(Closed) Facebook, guest list & people scorned…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

1) never ever tell or imply to anyone that they’re invited if you’re not 100% sure they are. You really can’t go back on that unless you want to lose that person from your life. If you told them they were invited they should be invited. 

2) keep planning off facebook! same rules apply online as apply in real life… don’t talk about your wedding in front of people who are not invited. Which means no status updates, photos, etc etc etc. If you want to share something with specific people then message them. 

Post # 4
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Ick, Facebook complicates things like this.

Post # 5
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

A lot of people I talk to my wedding about won’t be invited. I don’t see anything wrong with it but I never indicated to them that they’d be invited, actually quite the opposite. I think its fine sharing info just don’t go telling people they are invited when they won’t recieve the invite.

Post # 6
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with june42011, I talk to my coworkers about the planning sometimes, and they arent’ invited, nor do they assume they will be. It does suck when people are commenting on your status update or something saying “can’t wait to get my invitation!” when they’re not invited… it’s like, um, the wedding is in 2 weeks… don’t you think you would have gotten it by now?!

Post # 7
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you’ve already mentioned to people that they’re invited and then don’t invite them, they’ll have a legitimate gripe against you. I’d try to keep on the guest list all those you told were invited, if I were you, and then just try to hold back on telling any others that they’re invited until you’ve actually sent out the invitations!

As for FB, I’d do my best to keep the wedding posts in check, but there’s no reason you have to be totally closed-mouthed about it…I think people understand that weddings are expensive and guest lists aren’t always what the bride and groom want them to be. 

Post # 8
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

i agree with CorgiTales on both accounts. don’t promise invites that you can’t follow through on. guest list cuts suck and unless you’ve planned a wedding yourself, it’s hard to understand, but it’s a whole lot harder if you were already told you’d be invited. unless you want to loose those people as friends, you should probably have an honest conversation with them and not let them find out they’re off the guest list when they don’t get an invitation in the mail and hear (probably on facebook) about others getting one.

Post # 9
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I never put anything on facebook about planning, location, time of day, who was invited or anything like that because I knew it could cause issues. The only thing I would ever put would be something like “55 days til I have a husband!” or a few days before the wedding I put “getting married in 3 days!!” or something like that. I purposely didnt put anything about where it was or our website or anything like that and Im glad I didnt!

Post # 10
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ditto CorgiTails…facebook is not fun when it comes to wedding planning.

Post # 11
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I pretty much stopped talking about anything wedding related on Facebook. There are people on mine that aren’t invited & I don’t want them to feel bad or say, “I haven’t received my invite yet…”. It just find it better not to put myself in that situation @ all & keep it off FB.

Post # 12
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I rarely put anything up on facebook, but I did have a coworker who never talks to me and assumed because she’s friends with the Maid/Matron of Honor that she was invited. She even asked for the day off and everything. Then she started asking others around work if they got an invite and was peeved that she didn’t get one. I’ve already made it very clear that we have a smaller budget and I couldn’t/should have to invite everyone from work.

Anyways, I would probably stick to not really being too indepth about your wedding plans. You could have some bitter people showing up to your wedding just in spite.

Post # 13
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@clarebee: I’m with you. I posted that I got engaged. I’ll probably post when I get married/honeymoon. Other than that I keep my wedding planning off the interwebs (except for ya know… weddingbee! heh)

Post # 14
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m with Clarebee and never put any wedding specifics on FB.  Only vague references to getting married, honeymoon excitement, etc.  The friends and family you talk to will know all the details anyways, and people who are only “Facebook friends” don’t need to know that stuff.  Maybe you should tone it down a bit.  

Post # 15
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I talked about wedding planning on facebook but I don’t think it was too often.  Yes, I complained about wedding planning, like whether to have assigned seating and I got some really good feedback from some people who I didn’t invite. Which is why I liked using facebook because I got some really great advice. 

I did tell people that I was working on my invitations but never told people when they were sent.  That way people weren’t expecting them. 

I didn’t have any problems on facebook. I think a lot of my friends on facebook knew if they were going to be invited or not.  I didn’t invite my college roommates initially but about 2 weeks before the wedding, I had room, so I invited them.  One of my roommates said that she was hoping to get invited.  But she wasn’t pissed about it.  She was so happy that I ended up inviting her.

Also, a lot of my friends on facebook were recently engaged so there were a lot of wedding planning going around.  Even though, I asked for their advice and I gave them some advice, I NEVER assumed I was going to get an invite from them.  I think all of my engaged friends know how expensive weddings are and that I can’t invite everyone. 

I didn’t update my status with “Yay, my parents are letting me invite 500 people to my wedding” That’s just asking for trouble. Even if my guest list was that big and if my parents were paying, I wouldn’t post something like that.  A lot of my friends on facebook knew I was pissed about the cost of a wedding so hopefully they got the hint that I’m not made out of money.

Also, some of the personal stuff related to details, I asked weddingbee! 🙂 

Post # 16
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

My personal motto on FB is this: If you don’t want people to talk about it with you, don’t put it up on FB.

With wedding planning, most reasonable people understand that posting your frustrations over invitations on your wall is not tantamount to inviting all your FB friends to your wedding. And most people will not expect that you do. But if you’re the type of person who feels bad about those who might be expecting to be invited and/or has difficulty telling people ‘no’ or being a source of their disappointment, then you might want to put the kabosh on planning info on FB, per my motto.

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