(Closed) Family and Friends Rudeness Over Hyphenation

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 32
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, I think some of those people may not be doing it to hurt you, but rather because it’s just “easier.” People have a tendency to assume you’ve become Mrs. HisLastName, and so I think they don’t realize the harm they’re causing by calling you that, rather than calling you by the full hyphenated name. It’s like when people start calling you that way before you’re married; they’re just getting used to the idea, and assume that’s how it will go because society tells them it’s the norm. Hell, those people probably assume it’s all the same to you, because you’re married to him after all.

As far as the people who are acting ridiculously on purpose.. well, screw those guys 😛 I’m sorry you’re dealing with people treating you that way; how you want to be referred to shouldn’t bother them in the slightest. Can’t imagine why it would. :/

Post # 33
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@joya_aspera:  My friend from high school did this. He had a horrid last name, that would’ve sounded ridiculous with mostly any name! So, he changed his last name to hers. Makes way more sense. 🙂

Post # 34
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@BetterSherm:  Oh ho ho, don’t even get me started – my Fiance and I are taking a new name together that is a lovely, short and sweet combo of our old names.  YOU CANNOT BELIEVE THE SH*T WE’RE GETTING.  His family is not talking to us and has completely pulled their support from our wedding.  (But it totally backfired on them, as they weren’t contributing anything but stuff *they* liked, and practically no funds.  Now we get the plan the wedding we dreamed of in the first place, with just willing and happy people!  Muwhahaha 😉

People will act like you’re murdering puppies, and it’s all because they’re insecure.  Insecure people see you making a different choice as a judgement on theirs; while those who are truly happy with themselves and their own choices might be puzzled but wont give you grief.  Be proud you’re standing up for what you have the right to do – define YOUR OWN NAME – and let the haters hate, they’ll get over it.  And if they don’t?  They’re doing you a favor and identifying themselves as people you should distance yourself from (because you were going to get the same treatment the second you made a different decision they didn’t…like not having kids/homeschooling/moving to Peru/stop eating meat/whatever!)  You go girl!

Post # 35
Member
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@BetterSherm:  Sexist crap! I’m 100% for anyone changing their name to whatever the hell they want it to be, but I hate when people can’t respect the decisions others have made. I love my last name. It’s part of my identity. I’m the last person in my family with it, and my father is dead. I love my man, and I love his last name, too… but taking his name feels weird to me- and to him. No one has said anything negative about it so far.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this BS. Stand your ground politely but firmly. 

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