(Closed) Facebook for death announcements? How low can we go?……

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 46
Member
941 posts
Busy bee

I was out of state in the military when my own father passed. He died suddenly of a heart attack. Before my mother could even give me a call, the paramedic who worked on the ambulance, who was a family acquaintance posted his passing on Facebook. Its how I found out my father had died. It was devastating. He got into a lot of trouble, and even though he wrote me a letter asking for forgiveness I still am not over it.

 I was 1000 miles away from home, and instead of hearing it from family I had to hear it from some family acquaintance on a social media site. I then had to work out travel arrangements and have people bombarding my social media with sympathy, which as kind, but I was lost on how to process it. I could barely function. 

No one should post death on social media until the family has been informed, and then if you must contact someone via social media for a death notification is should be done in private, not for all the world to see.

Post # 48
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Sunshine09:  how would YOU announce it? Assuming here that you would want to announce it. 

Post # 49
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Probably not the same but almost two years ago we lost a baby later on in my pregnancy. The worst experience of our lives. The morning before he passed away I had been talking to friends about how happy I felt, how much I loved him. I think I had even mentioned my pregnancy on Facebook that morning, something about my bump being excited to see him. Then he was gone. So sudden and oh so very very painful.

As everyone knew I was pregnant, people asked me how I was, how baby was… then he was suddenly not here any more… I just couldn’t talk to people. I shut down for a long time. People called, text, asked how we were. I could not reply. I remember being frustrated, I didn’t want people to contact me because I couldn’t face them. So I posted it on Facebook. I said that we had lost our baby and were struggling, that we needed some time alone, just the two of us, to grieve, that I appreciated everyone’s kind words but I couldn’t reply right then. It was difficult to post but it meant that we were left alone for a while and I then didn’t feel I needed to reply to people/answer calls/let people come to see me for a while. If I hadn’t posted it on Facebook I feel I would have felt overwhelmed, like I needed to talk to people.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. A quick Facebook post can be easier than having to call people and talk to them.

The response and support and love I got from people I hadn’t spoken to in a while because of my Facebook post was incredible. I am so grateful to this day and always will be. If it makes me insensitive or it’s in poor taste then oh well.

Post # 50
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Oh and of course close family and friends knew before I made the choice to post it on FB.

Post # 51
Member
1320 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I always thought it was a little strange but I just ignore. The problem I have with it is that there are people on my friend’s list who legitimately post sad news just for attention and likes. They’ll post about someone they HARDLY know and talk about how horrible it is for them so that they can get sympathy comments and likes. It’s sickening. DH’s family is bad about it.

Post # 52
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Sunshine09:  I am not “anti-facebook” by any means. I use it personally mainly for photo sharing from events with friends and family.

I do agree that the sterotypical “hi im making pasta” is annoying. But I find that excessive posters tend to be people struggling wth personal things reaching out and feeling that, albeit fake, personal interaction about anyhting and everything.

And with that I have un-friended people in the past because they showed up far too often on my feed for someome I barely know in real life.

Post # 54
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

mrsb616:  I completely agree.

Call then important people then a quick mass psot not for attentiom, but if anthing to dissapate the attention due to the inevitable “how is baby” questions.

Post # 55
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

freshflowers:  Yep! My Facebook mainly consists of the s*** my Fiance says because he cracks me up haha. Oh and photos of my tortoise and cat. I don’t really post anything else, certainly nothing attention seeky anyway.

Post # 56
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

Definitely normal. To be honest, better than an obituary in the paper – too impersonal. At least FB will be a message that reaches people with whom you’re connected or the deceased was connected.

Even if the posts around it are silly, it doesn’t take away from the seriousness of the passing or funeral details.

Post # 57
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Ah, this is a propos for me this week. A relative of mine just lost her husband pretty tragically last week, and she posted this:

“I fought so hard not to join Facebook. Thank goodness that I changed my mind because all of you are giving us the support and love that we need. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart for reaching out to us. We might make it through this thanks to all of you.”

Post # 58
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

And honestly I take issue with your last justification as well. The banality of the everyday contrasting with the tragedy of death is part of what makes death so awful. And it’s present in every medium of communication.

Newspapers are full of ads and random stories, plus they’re read by everyone, many of whom won’t care about the deaths of the people in the obituaries. The mail is full of junk mail, catalogues, and greeting cards. Even the phone is mostly used for trivial things. Any of these mechanisms for announcing death seem insufficient. But they’re how we communciate, so that’s also how we communicate death. Frankly, I find FB much better since: (1) the audience is more limited than a paper; (2) there is much less effort required of the bereaved than calling or writing to everyone. 

Post # 59
Member
4064 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

ABusyBride:  I totally agree. Think of if a prominant figure, like, say a celebrity had died. They would talk about it on the evening news…but then they’d have movie review, a story about a dog playing with a pony, a story about the superbowl, whatever. 

The paper is still going to run the comic strips eventhough they’re running obits.

Any means of communicating the news of someone’s death can (and likely has) also be(en) used to communicate frivolous information too.

Post # 60
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

Mrs.MilitaryBee:  I’m sorry that happened to you, how terrible. 

Your post actually brought up another point that I was thinking of. If a social media post is to be made, the initial post should be by the immediate family, or at least with their permission. Some random acquaintance should not be the first person announcing a death. It’s only respectful to allow the immediate family to decide when and if they want the death broadcast on social media. 

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