- 8 years ago
This is my first holiday season with my live in Boyfriend or Best Friend and our brady bunch family. (Each have a daughter from previous serious relationship/marriage.) I don’t know, somewhere along the lines of my childhood watching Christmas movies and reading fairytales, I grew to believe the (now) misconception that holidays were about families all being together sharing meals, and tradition, laughter, togetherness, and various other warm and fuzzies.
Not that I’ve been living in a cave the last 27 years, but I thought that this holiday would reach those heights now that my man and I have created a nice home and have children. I was wrong. Let’s take his moodiness from him not seeing his daughter enough, and add in my crankiness from working in retail (Asst. Store Manager of a large grocery store. The holidays are nuts.). Let’s add in a large helping of money woes, plus the wear and tear of two 4 year olds running around the house. To complete the lovelyness, let’s talk about the silent battle between our mothers as to where we are going. His mother is THE matriarch and her 3 boys have never not spent the majority of Christmas at her house. (His sister-in-laws, who have been dealing with this for years, have confirmed this.) His family is large and wonderful and welcoming, and are incredibly good to my daughter. Then there’s my mom, who, let me preface this, I love an incredible amount and she loves me and my daughter to pieces but is critical, a chronic complainer, over dramatic, and not as welcoming by nature. She has nothing in common with Boyfriend or Best Friend. Nothing. My mom is single, and there are no men in my family for him to chat with either. If you asked me where both him and I would have more fun on Christmas, I’d say his family would win. But, it’s not about us, and what we want, it’s about the kids and our individual families as well. And of course our children’s biological families want a chunk of time with them as well. I’ve pretty much mapped out in my head that there is no possible that both SO, myself, his family and my family can all be happy on Christmas. We won’t object coming to my mom’s with me for a bit after his mom’s but I know without him even saying anything (he would never, he’s a gentleman), that it’s not a fun experience for him at all. He literally sits there, smiles politely and tries to endure it. I can’t be upset with his lack of enthusiasm for going there because I, myself, don’t even like spending more than an hour there…it’s such a negative environment. But she is my mom and I love her, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings and of course she wants to see my daughter. Staying home is not an option, and neither is going our separate ways with our kids either. Plus I have to deal with his mother wanting to see his daughter the majority of the time that he has her (from 5pm xmas eve until noon on Christmas), which I understand because his family has limited access to her. But, that also means that there are no questions as to where he will be on xmas eve and where we will be xmas morning. (My mother sees my daughter every day because I pay her to babysit while I am working.) How is this all enjoyable?
All of this stress is draining me. I know things could be a lot worse for both of us, but I just wasn’t prepared for this. It’s all making me irritable, petty, nitpicky and read into way too many things.
Thank you all so much for listening to this vent. Phew, I’m done.