(Closed) Falling Apart…long post

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@bestwishes:  I left my synagogue 2 years ago for a similiar occurance.  The new rabbi supported some views that I did not.  The thing that made me leave was this:  If I have children, and they attend that synagogue, will they learn lessons that I do not want them to?

I think before leaving that maybe you should speak with the pastor and tell him how uncomfortable you are with the fundraising for anti-gay initiatives.  Ask him if its really sponsored by the church or just a few prejudiced members.  Depending on his answer, I would then decide whether or not the wedding will be there.

Hope this helps.

Post # 5
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

From the point of view of your brother, you need to ask him. I would assume (which may be wrong) that you supporting the church means you do not support is lifestyle. (In his thoughts on some level)

If you were to work for Phillip Morris (famous cigarette company) then at some level you support cigarettes.

If you question it, then its probably wrong. 

I had a professor tell me once that if you can take a room and fill it full of everyone you love and respect, brothers (!), mom, dad, sisters, grandma, boss, coworkers etc and you make an announcement of your decision and they woundt approve, then its probably wrong.  Of course that isnt perfect as an example… but think about it.

Post # 6
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If the church was in any way involved in that, I would not be able to be a member, let alone get married in it.

Post # 7
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree, talk to your brother and see what he says. Honestly, I can’t imagine he wouldn’t support your still getting married by the church. My sister is gay, she left the church shortly after coming out and hasn’t been back. She plans to make an exception for the wedding because she knows how much it means to me and because she knows that I also don’t agree with their views on her sexuality. (And as a small jab at their skewed views, we’re making her an usher and she gets to dress like the groomsmen!) 🙂

I truly hope you find a resolution for this situation that can make everyone comfortable. It’s a tough situation to be in, but if everyone has an open mind, you should be able to figure something out.

Post # 8
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

have you asked your brother how he feels? Could you explain to him you support him, but really feel the spiritual need to continue attending this church?  I would suggest you fight to stay at the church – if you are growing spiritually I think it’s important that you need to stay for that and try to talk to your brother to know you support him.

If your brother is against you going to the church then you just need to weigh what you feel to more important – a good relationship with God, or a good relationship with your brother.

Post # 8
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

 “I don’t support it, so I don’t want the church’s name on it.  I feel like it is from the people who give; not the whole church.”


I kinda have to disagree with that statement. The church itself is the one that started the offering and asked for donations for that cause in the first place so really they are the ones that support this whole thing the most. I don’t blame you for not wanting to leave your church because it sounds like you really identify with the church. However, if I was in your position I would NOT be able to attend services there knowing that they hate my brother for who he is. I agree with talking to your pastor but in the end I guess you have to decide whether or not it’s a big enough issue to you personally. 

Post # 10
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@bestwishes:  That last line! <3

Post # 11
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I wish you the best.  Might I suggest just praying and asking god where he wants you to go?

Post # 13
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you need to talk to your pastor and tell him you don’t support it and why.  If he gives you an answer that you can live with, you can talk to your brother about it.  If not, I think you won’t feel good about it no matter what.

It’s important to take care of your spirituality, and it’s fantastic to find someone who makes you feel closer to God, but this is drama you don’t necessarily need.  If your pastor died in a car crash tomorrow you’d have to seek out another church, so it’s not impossible to find another place.  It may be difficult to find a church that meets your needs, but it’s impossible to replace your brother.  At the same time you do NOT want to resent your brother because you left a place where you felt loved on his behalf.

One thing to keep in mind is that change comes from within; if you truly do not support this, you can try and advocate to change the church’s policy so that it doesn’t contribute to any anti causes (for example, instead of an anti-war fund, a fund that helps families of injured soldiers visit their loved ones in hospitals that may be far away).  I find that people who are against gay marriage believe that it contributes to the breakdown of society (I strongly disagree…I think it goes in the opposite direction, but it’s a free country).  Encourage them to instead focus on causes that help society, like funds that help victims of abuse or people who are sick and unable to pay their medical bills.  Your church is much more likely to change its policy if an active member is advocating than if active members leave.

Post # 14
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@bestwishes:  I think if more people left churches, political canditates, friends etc over very large anti-right issues, we would not have so many organizations against such thinks such as homosexuality. Its your choice.

There are churches out there that can meet all of your needs and beliefs. Just because you leave this one doesnt mean you leave God or religion. You just need to find what works for you.

Post # 15
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@lefeymw:  Yes. THIS.

You can still have God in your life without stepping in to a church. You can be your own spiritual leader. But, if I were you, I’d start shopping for a new church. As for your wedding, I wouldn’t want that preacher to marry me, no matter how connected I felt with him in the past. I would explain my reasoning and find someone else. I’d rather have a stranger than someone who was totally against what I believe and what my family is. 

The topic ‘Falling Apart…long post’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors