(Closed) Facebook for death announcements? How low can we go?……

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 61
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Agree with PP – no different than the news. Good, bad and stupid it’s all there together.

Post # 62
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I dont think it’s an issue when a family member of the deceased post a death or funeral announcement on social media after the relatives have been notified in another way. Like pp have said it Is a quick way to get the word out.  What I do dislike and find disgusting are people who post cryptic RIP post for attention. For example I had a very good friend committee suicide 3 years ago.  4 of us who were very close to him were notified by his family and they had asked us not to talk about how it happened or give any details of his passing. The very same day one of the 4 notified posted “RIP dear friend.  I wish you would have called so I could have done something to stop this”. With that one unnecessary, selfish attention seking post everyone had an idea of what had happened. The rumor machine started and post after post from those who barely knew him speculating about his death.  His parents, sister and the rest of us who were close to him immediately started getting those nose ass messages asking what happened and did he take his own life. Needless to say that “friend” is no longer a part of my life. It made what was already an awful time 10 times worse. 

Post # 63
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Are you sure it was “just” a status? I know a ton of families with sick children have almost like “prayer warrior” groups on Facebook where they post updates and pictures and requests for good thoughts, etc. Mabye the child’s passing was posted in that context? Some of these groups have thousands of members… No way to call all of that support.

Post # 64
Member
8493 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Sunshine09:  I give grieving parents a LOT of leeway – having seen loved ones lose their children I would not wish that pain on my greatest enemy. They need to do what they need to do in order to keep any level of sanity and everyone else just needs to support them.

THAT said…. certain people still need to get a phone call/in person notification before it’s posted to Facebook, just the same as an in-paper obituary. When my sister passed (pre-facebook) the local news was going to release her name in their broadcast (the car accident had already made the news) and we stopped them until we could notify certain people. Her 4th grade teacher could learn of her death on the news, but we still hadn’t gotten in touch with our grandmother. There is a line before a death is made public and that should be respected. 

Post # 65
Member
913 posts
Busy bee

LilliV:  this is what I agree with, and with a previous poster who mentioned a friend who committed suicide and the parents didn’t want the death publicized. 

It’s a horrible way to learn that someone close to you has died. When my dad died I wasn’t the only one who heard it that way. My other sister was out of town at a work conference. Mom called and left a message at her hotel. However she got the messages via Facebook messenger first from acquaintances first. It was horrifying. 

I would never wish that on anyone. 

Post # 66
Member
4058 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I fucking hate Facebook and I’m in the minority like u that believes social media is a life-ruiner.

so I’m going against the grain here to say that I think it’s completely ridiculous to inform your friends that your child has passed On FB….What happened to word of MOUTH? I hate that people can’t pick up the phone. I can’t imagine what they’re going through but IMO it’s an extremely inappropriate way to let those U love know about someone’s death… Sorry But just MO.

Post # 67
Member
4058 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Mrs.MilitaryBee:  this is so terrible. I’m so sorry U had to find out in that manner. How incredibly insensitive and stupid of that person. I hope you were able to find peace…

Post # 68
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Cheekie0077:  I think that you think this possibly because you’ve never had to be the person who makes the calls. It’s exhausting. After my grandfather died, I made a lot of the calls because my mother and grandmother weren’t in good enough emotional shape to do it. It’s just such a monumental task. And I’m sure I missed lots of important people, who then had to find out via the newspaper/gossip. (Though my apologies, if you have done this and still prefer it! Just wanted to give you my perspective having done it once.)

It’s also nice to get the information from the family out in one official way when the death is unexpected/tragic. A friend of mine committed suicide a few years ago and for 3-4 days there were rumors everywhere about overdosing, violence, etc. Then his sister posted on FB: “On Monday, Bud ended his own life. We will never know what burdens he found no longer able to bear, but we are so grateful that he could spend 21 years with us. Thank you to everyone who has reached out. We are unable to respond right now, as we are privately dealing with our pain, but know that we appreciate your thoughts.”

Post # 69
Member
4535 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I dont see anything wrong with it if all the more important people are told first. I’m sure 100 years ago people thought newspaper death announcements were gauche. I was in Europe recently in a town of 8000 people and the custom was to place death notices on billboards throughout the town. I think their are many ways to spread the word to masses and FB is just the modern way.

I do find it really inappropriate when Other people post about someones death.  Just recently a little girl died in really tragic circumstances. It was all over the media. a girl I went to school with was good friends with the parents of this child. She posted for a week all these photo’s of her and this child.  Posted that she was off to the funeral etc. It just seem attention seeking and tacky.  Grieve in private dont make it Public because it just seems disingenuous to me. It was almost a fame by association thing. that kind of post.. I have a huge problem with! 

 #edited my phone formatted everything strangely

 

 

 

 

 

o.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  cmsgirl.
Post # 70
Member
1428 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Cheekie0077:  No, you have NO IDEA what I or anyone else has been through so don’t assume things. I literally couldn’t face people (I ended up on a psych ward for a bit). Please don’t tell anyone what is wrong to post on Facebook. Maybe your opinion would change if heaven forbid something horrible happened to you.

Post # 71
Member
1428 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

In my case I had felt my baby move hours before he died. I loved him. I had imagined a future. I had shared his short life with people. To have to deal with giving birth to and saying good bye to our baby in the same night was devastating, absolutely crushed us.

I dealt with this in the way I thought was appropriate (and I got so much love and support because of that post).

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  KellyB262.
Post # 72
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

These people lost their two-year-old child to cancer and you’re judging them for not reaching out to deliver the news personally to everyone they know? When my parents lost my older brother to a terminal illness aged three, they were so devastated they could barely get out of bed in the morning, let alone call everyone they knew and tell them. How low can YOU go?

Post # 74
Member
8493 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

FantasticFawn:  yes exactly. honestly, when my sister passed my parents were both so gutted that I (at 14 years old) ended up making a lot of the calls to her friends because my parents literally couldn’t speak the words “she died” without losing it completely so they only called their immediate families. I could at least choke it out somewhat and I wanted to give them a break, but even then I picked one person per friend group/team/school club and put them in charge of calling the others. 

Post # 75
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes I think its acceptable way to convey information…..happy news, sad news, disturbing news, anything. If you don’t like it, don’t use it. Why judge those of us who do choose to use this method? 

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