(Closed) Faded Out Bridesmaid… to have a talk or to let it be…

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 18
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

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@mandypop:  In My Humble Opinion, you don’t need to justify why you’re uncomfortable having this person stand-up for you at your wedding.  A guest is somewhat different, as they can fade into the crowd for the most part.  But having someone you have beef with next to you as you say your vows is not something you “should” have to deal with. 

Post # 19
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sounds to me like there might be some jealousy on her part. Has she always had a complex abut money or is this a new thing?

In the end it is your decision if you want her up there or not. My problem Bridesmaid or Best Man I have known since I was 9. She drove all of us crazy and if things had been different I might not have kept her in the wedding. But I did. I dealt with it, and I had a wonderful Maid/Matron of Honor who we both could turn to each other to talk about her ridiculous behavior. I only had a few months to deal with it however. I planned my whole wedding in less than 6 months.

Post # 20
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It’s a long story and I have posts about it, but one of my MOHs was being weird and said she was so busy and couldnt plan my shower and then she got pregnant so I was just open and said, “I know you have a lot going on so if you would like to not be a bridesmaid anymore that is fine.” In the end she said she still wanted to, but I don’t know if that would happen for you. 

Post # 24
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I say be direct and get it over with.  My sisters decided they would not be BM’s when my anxiety flared around trying to find them dresses… they had my mom call me.  Yeah, it sucked, but life goes on and I got to get back to (sleeping and) planning.  I know mine was a different situation, out of concern for my health, but if it’s bothering you that much, just get it over with.  I’m sorry you’re having to worry about it, though!  🙁

Post # 25
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

If you’re not comfortable with ripping off the band-aid, so to speak, then just leave it alone for a few months. Stop including her in your Bridesmaid or Best Man emails and events. If you want to remain friends with her, just leave wedding stuff completely out of any conversation that you have. It doesn’t sound like this is a healthy friendship right now, so I’d say either sit her down and tell her you’ve noticed this happening and it’s hurt your feelings and asking if there is anything you can do to help, or just let it fade away.

Post # 26
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well not talking about it is not going to get anything done, is it? Chances are, she’s having a really, really, really hard time. At those times, you need your friends. Email, text, phone call doesn’t cut it. Suck it up and show up in person. Do something nice for her, even if you may not want to . It may melt her, and maybe you’ll learn things you don’t know. 

You are not a mind reader. She is not a mind reader. Talk.

Post # 27
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’m really lame for these types of things so I’d probably lie.  “A groomsman dropped out, so we only need X bridesmaids now.  I’m really sorry.”   Later:  “Oh plans changed and he was able to make it!   But it was such short notice and I thought you wouldn’t want to so I asked X.”  Yep – I’m that much of a chicken.

Honesty is probably the best choice.  🙂  Tell her you know she’s overwhelmed and you don’t want to put her through the extra expense and everything. 

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