(Closed) facebook ruined our engagement :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it.  People were obviously excited for you.  Your family should understand that and not make a big deal of it.  

Post # 4
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

His aunts, uncles and cousins feel disrespected because they weren’t told in person? That seems a bit out there. If we would have told all of our family in person, it would have taken weeks! FB is the devil when it comes to exciting news since everyone wants to feel like they’re included.

Look on the bright side, atleast they didn’t out the gender and name of your new baby. When my Brother-In-Law & SIL had their baby (team green), their friend posted a congratulatory note on their FB saying what a beautiful name “such and such” was. Bitches!

Post # 5
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

FB is indeed the devil.  When I changed my status to engaged an old coworker who became friends with my Fiance exwife saw it and told her and all hell broke loose.  She sent me a nasty message on FB.  His 13yr old stepson called him and cursed him out then sent me a message on FB telling me that he hates me and I will never be his mother.  Then her friends start sending me friend request.

In your situation I hate it when people post stuff on FB about stuff that you tell them that you haven’t posted on your page.  One of my best friends got engaged 2 weeks ago and all I put on my page is that I was so excited that one of my besties is getting married.  It’s not my place to go posting her personal stuff on FB if she hasn’t done so her self.  This whole FB thing has gotten way out of control.

One of my friends found out a family member was brutally murdered  while she was on FB.  As soon as the word got out that this person was dead someone posted it and before family could have gotten in contact with her she read it on there.  People just don’t respect peoples privacy any more.

Post # 6
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think they’re right in feeling disrespected over something you two have no control over. If someone finds out and wants to post on your wall, they’re going to and the only way to stop them would be to disable both of your facebook accounts for a few weeks (which would be silly). Just tell them you’re sorry it didn’t come from you in person, but that’s how you wanted it. At this point, they should just be happy and excited for your big day.

Post # 7
Member
13017 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Agreed, they shouldn’t feel disrepected and you shouldn’t feel guilty.  You did what you could to tell people personally, and they found out over Facebook.  You shouldn’t feel bad that your friends wanted to congratulate you, and used Facebook to do so.

On the other hand, if you want to do surprises like this in the future, learn from it and either deactivate your Facebook or disable the wall.  There are ways to get around it. 

Post # 8
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

The only way to avoid things like this is to just not social network. Everyone is happy for you, enjoy the moment. Nothing is “ruined”, come on now. Your family needs to get over it and move on with life.

Post # 9
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

That’s why some bees turn off facebook sometimes after they get engaged.  I just didn’t announce to those who would post on it immediately (and asked people to refrain from doing so).  The barn door is open already, but there is no reason to be upset with anyone over it such that it “ruins your engagement” – you have many months to enjoy being engaged!  Just explain to that side of the family that you didn’t think to turn off facebook, and agree with them your friends & family were terrible to post, and if they don’t let it go after that, well, honestly, they’d find something else to be mad at no matter how it happened.  (Also, the first fight with family over direction of the wedding tends to kill the buzz too.  For me that happened approximately 1 hour after telling my parents, when my mom started suggesting several Lutheran pastors to marry me & my Jewish Fiance.) 

And if getting mad at someone will make you feel better to channel your anger, get mad at the first person that posted. 

Post # 10
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with Kay01–turn your wall off, at least. We had a pretty public proposal and were just able to call the closest family members and friends (not even see them first) before the wall posts started. I wish I would have disabled my wall. I was able to delete one post that I saw early on but after that I just gave up, lol.

Post # 11
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Like @KatyElle: said, nothing is ruined – everyone’s just super happy for you!

ETA: P.S. CONGRATULATIONS!!

 

Post # 12
Member
4519 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Congrats and don’t worry about this. Everyone should understand — it’s practically impossible to slow the spread of news these days. Not your fault. Just be happy that you have so many people to share in your joy!

Post # 13
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m sorry you are disappointed but both of your families will still be very excited. People congratualted us on FB before we could tell everyone on both sides and everyone was still beyond excited for us and for the first month of our engagement we had so many people get us cake and champagne and this was after they found on on FB first.

Post # 14
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree it’s impossible to stop it from happening, your family should understand this! If they don’t understand, don’t sweat it… there’s really nothing you can do. I feel like FB upsets start the wedding horror stories where people are disgruntled due to some small thing you do that shouldn’t upset anyone ! 😛 Point blank: it happens. People will get over it. Chances are they won’t remember it in a few years. 

 Congrats! 

Post # 15
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Even if you didn’t have FB. Would you have been able to tell every family member before someone else told them? I called my mom, who then called my grandmother, and her sister and all of the excitement just spread. The odds of being able to tell 50 people something exciting without them hearing it before is slim with or without FB.

Post # 16
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@roxy821: Good point about news spreading even if you didn’t have FB!

My grandmother would be calling people left, right and centre!

Don’t worry too much over it. Though I’m sure you feel bad about FI’s family finding out through facebook, at least it wasn’t YOU who posted the announcement there without talking to them first – you truly did want to talk to them before posting anything online.

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