Post # 1
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
so I have got to the point that I just don’t know what to do anymore. Since day one my fiancé has not really wanted to come around my family for whatever reason An now after three years of being together we are getting married. My mom an my soon to be mother in law are constantly competing with each other an also talk badly about each other to me all the time. It stresses me out so much because even though they say they want what is best for me they do not realize that them acting like this just makes it harder. My mom an I were always really close until I starting dating my Now fiancé. She doesn’t approve of him because he’s not really a family person An does not like crowds. He has never once stopped me from being with my family, he just chooses not to go to family things with me. I came to terms with this awhile ago, but the constant reminder from my family makes it so difficult. We are getting married very soon An I love him so much, I just don’t know what to do with the family situation anymore an I am about nose level stress over it. Both his family and my family have some extremely strong personalities that clash. It makes it very difficult to plan things. I would love some input from anyone!
Post # 2
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
Ok, right off the bat I don’t like that he won’t attend family functions with you, but that’s just my feelings on it. I think we need more info here…how do the mothers know each other well enough to talk badly about each other, and what are they saying? Does your Fiance avoid large family functions, or does he also, say, refuse to go to dinner with you and your parents? Does he expect you to go to his family get-togethers?
Post # 3
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
TBH, I wouldn’t be too keen on his not going to family functions, unless there was some underlying cause from social anxiety, for example. My husband and I regularly go to our respective in-laws for dinner, weekend visits, etc.
Does your mom list anything else that she is not too keen on about your fiance? Also, has this been an ongoing issue for three years, and it’s just being addressed now?
Post # 4
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre
For me that would be a deal breaker that he doesn’t attend family functions and what worries me the most is that he isn’t a family person. Then why get married? As for your mom and your future mother in law change the subject before they even start talking about each other. You need to put a stop to it because it stresses you out
Post # 5
Member
7238 posts
Busy Beekeeper
My cousin was dating a guy who refused to attend family functions with her. It went on for about 6 years- until her favorite Aunt died and he wouldn’t come to anything (including the funeral) and basically left my cousin to deal with her grief by herself- that was the thing that finally made her dump him.
Getting married means becoming family with someone. Why would you want to become family with someone who doesn’t think family is all that important?
Post # 6
Member
2614 posts
Sugar bee
I would never want to start a family with someone that was so against spending time with family. Part of getting married is joining each other’s families in addition to starting your own. You don’t necessarily have to be best friends and spend every waking moment with them, but not even attending SOME family functions is just a huge red flag to me.
What’s his reasoning for it? Is there something beyond just not liking it?
Post # 7
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
Devil’s advocate here. I don’t go to family functions if at all possible. I’ve probably been to one in the last decade. I hate them. I hate the small talk. I hate answering the same questions over and over. But then I’ve found someone who is of a similar mind. What you need to ask yourself is if he is the right fit for you. Will you be okay going to family functins solo for the rest of your life or do you need someone who will attend with you?
Post # 8
Member
760 posts
Busy bee
magpiebee : “I don’t go to family functions if at all possible. I’ve probably been to one in the last decade. I hate them. I hate the small talk. I hate answering the same questions over and over. “
+1!
I dislike these very much as my extended family is not someone I am close to. It seems like I wasted SO MUCH TIME attending them in the past when I was younger and had to go with my parents. Who knows, I could have avoided those functions to stay at home, do something more productive with my life, and become the next Mark Zukerburg!? 