(Closed) Facebook for death announcements? How low can we go?……

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 76
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - State Park

When my mom passed away I told immediate family and close family friends, then it was a chain command of who they wanted to notify. But after that it was put on Facebook, for all those acquaintances or not as close friends. I think its acceptable within reason. Obviously I wouldn’t post something on Facebook that I haven’t announced to my nearest and dearest, but for all those others is an easy way to get the word out. 

Post # 77
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Our Church

They announce marriages, newcomers, deaths, etc in the newspaper. So I don’t see how FB is any different? I imagine it is easier than calling everyone you know and telling them your child just died.

Post # 78
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I personally have posted a “death announcement” when my brother passed away. The post was more of a memorial for my brother and to let other distant relatives know that my brother passed away. It was a very hectic few days when my brother died. He was in ICU for 2 days while he was already pronounced dead. But he was an organ donor and we had to wait until recipents were found. Then planning the furneral . So I did not have enough time to call everyone in my family while I was grieving the death of my brother. But I DID want other family members to know that I was NOT close with. I did contact close family and friends thou.

 

Now there are FB posts that are bad. For instance one of my brother’s friends posted on facebook “(Brother’s name) just shot himself in the head”. He posted this before my brother even got a CT scan to see the extent of the damage. At the time we really didn’t know what was going on and that particular post on FB was uncalled for. I am not ashamed that my brother died by suicide, but what if my family didn’t want people to know, and this guy just blurted it out on FB.

Post # 79
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’ve seen the support people get on FB when they’re grieving so I know that it can provide comfort for those going through a horrendous time.

On the other hand, I know how damaging it is to hear serious news through FB, news that should have been shared over the phone or face to face. I also HATE the idea of someone sharing serious news that is mine to share, mine to process. I couldn’t handle someone putting photos, memories, thoughts about my loved one without asking me first. It might sound ungrateful but I’m private and FB can become very territorial with this stuff.

I do worry sometimes when I scroll down the newsfeed that I’ll see news about someone that I really didn’t want to find out about on social media. So OP I do understand where some of your concerns are coming from.

Post # 80
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

People complaining about social media on an online forum… Ok. 

If you don’t like it, sign off. 

Post # 81
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sunshine09:  I found out my grandmother died via facebook. She was 100% completely healthy, and just dropped dead one evening. My mom told my grandmother’s brother that night, and he posted something on facebook right after. I read his post early the next morning while I was getting ready for work. The phone call to my dad at 6am went something like this… “Dad, did Grandma die?” “Um, why do you ask?” “Well, Uncle Mike posted on Facebook that she died. So that’s why.” “Ummm, yes.” 
It was the absolute WORST way to find out and I still haven’t quite forgiven my Uncle for doing that. It was totally inappropriate, and even if he wanted to use facebook to express his grief, he DEFINITELY should have waited at least a day to make sure all the rest of the family had a chance to find out. 

Post # 82
Member
3417 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I think it’s the best way to reach people. I don’t have Facebook either, but it’s essentially the modern version of a newspaper. I certainly wouldn’t put an obituary in the local paper because no one would find ou that way, and then I can’t think of any other option than calling and telling people, which I could never do. Word of mouth? Do you have a better solution? Unfortunately I can’t think of one.

Post # 83
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

As long as the inner circle learns about the death first, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a facebook death notice. The social network is often quite large, and facebook is a way to get the word out. Someone I knew from my hometown died recently, which I learned through facebook, and several people posted lovely remembrances.  I thought that was nice. 

Post # 84
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t think that I can judge that.  A mother losing her child is the most painful think imaginable.  I can’t judge how she chooses to share the information.  Maybe making a blanket statement to all freinds and family was easier than sending a whole bunch of individual notifications.  My heart goes out to this poor family. Keeping them in my prayers.

Post # 85
Member
4027 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

ABusyBride:  I think I probably should have explained what I wrote better. I don’t think its a bad thing necessarily when having to tell the masses, but family should be notified first in a way that is dignified and appropriate. Posting something immediately after the death to an online forum before properly notifying all who need to be is insensitive and could be traumatizing just like others on here have expressed when they were notified through FB. Sorry I should have explained what I meant in a better way….

Post # 86
Member
4027 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

mrsb616:  I am in NO WAY minimizing a loss. I too have lost many close friends and family, too many to count. So don’t assume u know about my life or experiences just because I have an OPINION of when and how I would prefer to be notified about a loved ones death. And perhaps I should have explained my position in a better way as I did in my response above. i do not judge those who grieve in certain ways but I also don’t think anyone who loved the deceased should be notified for the first time on FB. I’m sorry I dont. And by that I mean close friends and family of the deceased…. I hope I clarified my position in a better way than I did previously, but please don’t assume u know anything about what I’ve experienced. And I’m sorry for what u went through. I’ve been traumatized by a loss before and I can sympathize. I also don’t think the burden of making that call should be put on one human being alone… This is where people need to rally behind one another and help

Post # 87
Member
3867 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Sunshine09:  So you’d rather that person be making multiple phone calls to friends, family members, co-workers, etc. to say her child has died. Having her explain the same thing over and over again (despite how gut wrenching and painful it would be), having to then comfort those who also feel the loss, or, better yet, have someone see her while she’s out and about and ask about her child and have her tell them then?

I lost my grandmother two years ago and it was such a painful loss (she also had cancer). When the time finally came, Facebook was the EASIEST way to tell everyone that she had passed away. It saved my mom having to call distant cousins when she was grieving. And it wasn’t as if I tacked on the information in the description section of a selfie or as if I listed it in the laundry list of things that I did, “Went to Starbucks, got a mani, oh, and my grandmother died–weird day” I did it as a memorial. It was also a way so that I didn’t have to tell all of my friends (they knew she was ill and that the time was coming) and they were able to reach out on their own without me having to reach out first. 

Do you also get ragey when you see obituaries? Because those tell ENTIRE COMMUNITIES about the passing of a loved one. *SHOCKED GASPS* And you have to PAY for it, and ANYONE can just SEE it. Seriously, get a grip and stop judging those who are grieving. You said it yourself: You don’t get Facebook and you clearly don’t like it, but just because that’s how someone chooses to inform people (and you are assuming that’s how EVERYONE found out–I’m sure close friends and family members knew it) does not make it all that strange.

Post # 88
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I posted my dad’s passing on FB.  I never thought twice about it. He’d been in the hospital for 16 days, many of those in ICU, so I don’t think it came as a shock to anyone. 

Post # 89
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Telling numerous people that a loved one has died is SO HARD. I can’t blame people for using the internet/facebook to spread that news. Having to recite it over and over and over must be devastating.

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