Post # 1
Has anyone ever had a fallout with one of their bridesmaids? I just did yesterday and it hurts. I still cared about her, but she decided to not stand up at the wedding. I am not even sure if she will come to the wedding, even though she will still be invited. I have offered to buy her bridesmaids dress from her if she cannot get her money back for it because I know she dislikes it.
Is there any way I can make this blow easier for both her and for me…
I don’t plan on replacing her in the wedding party. I don’t feel like that is fair.
I just, I am kind of disappointed because she and I have been friends for a few years now and I was looking forward to her standing up.
Post # 3
What was the fallout about, was it because of the wedding? or something separate? If she chose not to be in the wedding, I’m not sure why it would be unfair to replace her?
Post # 4
@bells: It was not purely wedding related. We had been on and off friends for a while now. She did somethings that I didn’t agree with while dating her boyfriend which caused a strain in the relationship. She has been putting her new boyfriend in front of anything that has to do with her other friendships. She only seems to want to see her friends when he cannot hang out. It is infuriating as a friend to know you are the second or third or fourth option. Well she and another one of my bridesmaids decided that they cannot be friends anymore, and this girl then decides that she cannot be in my wedding. Which I understand, she and I haven’t been right for a while, I more asked her out of obligation than anything. She did hate the dress and complained a lot about my wedding details, like where she would stand in the line up, who she would walk with, what we had to choose for our menu, etc.
Now I don’t know whether it would make someone else feel like second best if I asked them to stand up just because someone stepped down. I have felt that feeling before and I really don’t like that feeling myself so I am sure that other people don’t either.
Post # 5
Yep, lots of ladies fall out with their bridesmaids every day.
Post # 6
@bRooklynRocks: Do they usually replace them or just leave the gap?
Post # 7
My advice would be to not replace her and here’s why: You don’t sound like there is anyone that you really WISH you had had in her place AND you mostly only asked this 1st girl out of obligation. Weddings always make things interesting, and you should really only have people in your wedding party that you really WANT to stand up for you – not people you ask out of obligation.
I “lucked out” and a lady that I had considered to be a good friend showed me that she really didn’t want to be friends anymore before I asked her to be a bridesmaid. I would have asked her too since as you say, she’d been a good friend for a number of years. But things with this friend also hadn’t been quite right and I think the same or worse would have happened to me had I asked her to be in my wedding. It hurt to realize that she wasn’t a friend anymore, but it worked out for the best for me.
IF I’m reading this wrong and there really is someone that you wished you could have asked before and didn’t because you asked this lady instead, then take that into consideration. But that’s the only reason that I would consider replacing this other lady.
Post # 8
@dodgercpkl: I oon’t. The only other person I would consider would be my sister. but I think I am just leaving her as an Honorary because we aren’t close enough where I want her standing up. I think it will work best having an odd number and one of my maids of honor just walk down with two boys.
It works best for me.
I just didn’t know if many have had this situation handed to them. I feel like I have handled it very maturely. I am going to buy her dress from her if she cannot get her money back. (we had told the girls to take off the rhinestones off of it and if she did that already then she will not be able to get her money back). I know she dislikes the dress so thats my last thing to her. I believe I will still invite her to the wedding. I am sure she will not come, but I feel like I should still give her the opportunity to come if she wishes.
Post # 9
I’m so sorry. I will say this…it’s better that it happened now than after the wedding. My maid of honor and I haven’t spoken since my wedding day, and we are no longer friends, so looking back on all those pictures of her standing up next to me…well, it’s kind of painful. She and I were friends for a long time, but it was not a good or healthy friendship for me. It would have been really nice if I had figured that out before she stood next to me on my wedding day (actually, I did, but it was two days before the wedding and I didn’t want to tell her to go home, so I just continued on as if everything was fine). Anyway, the point of all this is to say: if you and this bridesmaid don’t have the friendship you thought you had, it’s better for you that you found out now–that way only people that truly love and support you will be standing with you on that day. I absolutely know how hard this is, and I’m so sorry you’re going through it. It’s been 6 months since my wedding and I’m still not over what happened between me and my Maid/Matron of Honor. I hope that you can move past this and just enjoy the rest of your wedding planning!