Post # 1
Hi all, I’m after a bit of advice here. The background is kinda complicated so I will try to simplify it, and explain some non USA stuff.
We are getting married in the UK where a Hindu wedding ceromany (FI is Hindu) is not valid so we need to have a civil ceromany as well. For various financial and logistical reasons (mainly his siblings coming from abroad and me only haveing six days leave!) we are having them both on the same day, the civil one in the morning and the Hindu one in the afternoon. Thsi caused drama to get this far.
The morning one is for imidate family and bridal party only and the afternoon Hindu one or all our extended family and friends. (I know this is a big no-no for some people but I can’t afford two big weddings). The venue is booked and paid for and our max for the morning is 30 – not our limit, its set by the registrar. This means that we had to draw a line for the civil wedding and so we are having no aunts, uncles or cousins on my side (there are about 40 in total) but we are having Fiance cousin – he only has one. We have exactly 14 guests each coming. (28+FI and I =30max)
I hear today from my sister that my Aunt and Uncle wont come to the 2nd wedding because I havent invited my cousin to the first one. She is my closest cousin but I didn’t want to pick some cousins not others. My family (apparently) think we are giving in to his family more… and that If his cousin comes then one of mine must as well.
Invites go out tomorrow so I have to decide now, I could kick out a friend for my cousin. I just dont know what to do, I am fed up of my family making demands (FI’s parents are paying but my family are dictating songs, readings food choices etc).
Sorry about the length….
Post # 3
I’m sorry you have to face this sort of issue. I am surprised a Hindu ceremony is not legal in the UK; it seems like they are usually more open to different beliefs there than we are in the United States!
Anyways, what makes your family feel as though you are catering more to his family? Of the 28 guests at the ceremony in the morning, are most of them from his side?
Could you eliminate the drama and just not invite his cousin to the civil ceremony, or has he already been invited?
Post # 4
I say just talk to your parents and have them talk to your Aunt or Uncle and explain how you had to draw a bright line. You shouldn’t have to do all of the heavy lifting. Besides, they will likely understand it better coming from someone that they don’t consider a “child” so that they don’t minimize your feelings as selfish.
Post # 5
Thank you for your support, I was worried I was totally out of line and just not getting it.
It is possible to have a Hindu wedding that is valid but it would have to be inside a registered temple and temples dont seem to be in a rush to get registred and a Hindu wedding should happen outside (we’re compromising since its gonna rain in the UK in October and having it in avery large conservatory!). Marriages in the Uk are really quite restricted – you cant choose your own vows etc and they have to be inside and in the day time, no evening beach weddings with a friend officating here!
I would ask my parents to deal with Uncle but they are of the “giving in to FI’s side” train of thought. Basicly its white dress for the first one and saree for the second and because the second is “bigger” it must mean FI’s family is more important or whatever!
Fiance really wants his cousin there – the’re like BFFs and I dont want him to not have somebody he really cares about there just because my family are kicking up a fuss.
Thanks again for the help.
Post # 6
@blonde: If his cousin is like his best friend, then have him there and don’t worry about your fam. Do what the two of you want, and hopefully your family will be on board. If not, they will unfortunately just have to deal. Good luck!!