Facing divorce- Please help

posted 4 weeks ago in Emotional
Post # 181
Member
9733 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Man, you’re gonna be so embarrassed in a couple of years.

Post # 182
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

lavender9 : 

annabananabee :  

That’s not the impression I got from her post. She said she still loves her husband, so it doesn’t sound like she wants the type marriage where you are married for convenience. But it doesn’t sound like he loves her obviously.

 

Post # 183
Member
1054 posts
Bumble bee

anon97 :  Ok then. Try the open marriage. Help him move his things back. 

When he mistreats you because of his anger and loss of trust over your affair, when he parades his new love interest in front of you, when you are even more miserable than you are now and your self-esteem is shot to hell, come back and we will give you the advice that you might be more ready to hear – this relationship is over. 

What you did to your marriage and your husband was disgusting, but I am of the opinion that people should be allowed to move on from mistakes. I fail to see how your getting emotionally beat up every day for however long this lasts will help. I don’t see how it will be good for you to ALWAYS be the bad guy, which is what you are setting yourself up for. 

These are the natural consequences to the terrible thing you did, but you are refusing to accept that. By doing so you are going to be punished – and punish yourself – far longer than necessary. I would rather see you divorce, get into therapy to get some clarity about yourself, and move on from blame and anger to a healthier and happier place. Just because you did a bad thing does not mean you are a bad person. Just because you hurt someone does not mean that you need to be punished forever. 

This is going to be worlds more painful than just getting the divorce, but when you are ready, we are here to support you in doing the healthier thing. 

Post # 184
Member
4692 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Well you have a big problem then. Because he doesn’t want to sleep with OTHERS, he specifically wants this other woman and he’s ALREADY emotionally involved in their relationship. Just move on.

Post # 185
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

Hi OP,  I know you have a lot going on with your lack of self reflection, major denial, and inability to just let go and all but I just wanted to point out that since there was a lot of revenge/ adulterous sex going on over a period of time consisting of 5 people (that we know of), it would probably be in your best interest. No. I RECOMMEND that you and all parties involved get tested. Nothing more romantic than “His and Her” STD screenings 🙄

Post # 186
Member
86 posts
Worker bee

How do you know it was a ‘revenge’ affair and not just him moving on with his life after coming to terms with the fact that he couldn’t get over your betrayal? If he’s been with her all this while then it’s probably more serious than just a means to get back at you. 

Post # 187
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

This is an episode of Snapped waiting to happen. 

Post # 188
Member
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

saturnian :  I would actually argue that she doesn’t really love her husband. She probably thinks she does. But from all these posts I don’t think she actually knows what it truly means to love another person. All her posts are completely deluded and self-absorbed. She’s only concerned with her own needs and wants. She can’t lose him. She can’t accept no for an answer. She hasn’t been concerned at all with how this whole situation has hurt and affected him. It’s all been about her. 

Post # 189
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

saturnian :  I agree. I know people on this site like to act as if someone who made poor choices in life is irredeemable, but it is possible that she still loves her husband despite cheating and wants to be given a second chance to make it work. The trouble is, despite suggesting an open marriage, it doesn’t seem he wants to be a part of this marriage anymore. So why is he moving back? Who knows, but love for OP doesn’t seem like one of the reasons. 

Post # 190
Member
10587 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I’m nostalgic for the days of Jen the Work Wife.

Post # 191
Member
10587 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

llevinso :  

He’s actually on his way into a witness protection program.

Post # 195
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

anon97 :  Bee, I don’t really think he wants the open marriage at all. He really just wants the freedom to be in a relationship with this woman. I think you’re turning a blind eye to what he actually wants here. 

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