Post # 1
I have recently been put in a position to choose between my older brother being at my wedding or his two young daughters. A bit of background, my brother had his daughters very young (I was 14 at the time) I am very close to the girls and they are like sisters to me. My brother isnt involved him their life, this is because he didnt have the best lifestyle (drugs, girls, drinknig) and he also didnt show up for his custody court date. He has since gotten better and matured but still hasnt gotten a lawyer to get back into their lives. While all this was happening I have been the only person from my family to make an effort to see my neices. They are bridemaids in my wedding. I met with their mother and she and I agree it wouldnt be a good idea for the girls to see my brother on my wedding day and it would be too emotional for eveyrone. So… I have been put in the position to choose and I chose my neices. My brother didnt make any real efforts to see them and has put me in this position. When I told my parents and antie about this they said they wouldnt attend the wedding if I didt allow my bother to be there and feel like I am siding with my neices mom. I dont know what to do..I feel like not even having this wedding anymore. Any advice??
Post # 3
@Superbride12345: I don’t think excluding anyone is the answer, certainly they can all put their differences aside for a few hours?
Post # 4
How close are you to your brother? I think that definitely makes a difference. I understand the need to exclude someone from your wedding. I’ve found that most people who haven’t had to deal with such a situation don’t understand how sometimes its just not doable. Its your wedding and you don’t want a scene or any stress. I’m excluding someone from mine – all of the people who are close to the situation understand it and agree with me, but those on the outside don’t and all they say is, “how can you not invite her?”
If you and your brother are close then that is tricky. If you really aren’t and you only feel the need to invite him for the sake of inviting your brother then I would stick with having your nieces there. He might not like it but he’ll have to get over it and have to understand. When I said that I wasn’t inviting my stepsister to my wedding my stepdad (who I am very close to and is giving me away) threatened not come. After a few days he came around though. He isn’t happy about it, but he says that there is no way he will miss my wedding and that he only said that out of anger. I’m sure your family is probably (hopefully) doing the same thing. At the end of the day this is your wedding, not a family reunion.
Post # 5
I am close to my brother and very close to my neices. Their mother will not allow them to be there if he is there. My parents and other family members wont come if he isnt there; they are basically pushing me into choosing my brother.
Post # 6
@Superbride12345: I would just choose who you really want to be there. It is your wedding. I think its pretty shitty of family members to try and manipulate your guest list by threatening not to come. It sounds like its impossible to include everyone so I would sit down with your brother and explain the circumstances and the reasoning for your decision. If he is an objective person he should understand. Then, if he is understanding of it he could probably talk to your parents/aunt and calm them down about it too. It sucks that people are putting you in that situation.
Post # 7
Depending on the situation, I think you should get them to meet before your wedding and invite them both. Big family events have a way of bringing family members together, and this could be a wonderful opportunity.
Ask your brother if he is willing to do that. If he isn’t, he shouldn’t be invited, IMO. But if he is willing, it’s never too late to get involved in his children’s lives. My mother’s older sister was given up for adoption as a baby, and somehow my mother got into contact with her years later. It took 30 years, but my aunt finally met her father, and now they are very close.
Also, you’ve already asked his daughters to be bridesmaids, and they shouldn’t have to pay for your brother’s shortcomings. Ultimately, it’s your wedding, so you should have people you love there, perhaps minus the ones who cause a lot of drama (threatening not to come if your brother doesn’t)…
Post # 8
I would pick my nieces. Sorry but if my adult parents and aunties were taking a stand over this …. I woudln’t want them there.
What if you invited their mom? Would she feel better about the whole thing?
I had a simliar problem. I am the one that reached out to my former SIL(they divorced), after my brother passed away, to take my nieces whenever I could, vacations/weddings/overnights and my other brother’s never did. When my wedding rolled around it was a DW for my family. I had to invite her because they were too young to fly alone.
I called my other brother’s told them she would be there, and after hearing how “white trash” it was to have that lying B*tch there, I said … eff you .. come.. don’t come I don’t care those kids will be there and if you don’t come that’s pathetic. They all came. My brothers’ ignored her and she ignored them, but they all came.
I think it’s pathetic that your family would take a stand against your nieces. It’s your brother that’s the adult and he hasn’t done what he’s supposed to. I think it would be too emotional for your nieces to be at the wedding and see a man they rarely do.