Failure to Launch syndrome

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
7910 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Being a caregiver is a big job, and there is a shortage of people working in that field. I wouldn’t knock him just yet. 

Post # 17
296 posts
Helper bee

Do you resent your brother for some reason? I’m asking because you’re unfairly judging him as an adult who has failed at independence when he is a full time caregiver to your grandmother. Taking care of an elderly relative requires maturity and patience. Not everyone is capable of assuming that responsibility. 

There’s also nothing wrong with being single; it’s better than enduring an awful relationship for the sake of appearing more adult to others. Have you considered that your brother may not want to date because he already has his hands full with your grandmother? Maybe he doesn’t feel ready for a relationship just now. Just because he hasn’t mentioned dating anyone, it doesn’t mean that your brother has actually refrained from “even speaking to a woman.” Maybe he hasn’t opened up about possible romantic relationships because he’s afraid that you’ll just talk down to him. 

I don’t understand why you look down on single adults. Remember that married couples consist of two people who were single before they met and decided to share a life together. 

Post # 18
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

Being a caregiver is a very hard job.  It sounds to me that he is working very hard these days.  Based on the title of your post, I thought he was mooching off your parents and not doing anything.  

If he is doing all the care of grandma, he is working very hard these days.  My dad broke his hip this summer and I spent a week with him while my mom was out of town with a previous engagement.  It was hard work making his meals, giving meds, running errands, etc.  

I think your brother is doing fine.  You sound like you have an issue with him though.  

Post # 19
6403 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

There is a man in the neighboring small community whose life sounds very similar. He lived at home until his folks died, and he still lives in that home. He didn’t work until they died, although he did pursue a degree. He is now – finally, after his folks have died – the manager of the local bank, although I am not sure he has ever dated. He’s almost 50 now. He’s very nice, and now works every day, though he is still not married or in a relationship, and he still lives in the home he grew up in. I cannot fault him for his life choices, and how he chooses to live doesn’t affect me at all.

Post # 20
1572 posts
Bumble bee

Ughh that’s difficult. Maybe he can move into the field of aged care as he seems to be quite good at it. Does your grandma have friends he can visit a few times a week to provide care, and build up some references? Then he could get a qualification as well. Just an idea.

Post # 21
1372 posts
Bumble bee

OP, I’m curious: Now that you’ve gotten a radically different perspective on this from the majority of Bees, have you begun to reconsider your own? 

Post # 22
5951 posts
Bee Keeper

I imagine your hard working brother is tired of your judgmental attitude in presuming that your life choices are superior to his. He doesn’t have to justify himself to you and he does have a job even if it doesn’t have a pay cheque attached to it. Caregivers of the elderly, small children, and those with disabilities have very meaningful and important roles, it’s certainly not your brother’s fault that you undervalue these things. 

Are you wondering if you’ll fare equally to him in your grandmother’s will or are you simply unable to appreciate lifestyle choices different than your own? 

Post # 23
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Why are you so judgmental? You sound incredibly bitter for some reason. He doesn’t seem to be intruding on your life or mooching from you and seems to be taking great care of his grandmother which sounds like a full-time job to me.

Post # 24
5437 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

He actually sounds like he is fantastic for your grandmother and very, VERY far from being a mooch.

Post # 25
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

mrspebble :  It sounds to me like his full-time job is caring for your grandmother. This is a type of job that requires a lot of emotional intelligence and skill, and can be translated to very in-demand jobs in the healthcare field.

For example, you could suggest that he go into the nursing profession. He can start off with a Home Health Aide/Certified Nursing Assistant course and certification, which will allow him to do the same or similar things he is doing for your grandmother, and get paid while doing it.

HHA’s pretty much do the same things he is already doing for your grandmother (minus the finances), so his experience there would be a plus. CNAs are certified by the state, and a lot of agencies in my area want you to have that certification–plus this certification would give him the ability to work in nursing homes and hospitals. Again, his experience taking care of your grandmother would be seen as a plus in this field.

When I took a combined HHA/CNA course and then the state exam, it was pretty affordable. It seems to be around $1,000-1,200 in my state now.

From there, he would be able to work. He would get clinical experience and (if he wanted to) be able to attend school part-time (or full-time) to get his prerequisites in and go to nursing school to become a nurse. It’s a very in-demand and highly paid job, and he’s already building the skills that are necessary for it.

Btw, if he does go to nursing school, he can look into special programs for people who want to go into nursing but already have a bachelor’s dgeree. These accelerated programs will allow him to get his BSN faster.


As for you, OP, perhaps you should watch this:

 You sound very judgmental to me, and it also sounds like you might not think that being a caregiver would be a problem if someone was a woman (i.e. SAHM). Caring is a job, and obsviously your brother is good at it. So swallow your judgements, give credit where credit is due (he is saving your family thousands upon thousands of dollars by taking care of your grandmother), and encourage him to go in the direction he obviously seems to be drawn to.

cbgg :  This is true too, it sounds like he could be a great Stay-At-Home Dad… and there would be nothing wrong with that.

Post # 26
561 posts
Busy bee

mrspebble :  I think you should encourage him to go into the caregiving profession. There is a whole range from them fom home health aides to certified nursing assistants to nurses to nurse practitioners or certified nurse anesthetists. Your brother still has time to climb the whole damn ladder to the top if he wants.

It sounds like he needs support and encouragement, not judgement.

Post # 27
1638 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like he is well cut out for elderly care. And he’s a dude so he’ll have that advantage for tasks requiring physical strength. 

The one thing he should think of is to make sure to get some kind of proof or recommendation to make his applications that much stronger. Does your grandma have a neighbor or friend or child of a friend who could write a letter later? 

Post # 28
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

He has a degree in something “not great”. What’s his degree in? It’s not like he dropped out of high school & is some unmotivated deadbeat. He’s a college graduate who takes care of his elderly grandmother.

Post # 29
1013 posts
Bumble bee

If he was sitting around playing video games all day being served by his grandmother, that would be a different story. But it sounds like he is a round-the-clock caretake for his grandmother, which I think is excellent. She is probably saving tons of money by simply supprting him while he takes care of her, instead of getting an in-home caretaker. I understand why you would worry, but it truly seems like everything is fine. Take a chill pill. 

Post # 30
296 posts
Helper bee

 jannigirl :  

Exactly! The idea that only certain degrees are worthy is very ignorant. 

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