(Closed) Failed marriage before getting married?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I say get a new best man.  I wouldn’t want anyone standing up there that didn’t believe in my marriage… isn’t that the whole point?

Post # 4
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Depends on the context and the purpose of the comment.  Was he being flippant?  Was he trying to warn you or your FI?  Was he venting in an inappropriate way about his own fears (losing his BFF/poker buddy/bro-mance)?  Were there supporting points or just a blanket statement?  Really, you need to decide how seriously you are taking his comment.  If he’s just being a tool, and/or if liquor was involved, don’t worry about it.  Respond next time with a jovial “Hey, no one asked you! :)”  If, however, he put thought into it, take it as it was meant: advice from someone connected with one of you.  If his supporting points were BS or irrelevant, then you move on.  Response: “I hear what you are saying, and it (pick either is or isn’t) total BS for the following reasons.  Thank you for your concern as our friend.”  If there were no supporting points and he was just being mean spirited, then I suggest finding a new best man.



Post # 5
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Did he give specific reasons or was he just either 1) being an ass or 2) being a sarcastic, joking ass?

Post # 6
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

One of my FI’s groomsmen doesn’t particularly like me and thinks I’m wrong for my Fiance. He used to make a big deal out of it, until my Fiance sat him down and said that he doesn’t want to hear any more about it, ever, because he loves me and is marrying me and doesn’t care what this friend thinks about that. His friend hasn’t said a word against me since. He’s now a groomsman, and as long as he isn’t trying to talk my Fiance out of it, it’s my FI’s side and he gets to choose, and this friend will support his decision either way. If your best man can suck it up and deal, and not say anything against you (your Fiance should make sure best man knows that he’ll choose you over anyone else), then I’d try to move past it. Your Fiance is choosing you to marry and if you are both confident that’s what’s important.

Post # 7
5653 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

That guy shouldn’t be the best man. The best man is supposed to be supporting the future marriage, not declaring it doomed before it has even started.

I don’t care if he was drunk or acting out of worrying he is losing his buddy, as the best man he shouldn’t be saying crap like that. If he’s going to say crap like that, he should step down. He at least needs to be sat down and talked to about this.

Post # 8
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

It really depends on his reasonings for saying it. If I really didn’t believe a marriage would last, or should go on in the first place, I dont’ know that I could stand up for that person

Post # 9
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ummm that is beyond rude.  Who agrees to be best man and then says that?!  I’d tell him where he can stick his opinion…

Post # 10
9478 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Depends on his reasoning for it.

Do you know if he doesn’t really care for you?  Is he a single man upset that he’s losing his buddy that can do all sort of single things with him?  Is it possible he knows something?

In the end, I hope it’s nothing serious.  Good luck.

Post # 12
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply

He was definitely out of line. Christian or not your sex life has absolutely nothing to do with him, or the success of your marriage.

Post # 13
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
@bee_elle: Pretty much this.

He was way out of line.

Post # 14
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

by your first post i was thinking of our own situation where one of hubbys buddies married a woman and we KNEW it was going to fail (lasted less than 12mths) and i often asked hubby if he should say something, but we didnt

but by your 2nd post… awkward but not understanding his intentions (meaning im not a praying christian type to stick my nose into something like this) maybe he just meant to offer support and not necessarily say your marriage was going to fail – hopefully his heart is in the right place although his nosey assumptions arent

Post # 15
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Honestly, this is why it is very important to keep people out of your relationship. No one should know about your sex life or your decisions. I learned with my past relationships that I don’t need to tell my friends or family everything about my relationship. Bridesmaid or Best Man was super wrong for what he did to you! I say fire him. You only want people who will support your relationship no matter what decisions you and your FH made. Take this as a lesson learned, trust me!

Post # 16
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

View original reply
@raekae: I actually don’t think he was saying he thinks your marriage is going to fail, I do think he was being judgemental and making assumptions, and it sounds less like he wanted to talk WITH you and more like he wanted to preach AT you, and to be honest thats not really someone I would want as a best friend…..


I think if I were in your position I would probably sit down and talk with him, explain how it made you feel, and that it was out of line, also that he knows your choosing to abstain (which really isn’t his business, regardless of religion because thats between you, your SO and God, but whatever), etc. I would also be prepared that your friendship is probably going to be very different, because it’s hard to get past being really judged by a good friend, and if he is judging you he is probably just plain judgemental! I’m sorry your dealing with this! I hope you don’t let him ruin your special time, your relationship, and your faith!

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