Post # 1
So I’ll try to keep this short. Got engaged in March and started planning before realizing how long all this COVID stuff would last. He’s from Australia, I’m from the US and we currently live in the US. Hardly anyone besides parents/siblings were going to be willing or able to travel to the other country even pre-COVID. It’s a longggg way. We planned to have a civil ceremony and reception in Australia in March 2021, followed by a traditional Catholic ceremony and recpetion in the US in May.
Well, borders are effectively closed and who knows when they will open. I can’t plan anything for either event because there are better than even odds it’ll be cancelled. Vendors are going to be booked if I wait much longer, and all we have booked are venues. We’re seven months out from the proposed Australia wedding, and nothing is done/can be done.
Finance would be TOTALLY fine with a micro wedding with just immediate family if it were possible to do that and forgo the big receptions entirely. But right now, no one can travel and we don’t know when they will be able to. I’m also fine with eloping entirely, but I worry about letting people down, especially my mom. We’re really close and I’m an only child. So they options we have discussed are as follows:
1. Postpone both events to 2022 and wait. This also pushes back TTC, buying a house, me getting on his health insurance, ect ect.
2. Elope this year, and have receptions in 2022.
3. Possibly??? Travel restriction-dependent plan to have a very small micro-wedding, possibly in Canada sometime in 2021 and forgo the receptions. I only mention Canada because the US is a hot mess with COVID and Australia has it pretty under control, so possibly they will open borders with Canada sooner than the US and his parents could come over.
What would you do? Open to other suggestions as well!
Post # 2
sorry you are stuck in this situation. Honestly if you want to get married, I’d get married in the USA on the date you choose to get married. It’s a pandemic, impossible to predict when travel will be safe again (and when travel opens up, invariably there will be another wave). I wouldn’t put off my longterm plans of TTC and buying a house just for the wedding events personally. Also I wouldn’t count on the USA/Canada border being open for a very very long time. Experts are predicting *maybe* a year from now, but it all depends on how the USA handles Covid (and no one is holding their breath with that one).
Post # 3
#2. Elope this year, and have receptions in 2022. Although your mom and certain others might be disappointed, these are not normal times and your goals of marriage, home ownership and children take precedence. Anyone who doesn’t understand this difficult but wise decision needs to take a seat.
Post # 4
this is super personal. were you planning to TTC right away or are there other reasons you want to get legally married sooner than later? are both of you fine with eloping (sounds like you’re on board but your fiance is not?)
for me, i’d be fine pushing back a bigger wedding celebration, but would want to wait until at least my immediate family could attend my wedding.
Post # 5
I would elope now with a livestream for your family, then have an in person celebration later. Gambling on borders opening is too risky. You have plans for TTC and buying a home. Delaying the legal protections of marriage for 2 years, especially during a global pandemic, seems also risky.
Post # 6
We’re both on board for elopement, but I’m slightly hesitant of upsetting people. I actually really like the idea independent from others’ feelings though, and sort of wish I’d planned it from the get-go. My mom has already paid for my dress too, which was like her contribution to the wedding, and so I feel awful about that as well.
Post # 7
That’s the other thing, the legal protections. I’d be happy enough to put off TTC for another year or so, as I’m only 26 anyway. But I think the whole borders being closed thing has really brought the reallity of the limitations of our partnership to light. As in, we are from different countries and dependent on working visas to be together. Not at all cool given the current economy/immigration situation in the world. His job is quite safe, but in the current climate I feel super anxious about lacking the legal privledges to be together that marriage brings.
Post # 8
As a canadian, trying to use the country as a loophole bc the US is so fucked is extremely selfish and dangerous. Please dont use our country and citizens as a rock hop so you can avoid government mandated border closures.
Anyways. Of your options, I think option 2 is what I’d do. If he’s not a PR and only here on a work visa, I think his immigration status is more important than family being around.
Post # 9
I vote option 2, and don’t push of TTC. Life is so uncertain right now, and it’s not worth putting your family on hold.
Post # 10
if you guys are both fine with eloping, that’s probably what i would do then! i’m sure if you explained it to your mom she would understand. and if you decide to do a delayed celebration/reception, i’m sure your mom would still be super excited about being involved with that.
Post # 11
#2 for sure, YOUR wedding isn’t about pleasing other people in the first place and definatley shouldn’t be during a pandemic.
I feel you on the mom part, I am an only child as well… but even in these times.. my mom would be like “SEND PICS”
you could always live stream the elopement too, so people can be a part of it!
Post # 12
I would just elope. Livestream in your family if you want. Keep open the possibility of a later reception, but also recognize that once you’re married and working on a house, kids, etc…. you might not want to spend 10 or 20 grand on a party (that happened for us, lol). I’m sorry this is happening! But I wouldn’t postpone your marriage for 2 whole years.
Post # 13
I would elope and have the parties later. I don’t think your life should be out on hold due to Covid.
Post # 14
In your situation, I would elope.
Right now, Australia has internal state borders closed (and Melbourne is currently closed to the rest of Victoria; Melbourne itself is under curfew). It may be many months (or more) until these internal borders are reopened. It will be significantly longer before national borders are open, and even when those open for Australian citizens, manatory hotel quarantine (at the traveler’s expense) may remain. Because coronavirus eradication has been reached in most Australian states, many Australians there may be apprehensive traveling to Canada because the situation is still much worse there than in places like South Australia and Western Australia.
Because of all of these factors, I would just assume that traveling to Australia, or having Australians venture out of Australia, is off the table indefinitely. I have a lot of sympathy – not being able to get married with family around is tough. However, I don’t think it’s worth postponing so many major life events because of the current border situation. I’m sure that family in Australia will understand.
Post # 15
You are dreaming if you think Australia is going to open it’s borders with Canada. Sorry but we are tentatively in discussions to form a travel bubble with NZ starting next year. Given that direct flights to Canada where rare pre-covid, they will be non existent during covid. Which means stopping in the states. Any Australia willing to do that for a non essential reason is being an idiot in my opinion. And a wedding is a non essential reason to travel.
Just get married now in private and zoom your folks/relatives in and celebrate later, probably much later.