(Closed) Eye opener emotional

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@beehidden:  How terrible.  I’m so sorry to hear your Fiance has no sort of connection with your child.  That’s absolutely heartbreaking and I can only imagine how you feel.  I’m not really sure what sort of explanation you should give.  Honestly, I would just say “Without saying much, it was honestly for the best for me and my child.”  Something along those lines.

Post # 4
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@beehidden:  Are you sure he didn’t just say that in the heat of the moment? I’ve said I hate my parents millions of times and I promise you I don’t hate them and I never have.

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

im sure my mom thought a number of times that she didnt like me when i was growing up – my bff once told me she remembers her mom once saying “i love you but right now i dont like you”.  parents are people too

how old is your son, has he been told a number of times to respect your FI’s things (phones) and not touch it.  maybe your Fiance needs to talk to someone professionally (and then together as a couple/family) to deal with stress and communicate better

im not saying what he said/how he said it is acceptable but often its the people you love that say the most hurtful things but it doesnt have to be the end of everything unless there is much more you have experienced

Post # 7
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yikes, I don’t know much about your relationship but thats a big red flag. You two need to have a talk and most likely go to counseling together and possibly seperate to figure things out!

I’m so sorry!

Post # 8
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@beehidden:  My mother hated me all my life.  She treated my brothers like they were gold.  Unfortunately, I was stuck with her because my dad was never in my life.  It caused so many problems between us (obviously) and really destroyed my self esteem and self worth.  I think counseling is a big help in this if you don’t want to call it off all together.  You could always postpone the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@beehidden:  Intervene while you can.  I wish someone did when I was younger.

Post # 11
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

What the… I tried to edit and accidentally deleted.  Anyway, I agree with misspumpkinpie, please intervene sooner than later so no psychological damage is done to the poor child.  Counseling, at the very least for you if not for you and Fiance, would be a great idea.  It’s not rare for certain parents to treat their children differently, but he’s walking a dangerous line and could cross into emotional abuse soon.  I’m assuming both children are biologically his?

Post # 12
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Rouquine:  Agreed. Growing up with horrible self esteem because of parents is no way to live.

Post # 13
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This situation has the potential to spiral in a lifetime of emotional/verbal abuse for your children.  Kudos to you for recognizing that and not wanting your children subjected to that behavior.  All you need to tell people is that it just wasn’t right, I suppose.  I would tell close friends and family the specifics and leave it up to him to tell his family why it’s over.

Post # 14
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Good Lord.  Has your Fiance ever said anything like that before?  Did your son hear him?  I would talk to your Fiance (in private) about this immediately and offer him two options; counselling or calling it off (or at least postponement).  That’s absolutely awful and needs to be resolved before you two can even think about getting married.  I’m so sorry!

Post # 15
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am sorry to hear he feels this way. I think he is maybe struggling. I was in a small relationship with an older man once who had a daughter and a son. He was always in fights with his son and I know he loved him very much but Fathers tend to have disagreements with their sons way more than their daughters. He was a good man and as free spirited, kind and carefree as he was (rest his soul) he didn’t get along with his teenage son. I was at the hospital with his kids and friends when they pronounced him dead at 46 years old. His son was effected the most. 

My Dad also has issues getting along with my little brother but all three of us girls are treated differently. Growing up I was more a son than a daughter. I was such a tomboy. My dad and I were the worst of enemies when I was growing up and it didn’t change until I moved out seven years ago lol. 

I can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling and I hope my post gives a little hope and understanding. I don’t personally know you, your kids or your Fiance so I am not a judge but I hope your heart is settled soon and he can overcome his obstacle. 

Prayin for ya and your family! 

Post # 16
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2002

I don’t know your entire situation but I can’t tell you how many times I have said this about my son…6 about to be 7 years old. I love my son more than anything but he is a handful more times than not. Is it the age of your son and what he is going through? Is it possible to find a good time to sit and discuss this with your fi?

Edit: I don’t say this to my son…I just vent to my husband when my son is acting up big time.

 

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