(Closed) F.. just F…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If you’re at all unsure, anything beyond the jitters, you should cancel or postpone.  It sounds like you already know that’s what you should do.  Don’t focus on the money–think of the ideal way to begin a marriage.  Is this it?

Post # 4
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry.If  some new secrets have surfaced that would make you doubt the future you planned with your fiancé, I would appreciate them. Dont ignore them. Maybe you can get through it, but please don’t ignore those nagging thoughts. What happened that is making you doubt now?

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think its easier and cheaper to get out of a engagement than a marriage and rarely do things improve only because you are married

is there someone you can speak to professionally?  cancelling an engagement must be a difficult thing to deal with but there is worse so please dont feel you are trapped and have to go through with it if you dont want to – you always have options

goodluck!

Post # 6
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

You should at least postpone if you’re having doubts, and like eloping said, maybe you should get counselling!

The people you think you’d be letting down don’t have to live with your marriage… and if they love you, they won’t want you to enter something you’re not 100% about.

Post # 7
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you think canceling a wedding will cause baggage, i’m not sure why you think divorce won’t.

Post # 9
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Anon4321:  Do you belong to a church? Maybe you could speak to your pastor?

Post # 10
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

since you’re anonymous, are the secrets of a certain nature?

i bet i or some of other the posters can recommend some helpful books or resources if we know a smidge more info.  

i know that in my city there are some sliding scale counseling services. univeristies and internships have low cost options as well.  i’ve found some where it was 15 bucks a visit in the past. couldn’t hurt to google to see if there are any options.

Post # 11
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t really have any advice, but I recently read this book: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1594630143/ref=oh_details_o02_s00_i00

It was really helpful to me, and it had a lot of sections on cold feet and if the signs point more toward calling it off [and if you do, she recommends books to read to help with that situation].

Good luck, and remember you can always talk to us on here!

Post # 12
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I agree with @flyingpiggy,it’s kinda hard to offer advice without knowing the nature of the big things you’re both dealing with. But like PPs have said – it would be an idea for both of to talk to someone (counsellor or a minister if you’re religious). And yeah – if it’s big enough to end things, better sooner than later.

Post # 13
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

So I can say that this is exactly how my Fiance felt at his last marriage. It lasted 11 months and his ex-wife and him amiciably decided to divorce. If anything, I’ve learned that if it doesn’t feel right, postpone or cancel. Not only will a divorce cost you money, but you have to split assets, you have to figure out taxes with their information as a married couple when you file, you will likely argue over furniture and big items you purchased together, and if the other person is not on board, it can go really bad fast. If you aren’t sure, postpone it, seek councilling, and see if you want to try again later.

Post # 15
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Cancel the wedding. I know it’s hard, but in addition to all the points that PPs have made about it being less painful to cancel a wedding than to divorce, look at it this way – I don’t think any of us would want to go into a wedding knowing that our bride or groom’s feelings were “I guess I could live with him/her” rather than “I am so thrilled to be marrying my love today.”

That’s not cold feet; that’s your heart and your mind telling you this is the wrong thing to do.

Post # 16
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would seek counseling for myself to see if I had any lingering baggage that is giving me cold feet before canceling the wedding.  Sometimes in the midst of planning, you’re just so overwhelmed that the negative feelings just creep up/out.   But if these secrets are big deals (i.e. cheating, addiction, etc) and you can not forgive him, I would cancel the wedding with no qualms about it. 

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