Post # 1
This is so strange to me! My ex just emailed me through a mutual friends account (he doesn’t have a FB account of his own). I broke up with him when I was 19 and haven’t spoken to him or seen him since. I’m 27 now so you can imagine how random it is. We were together on and off for 5 years, it was really intense and crazy but that’s how teenage love affairs go sometimes. We experienced all of our firsts together so in a way he’s special to me. I was away at college when I decided we needed to part, I just wanted to be a college kid and he didn’t like it. So, the break up wasn’t mutual, he was really hurt. But I was like FREEDOM! That 5 year relationship was tumultuos (and at times really scary) from the start!
I never would of expected a message from him, let alone such a friendly one! He was just interested in catching up, says some of his favorite memories were with me, blah, blah, blah. He was glad to see that I was doing well (although how can you really tell on FB?). And he gave me his phone number but I won’t be calling. And while I am curious to know what he’s up to, I don’t think I’ll be writing back either, just out of respect for my Fiance.
Has that happened to you guys? Share!
Post # 3
my ex didn’t write me, but he did pop on on my “facebook is suggesting me to be friends with this person” list. which freaked me out! we dated for 7 1/2 years, i dumped him after he treated me like dirt and lied to me for the last time. he emailed me after i was engaged, and i told him i was engaged, he joked about being invited to the wedding, and i didn’t respond, we haven’t talked since. and then i see his face on my facebook page. when we dated, he refused to get facebook, and now i kind of liked it like that. he hasn’t asked to be friends yet though so i think i’m in the clear.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant
I think you’re doing the right thing by not responding. While there are probably many happy memories with that guy, there’s definitely a reason you aren’t together anymore, and after such a long time has passed, I think it’s best to just let it go.
I had something similar happen and I chose to not answer too, and while I might be slightly curious about that person, I just don’t want to rehash the past! I’ve moved on and up!
Post # 5
My ex didn’t message me, but he did pop up on my “you should be friends with this person” list. I was kind of freaked out, but I’m also really curious and clicked on his page and found out that he’s dating this girl from high school that always had a crush on him when we were dating! It was kind of weird, lol. If I were you, I wouldn’t write him back either.
Post # 6
Eh. I’m really leary of that kind of thing. I too, believe you are doing the right thing in not responding to him. A couple of months ago, this kind of happened to me. A guy I dated tried to FB “friend” me cuz he saw me on my best friend’s page, but I ignored the request. I’m married now, and IMO there’s no reason to try to catch up with any ex’s.
Post # 7
@artbee– I hope he doesn’t request you! That is so strange. Glad you got rid of him!
@mandyw– you’re right, the curiosity isn’t enough to make me want to respond. We’re not together for soooo many reasons. We did have some happy memories but most of the memories are kinda negative.
Post # 8
Oh yeah – I’ve received them and I’ve initiated them. With the exception of one, I recall all of my former beays fondly and am genuinely interested in what they’ve been up to. Considering I’ve heard from a few of them, I imagine they feel the same way. I’m FB friends with ym 2 college bfs (both about a yr and a half relationships) and since my high school bf of 3 yrs married my bff since childhood, I was Maid/Matron of Honor at his wedding.
I’m sure some people have had super awkward situations which this, but I’ve always been happy to reconnect with people from my past, friends and paramours.
Post # 9
I had a really similar situation with my ex from high school. He didn’t treat me very well, and he kept trying to get in contact with me, I think for closure on his end (5 years later!). Anyway, I finally answered him when he facebook chatted me. I told him to get everything off his chest that he needed to, which he did, and said that I don’t want to talk again after that. He said he was sorry, things like that, and he hasn’t contacted me since. We aren’t friends on facebook anymore, so that’s good (for our specific situation, I mean).
I agree if it’s just a “hey, what’s new” message, you’re doing the right thing by not responding, and I’m sure your Fiance deeply appreciates your respect for him and your relationship. I’m not friends with any of my exes on FB, and neither is my husband, and it’s just a matter of respect. I don’t think it has to be that way for everyone, but that works for us.
Post # 10
@otb– that’s the last thing I found out about him too! He was actually dating a friend of mine who I had grown apart from. I was just like, “good luck with that”
@okqueenbee– that’s happened to friends of mine, we always wonder what the guys are thinking when they request them.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
I’m friends with both of my exes on facebook. I kind of think my exhusband’s girlfriend doesn’t like it though – he pretty much stopped responding to me a few weeks ago (unlike him). I keep waiting to be ‘un’friended. lol.
My ex from high school? I’m friends with him and his wife (on facebook and in real life). We too were together for like 5 years… we just know each other so well, how could we not be friends. the five of us (they have a toddler) even have dinner together when they’re in town.
Post # 12
@twalila– that’s great! I just don’t feel comfortable catching up with the ex’s. I feel like my Fiance would be upset. But this one guy is the only one I have an adverse reaction to.
@decemberbride– did that give you closure too? I would be interested in hearing a full apology too but not enough to have a dialogue.
Post # 13
I think it is REALLY common for ex’s to pop up once you get engaged. It happened to me the week before the wedding. Both my sister and my best friend have had the same happen to them. I am 100% expecting it to happen to my SIL (I know her ex). It’s so strange.
In my case, I just ignored him because he wasn’t particularly nice to me when we were dating and I was glad to be rid of him, and because he is the type of person who never goes away. I like to call it the “stray dog” syndrome…once you feed it, you can’t get it to leave!
Oh, and it always tends to be the whole “I really did love you and am so sorry for being mean and/or breaking up with you,” pity party.
Post # 14
I was in an abusive relationship with someone before I met my fiance…and I barely got away from him. So you can only imagine my surprise when he tried to friend request me on fb a few months ago. I of coruse ignored his request and told my fiance about it. I can’t believe THE NERVE of this guy to even think that I would accept his friendship after everything.
Post # 15
One of my ex’s (the one that cheated on me!) had the nerve to add me as a friend on facebook. Um..IGNORE!!
I was actually talking to one of my ex’s on MySpace when Fiance and I were still just dating and not engaged yet. That was because we dated in High School and it was just everyday conversation like “how’s you family doing? and “how’s work?”. Then he started crossing the line and asking me questions about my Fiance and asking me to go to a concert with him. So that was when I deleted him from my friends and haven’t talked to him since. Then when Fiance and I got engaged, (I think he found out from his best friend or his best friend’s wife who I’m friends with on MySpace) he showed up at my mom and dad’s house with some stupid story about how he was looking for a job for one of his friends. That was crossing the line BIG TIME!!!! I was so furious. He hasn’t tried to contact me or show up at my parent’s house again. If he does, I swear, I would go straight to the police.
Post # 16
Don’t you just love that. I have had two pop and FH has had one pop up.
You’re doing the right thing.