Post # 1
So around last year I decided to try things out with one of my best friend of about 9 yrs again. Since we broke up about 3 yrs ago, I I thought I wanted was the relationship back. This lasted about 2 months. Thats when I started getting close with my current SO. ( we knew each other for about a year and a half before that.)
So anyway I couldnt believe my luck. We just connected on so many different levels and I knew then I truly found the one. And I kissed him. I felt horrible for cheating had me crying for days. It was super hard to explain this to my then bf, lets call him Dan. Now he’s the sweetest guy you could ever meet and have the softest heart. So I did my best without giving too much details of why I need to break up. This dragged on for days. He was EXTREMELY hurt. I felt horrible. Not to mention before all this happen he spent $1 200 on my birthday gift, which drove the guilt way up. But at the end of the day I had to do whats best for me.
Fast forward to present. I decided on a whim to join facebookafter years of refusing to. Long overdue I know. So my now bf was so excited that he’s like finallyt! and linked me to say he was in a relationship with me. Whilst thats sweet,it was my worse nightmare. Dan already had friend requested me from before and as much as I just see him as a friend, I think its almost like flaunting my new relaionship in my face. Showing him who I cheated and left him for, and I honestly think its just cruel. At least now when he’s going through a really hard time. I know he hasn’t really move on and I just dont want him to hurt more than he has already. Want to keep a low profile, when it comes to him and my new relationship.
I tried to explain to current bf that I rather not have all that information up, and he was so hurt. Said every one is already commenting and he would be incredibly embarrased and hurt if I dont reciprocate. I honestly dont know what to do. I don’t want to hurt anyone more than I have. I love my bf very much, and a 100% sure of my decision to be with him. But I don’t want to keep hurting my old best friend whose been there for me through thick and thin.
Post # 3
You need to stop worrying about PAST bf’s. He knows you have moved on (it’s been a year). Not to say, it’s your Facebook profile, you are free to do or say what ever you wish. If it bothers you that much, you can choose to hide your relationship from the public. But will that hurt your bf? You may need to make a choice on who you end up hurting. I would choose the ex.
Post # 4
I agree 100% with sdjurado84. What matters most at this point is how your CURRENT bf feels.
Post # 5
Keep the old bf/ friend on there for a couple weeks then delete him or put that person on limited profile to not see your wall or be able to comment on there this way you avoid problems and dont embarass new bf
Post # 6
I agree with the previous posts. In my case, before FI and I got engaged, we had no Facebook relationship status on our pages, and the people who knew us and we cared about knew we were together. That was enough for us. We did that for many reasons, but a big one was that if we were ever to break up, everyone on Facebook goes crazy and “is sorry for you” and “hopes you feel better” and “knows you are better off without him”. And for anyone who is going through a break-up, the last thing you want is even MORE constant reminders about your ex. Fortunately for us, we did end up getting engaged and couldn’t be happier! After all the important people in our lives knew about our engagement, we did change our statuses to say we were engaged – not to rub it in anyone’s face but because we were SO very excited with the news and wanted to tell everyone – we are getting married!
You don’t want to hurt your friend/ex, but if your bf is your future then it doesn’t matter what your ex thinks. It is your current bf that matters!
Post # 7
I would probably not friend the ex. You were friends for 9 years & then dated, FB friending may not help with closure.
If you’re not comfortable putting your current bf because of privacy & don’t want anyone to know personal info about you, that’s one thing. But if the only reason you don’t want your bf linked to you is because of your ex, you may want to think & takl with your bf. Just know you wouldn’t be rubbing it in the ex’s face because you’re not emailing him & saying “hey I’m dating THIS guy!”… you’re just putting things on your profile. Plus, your ex probably won’t know when you started dating your current bf anyways.
You can also change your profile so no one can see any info about you if they’re not already your friend. Or you can change it so only some info is shown.
Post # 8
It isnt that serious. He may never sign on to FB or ever read your statuses or profile. Plus he can’t expect you to not move on with your life.
Post # 9
Go into your settings and un-check the box that says “publish relationship status changes” therefore when you accept being in a relationship with your BF (which you SHOULD do) it will not appear on any of your friends new pages.
It will still appear under info but it will definitely not be flaunting your relationship in anyones face!
Post # 10
Ummm…you have a date listed on here..are you engaged or just about to be? If so, this ex may already know through others your relationship status. Move on, everyone does and he maybe more moved on then you think. I do not think it is flaunting in anyway. For me and rules with Facebook, if you do not want someone to see something, don’t friend them. All of my info except for marital status and city is public. No one can message me, see my wall or other info without friending me first. I even deleted some extended family (DH cousins, 2nd cousins and so forth) I never met bc they were kinda sketchy and I just do not want everyone knowing all about me or my DH. I’m not exactly for being friends with an ex on FB anyways but thats bc my past is my past and that is where it needs to stay.
Post # 11
i think for the while I’ve found a solution. I realise I’m not gonna stop my bf from calling me honey and sweetie on my wall. So sooner or later, ex bf will find out. But for the time being I confirmed my relationship status but blocked ex bf from being able to see it. ( I will remove the block later but for now I think its best.)
I know I shouldn’t really care, but I can’t help but feel guilty for what i did to him, and just want to glow in my happiness in peace for a while, guilt free.
Thanks for the support bees.
Post # 12
Just a word of caution . . .If this person can not seem to get over you then maybe it would be a kidness not to “friend” them at all or delete them after the fact (especially if they have a lot of friends where it is less noticable). My Hubby doesn’t do FB, in fact he is pretty sure it’s Big Brother in disguise. Out of respect for his wishes I don’t even use his name, photo or anything.
But before I met my Hubby I was introduced to another guy who decided he really liked me but I didn’t like him so much. From the get go I wasn’t really comfortable even giving him my phone number so we just Immed a bit but there was really no chemistry there for me at all. So we parted ways for a few years. In the meantime I got married, moved to another state, etc. Fast forward a couple of years, the guy contacts me and wants to be “friends”. Turns out he’s been following me on the ‘Net for years via sites like FB. He even admitted to friending “Friends” of mine so he could copy pics of me from their pages. He told me drove 60 miles to my new hometown and went to my place of employment but I wasn’t working that day. It has taken 2 1/2 years and my husband threatening to take this not just to the police but to the man’s employers (he is a high school teacher) and finally in the last two months I think he has stopped.
My point being, you already think this person still has feelings. Some people it doesn’t take much of a “connection” or much “attention” on your part for them to try to continue a realtionship.
Post # 13
@ puppymom I’m so sorry you went through that. Stalker much? But I’ll take your warnings to heed.
Post # 14
you should care more about your new bf instead of hurting your old bf’s feelings. you’ve moved on, and so should he. friend him, but set him to a limited profile so he can’t see much of your info.