(Closed) Facebook Dad- Good Parenting or bad?!

posted 9 years ago in Parenting
Post # 209
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@jjmomma:  That is very true, and actually picturing that scenario seems like it would be a great way to teach a lesson!

Post # 210
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@jjmomma:  I’m bothered by the gun, because yes, I hate guns. But I’m really bothered by the destruction of property, because “You made me mad/ were “disrespectful,” so I’m going to destroy something of yours,” freaks me out. Furthermore, I’m bothered by the idea that this is predicated on dictating how your kid feels. “You are not allowed to be angry with me” doesn’t work at 5, 15, 15 or 55, from what I know of family dynamics.

By all means, take the laptop away as punishment, but seriously, what does laptop-centered punishment of any kind do to resolve the underlying conflict here? The problem is her being spiteful and ungrateful, and (I would say) an inflexible and authoritarian style of parenting. Posting dumb stuff on Facebook is the outgrowth of the central conflict, which is that neither one feels that the other understands how much work they do for them. That’s a communication/anger management problem.

Post # 211
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

View original reply
@village_skeptic:  Have you read the updates posted by this dad? I just ask b/c Him and his duaghter seem to have a pretty good relationship & this was just one of her not so shining moments…. She’s accepted the loss of her laptop & kinda thinks it funny some of the uproar people have given about the destruction of it…..

That and like I asked in my follow-up post today, what is the step up of discipline after you’ve already grounded the child for 3 MONTHS for a similar offense?

Destroying something over giving it away or trashing it is the owners preogative & I’m not sure why anyone else would concern themselves with it.

sidenote: Considering the family’s dynamics of ownership & use of guns he should’ve made her shoot it! bwhahahaha!

Post # 212
Member
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@village_skeptic:  What he said was that the big problem was that she did it in a public forum.  If she hadn’t posted it on facebook and instead he’d heard her saying it on the phone to a friend, it would’ve been a different story.  She had done similar things in the past.  So I can see why the laptop would be related to that.

I’m still not so sure I’m okay with destroying property that she bought with her own money, but he did say he was going to put a bullet through it if she did it again, and she did it again.  Follow-through is important and it’s not like she didn’t have warning.  Now if he ever said “I’ll put a bullet through you,” that would be violent and inappropriate and certainly follow-through should not happen with that.

Post # 213
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@runsyellowlites:  I’m glad that she and her father have a pretty good relationship. But that seems even weirder to me. If you generally like your kid, why would you do something so extreme?

Again, I come from a non-disciplinarian background, so the cursing or whatever wouldn’t be a problem. In fact, my opening bid would probably be, “Hannah, that was a really shitty thing to do” and go from there.

Ultimately, you want your kid to not post terrible things about you on Facebook because A) she can handle her own anger issues; B) she knows that taking things that far public is unwise; and C) because, ultimately, she loves you, respects you, and doesn’t want to hurt you, even though she’s mad right now. NOT D) Because my father will put a bullet through my computer if I say bad things about him. Kids need to build up an internal locus of self-control, not just one that comes from fear of punishment.

I don’t think that we’re going to agree, and I don’t think you’re bad parents or anything. But if my kid was her classmate/friend, my kid wouldn’t be hanging out at that guy’s house. Sorry, y’all.

Post # 214
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Good for him. Can’t stand spoiled entitled kids.

Post # 215
Member
5540 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

DUDE. AMAZING!! I think the thing people are saying with the gun in “anger” and all that is BS. The man was obviously in control, upset, yes, but it isn’t like he ran and got his gun from under his pillow and shot it at her desk. Of course this is coming from the girl who has a gun in her nightstand and 4 more under the bed… I have no issues with guns and think if he told her if she did it again he was going to shot it, well, she did it again and he shot the laptop. Sucks to be her.

But if I ever have a teenager who says things like that, in a public fourm like FB I would react about the same, just not post it on youtube. Of course I am of the opinion that kids shouldn’t have computers/facebooks their parents can’t see. If you have nothing to hide then there isnt an issue anyway, if you are trying to hide something, you are gonna lose the computer/internet anyway. I totally think that parents are allowed to snoop. That is the joy of being THE PARENTS. Because in 99% of cases, they have your best interest at heart and are doing it because they love you. My dad totally snapped toys and stuff if they caused issues. Once it was in anger, the others he was in totally control, and even when he reacted in anger, I deserved what was coming anyway! She won’t be scarred, obviously from the updates she isn’t going to jump off the deep end anytime soon, it just will be a reminder for her for a good long while. 

Post # 216
Member
987 posts
Busy bee

I think his actions were totally warranted.  His daughter needed to learn a lesson and props to him for having the courage to follow through with his threats and discipline her.  I do feel that actually shooting the computer was quite excessive though.  That part just kind of disgusted me, it’s just so wasteful and gun-obsessed (two things I dislike about our American culture).  I wish he would have donated the computer to needy kids.

Post # 217
Member
9838 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

View original reply
@chastenet:  i agree, follow through is very important in discipline, and in life in general, the actual punishment (shooting the laptop) was a bit excessive and wasteful,  where he could have just given it away

Post # 218
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@village_skeptic:  i agree with you on this one.

his daughter may have had some form of punishment coming, but opening her up to the abuse of the entire internet and taking a gun to something that could have better served someone else? i don’t seem them forming a great relationship out of this.

the things that really bother me about this is that he made it so public. he’s basically telling the internet to rip on his girl in any way shape or form because that’s what the internet does. he’s as much as a drama queen as she is. wonder where she got it from in the first place…

also, using a firearm, to me, speaks more of instilling fear than respect. he may equate them to the same thing but…i guess i just prefer a loving relationship with my father. this seemed kind of more like vegeance than just a punishment.

what would i do in the same situation? i admit, i have no idea. i’ve never really had to deal with people that bratty. i’m usually all for unusual punishments, but uh…guns rub me the wrong way.

Post # 219
Member
14492 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
@laceywings:  you should read the follow ups, it really says alot about what she thought of the situation and explains alot of your problems with the video.  Also, alot of us did grow up around guns and I think that we see it differently.  I didn’t see him use it out of anger, nope just the opposite, he was calm, safe, and in control, in fact he kind of giggled when he shot the bullet the mother asked him to shoot.  I don’t know if I can really explain the gun culture well enough to make it clear that when you grow up correctly with them that we just see them differently.  You see them as weapons of death and fear, I don’t.  I respect weapons and their power, but honestly I don’t see it any differently than I would if he had run it over with a tractor.  I fully understand that is a cultural difference, and it is hard not to judge a culture that you may not fully understand.

 

And for all of you that say to donate the computer, I completely don’t agree.  My ex, whom I am still friendly with, has multiple computer engineering degrees of all types.  He has told me over and over that you don’t give computers away, you destroy them to a pulp.  You can never completely clean a computer where someone like him can’t get to the information.  Since the father is an IT guy, I would assume that he feels the same way and probably would have little difficulties building her another one when she can pay for it.

Post # 220
Member
9815 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

He didn’t intend for the video to go viral, he wanted her and her friends to see it. He has declined all interviews in the media and his daughter has no interest in talking about it anymore. She joked about selling the shells on Ebay to put towards her college fund. Can we all fixate on the parents who actually ABUSE their children now?

Post # 221
Member
9838 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

View original reply
@tksjewelry:  i would feel the same as if he had run over it with the tractor -extreme and unnecessary. i agree that you can’t ever fully get rid of stuff on the computer – but the dad posted a video of him destroying someone else’s property on YOUTUBE, and as an IT guy, he would know that once something goes up on the net you can’t ever get rid of it. so i don’t think he really cares about stuff not being able to be fully gotten rid of, to be frank

Post # 222
Member
9838 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

View original reply
@KatyElle:  ok, then he should have just gotten his daughter and her friends to the house to see it, rather than put it up on the internet, as an IT guy he should have known better

Post # 223
Member
9815 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@Jacqui90:  I don’t care if he was the president of IMB, it’s not “someone else’s property” it was HIS laptop, provided and paid for by HIM, and it’s his family, his daughter, his rules. If you don’t like it, discipline your kids differently.

The topic ‘Facebook Dad- Good Parenting or bad?!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors