- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
I’m new, but have been here for a while. I figured this would be the best place to come because I have no one else to talk to.
Me and my husband have been married for about a year and a half but have been together for five years. Even though we have good times together, I feel like the bad times outweigh the good. We fight a lot, aren’t intimate anymore, and I feel as though I can’t count on him.
Examples: any time I am having trouble or hard times, he seems to flake on me. My father was in the hospital because of a heart attack and he wanted to go to his parents house and leave me there. I was also in the hospital at one point, very sick, and he went behind my back and smoked cigarettes (he had quit a long time ago, and promised he wouldn’t ever touch them) which of course hurt me. He has also lied to me about small things here and there, and I don’t understand why, especially when those things are so minute.
But I just feel like I’m not in love with him anymore. I can’t tell if it’s because of all of the lies, and times he’s desserted me? or if it’s because I’m a different person and have become more self aware of what I want in life? (ex: focus on my schooling, myself and my career, etc) I have no idea what the focus of it all is, but what I do know is that it hurts tremendously.
It doesn’t help either as I feel stuck. His family loves me so much, and I would never want to hurt them. I know he loves me a lot and I don’t want to hurt him either. I also depend on him financially as I’m in school and not working at the moment, and we’re living together.
We have gone away together to re-connect, but even then, we fought and he did some things that really hurt me as well. I hate being intimate, as I don’t feel that connection anymore, and he very much wants to be. I always make an excuse as to why I can’t, and I feel horrible. He’s not totally blinded by how I feel either as he knows I don’t feel close to him anymore, but I don’t think he knows the extent. I told him that I would do whatever I could to smash these feelings and build up our marriage, but its hard because when I get to a good place, he seems to hurt me all over again in some way.
He is 28 and I am 23. I feel like I have my whole life ahead of me, and I shouldn’t be here. There is a lot of pressure from his family to have a baby, and I am not at all ready for that and neither is he, but I feel that with age, he is expected to have one soon from everyone else. Not being close to him though makes it very hard to even see that in our future. My medical issues also don’t help, and pregnancy isn’t going to be an easy situation for me to handle.
I also of course would not bring a child into a broken relationship, I want to be completely in love and financially stable first.
But what do I do? We have tried counceling, and it really didn’t teach us anything we didn’t already know that we needed to do. We do communicate better after going through it, and are honest about everything, but counseling hasn’t helped re-kindle that spark for me.
I’m just so lost, and don’t know what to do next, how to get out if I end up choosing that route, or how to repair my feelings if I want to continue working on things.
He’s an amazing man, and even though he has his faults, as do I, are we right for each other? 🙁
I know typing to a message board won’t give me the above all answer I’m looking for, but it could help guide me at least a little, and help me ease some of this off my back. I’ve been praying a lot through this as well, but just don’t know when to stop? or how much longer I should keep working on something that isn’t progressing?
Sorry for the long post bees, just seeking some advice from someone who would like to help.