Post # 1
Okay, so I am excited to say that we are Offically PLANNING to TTC in the fall!! Yaya!
I am 25 and he is 32… timing will be oddly good… I will be in grad school but will give birth a few months after graduation (if everything goes as planned!). We are planning on me taking the first year off and then go back to work after.
My side of the family has been asking about when we will have kids since the moment we got married (two years ago). They are all supportive and say go ahead whenever. I come from a family that struggled finicially and they say you can make it work no matter what… I love them.
BUT my MIL and FIL… not so much. They have voiced the kiddos should be on the hold for another 3 or 4 years. They say I should be established in my career… etc, etc, etc. They are very well off and very known lawyers.. It bothers my hubby so much that he says when we do end up pregnant that we will probably tell them it was unexpected. (Not an accident but kindof..)
It does bug me that we have to say our future planned baby will be an “uh-oh” but i understand it.
I don’t know.. does anyone else have parents/family opposing of their plans?
Post # 3
@Sbee82: Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. I can’t say that we do. I hope they come around and know that this is a decision between you and DH and that’s all that matters. I don’t think I’d be able to act like it was an “uh-oh.” Good Luck in TTC. Hope your wait is a short one. : )
Post # 4
@Sbee82: Stuff like this is why I will never tell family when we start TTC. I don’t think you should have to lie to your in-laws about how baby came to be… I personally think you should give an honest answer and stick to your guns. It’s not their decision about the pace with which you move on with your lives, it’s yours and your DH’s and you should own that and be proud of it
Post # 5
“We decided as a couple this was the best tme for us to expad our family” is all that needs to be said. I wouldn’t ever lie and say it was unexpected just to appease them.
FWIW- My MIL was “not ready too be and grandma” so she quit talking to my husband and I until after I had DD and then didn’t see her until she was months old (she saw her maybe 5 times her first year of life and lives 1 hour away). She sees us maybe 2-3 times a year now. I am pregnant with #3 and DH hasn’t heard from her since he told her we were expecting again. So I completely get how it feels to have IL’s who aren’t exactly excited to become Grandparents. At first I felt really bad about it, but decided not to let it take any excitement/happiness away form DH and myself.
Post # 6
@Sbee82: Congrats on your plans to start TTC, very exciting!
I think your in-laws are just stating their opinion, Obviously, education & career development is very important to them & they have developed their opinions based on their experiences & what they have seen in life.
In the end it’s only up to you & your hubby but family support is also important. I would try to understand where they are coming from, thank them for their advice & then do what you want to do.
I do not agree however with lying about a potential pregancy being unplanned. That is a lie you will both have to keep up with for a long time, basically the rest of your lives. And also, if someoe is really ready to be a parent, they should be ready to stand up for themselves, their family & their choices.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone… and yes, i agree about the lying. I don’t plan on it and knowing my husband, when the time comes, he won’t either.
But the fact we had to think of it makes me sad. BUT i know i will be PROUD and I wont be able to hide the fact that we had planned it … and soooo happy to start this adventure!
Post # 8
I think you both sound ready, responsible and have a good plan. Why the don’t see it that way is strange. Maybe being lawyers.. my lawyers friends are very career driven and see having a good stable job is priority and should be done before kids. Their brains work way different. Have fun trying:)
Post # 9
I was concerned that my parents would be like this, to the point that I finally broke down and told my mom that I felt like when I do get pregnant, telling her and my dad would be like announcing it as a high schooler or something. Like even though I am married and a self-supporting financially stable adult, they’ll still be disappointed in me for not being older (I’m 34, DH is 28). more established in my career, etc. Luckily for me, she reassured me they did not feel that way at all, and I can tell she talked to my dad because he has changed his tune and refrains from his usual comments about not being ready for grandchildren yet. I’m so relieved I did talk to her about it!
I hope your IL’s surprise you also and react nicely, but perhaps your DH should let them know when you are TTC and that he knows it may not be when they would choose for the two of you, but you are both very excited and hope they can be happy for you when the time comes, and that you want it to be happy news.
And congrats on deciding when the right time is for you two to TTC! I know that’s a very exciting feeling =)
Post # 10
I can’t exactly relate as both sets of parents are beyond ready to be grandparents and have made that quite known (we’re 29 and 30), but I wanted to tell you: to hell with what other people think! It’s your decision, and if your in-laws are at all decent people, they will love the crap out of that baby when it comes.
Post # 11
Honestly it’s none of their business. They noted their concerns and now your Fi needs to tell them you guys will make the choies which are best for you and the conversation should be dropped. You guys are adults and I advise againist lying and saying your baby is a uh uh. Your Fi parents don’t get to make choices about where and how you have a baby.