(Closed) Families are being difficult

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting your Future In-Laws know that your father is a recovering alcoholic and doesn’t feel comfortable making it a free for all bar night at your wedding.  If the ILs disagree then I would politely let them know that they can cover the cost of the alcohol if they want more than what your parents as hosts plan to provide.  It is not out of line to ask them to cover this cost if it’s something they absolutely want at the wedding and your parents have good reason not to (and being a recovering alcoholic is a good reason to have NO alcohol at all so kudos for your father for agreeing to wine.)

Talk to your FH first and get him on the same page as you and then invite the ILs over to discuss (do this on your turf, not theirs.)

Post # 4
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Your dad is being completely unreasonable.

Is he not wanting to pay for ANY alcohol AT ALL?  That is unrealistic, especially considering that some of your family does drink.

Wine with dinner should be determined a “normal expense” of the reception.  It shouldn’t be “that” costly…. Have your venue price out the difference between wine and just serving soft drinks… at my venue there is only a $1 difference per person to include dinner wine over just the price of soft drinks.

The cash bar isn’t costing anyone money (except those who choose to drink) so that shouldn’t inflate the cost.

Can you just provide him a “dinner is this much per person” without going into the specifics?

Post # 5
2556 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If it’s a cash bar, I’m not understanding the alcohol expense other than wine with dinner?

Post # 6
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@CountryRose:  Your dad has a problem with the cost of providing wine to your guests at dinner? If you will be having a cash bar outside of wine with dinner, it shouldn’t cost you anything outside of the wine. I don’t understand how it can be such a huge expense if you’re only providing wine. Sounds to me like your dad just really doesn’t want anyone to get to enjoy a drink or two at your wedding and is trying to force his sobriety on everyone else. 

As a guest I would be annoyed if there wasn’t at least the option of alcohol and something provided at dinnertime. I have no problems with a cash bar, so long as I’m well aware of it beforehand. If you have a dry wedding expect your guests to leave shortly after dinner.


Post # 9
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Would he feel more comfortable if you said that inlaws will pay for alcohol, and he is paying for dinner and something else to even out the cost?

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