Family and fiancé issues

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Ok, right off the bat I don’t like that he won’t attend family functions with you, but that’s just my feelings on it. I think we need more info here…how do the mothers know each other well enough to talk badly about each other, and what are they saying? Does your Fiance avoid large family functions, or does he also, say, refuse to go to dinner with you and your parents? Does he expect you to go to his family get-togethers? 

Post # 3
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

TBH, I wouldn’t be too keen on his not going to family functions, unless there was some underlying cause from social anxiety, for example. My husband and I regularly go to our respective in-laws for dinner, weekend visits, etc. 

Does your mom list anything else that she is not too keen on about your fiance? Also, has this been an ongoing issue for three years, and it’s just being addressed now? 

Post # 4
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

For me that would be a deal breaker that he doesn’t attend family functions and what worries me the most is that he isn’t a family person. Then why get married? As for your mom and your future mother in law change the subject before they even start talking about each other. You need to put a stop to it because it stresses you out

Post # 5
Member
6532 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

My cousin was dating a guy who refused to attend family functions with her. It went on for about 6 years- until her favorite Aunt died and he wouldn’t come to anything (including the funeral) and basically left my cousin to deal with her grief by herself- that was the thing that finally made her dump him.

Getting married means becoming family with someone. Why would you want to become family with someone who doesn’t think family is all that important?

Post # 6
Member
2738 posts
Sugar bee

I would never want to start a family with someone that was so against spending time with family. Part of getting married is joining each other’s families in addition to starting your own. You don’t necessarily have to be best friends and spend every waking moment with them, but not even attending SOME family functions is just a huge red flag to me. 

What’s his reasoning for it? Is there something beyond just not liking it? 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

Devil’s advocate here. I don’t go to family functions if at all possible. I’ve probably been to one in the last decade. I hate them. I hate the small talk. I hate answering the same questions over and over. But then I’ve found someone who is of a similar mind. What you need to ask yourself is if he is the right fit for you. Will you be okay going to family functins solo for the rest of your life or do you need someone who will attend with you?

Post # 8
Member
765 posts
Busy bee

magpiebee :  “I don’t go to family functions if at all possible. I’ve probably been to one in the last decade. I hate them. I hate the small talk. I hate answering the same questions over and over. “

+1!

I dislike these very much as my extended family is not someone I am close to. It seems like I wasted SO MUCH TIME attending them in the past when I was younger and had to go with my parents. Who knows, I could have avoided those functions to stay at home, do something more productive with my life, and become the next Mark Zukerburg!? embarassed

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