(Closed) Family Angry about Adult Mostly Wedding

posted 3 years ago in Reception
Post # 2
Member
9081 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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thyme142017 :  You told them it wasn’t important for their kids to be at your wedding. It’s going to cause some hard feelings. You’re allowed to make the decision you did but people tend to get upset when their kids are excluded from special events. I would stop trying to make it ok because it’s not going to work. Just ignore the griping and go about your business. 

Post # 3
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I think I read correctly- there are three local children under 2yo that you are not inviting, two of those children are not a problem anymore because the parents are fine with it, so you are allowing SEVEN out of state children to come and exlcuding ONE local child (..under the age of 2) from coming because “you don’t have enough seating/room in the budget”?

I think that family member has grounds to be upset over this.  A single child of that age does not take up a whole chair or require buying an extra plate.  It’s kind of ridiculous to make that many exceptions and specifically exclude this one kid.  You’re creating your own problem.

Post # 4
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

Your wedding is just around the corner, so I doubt you could change much at this point. You’ve made your decisions and don’t want a wedding with many children, and it sounds like that’s what your aunt wants you to have. If you can’t make changes to make her happy, then you just can’t. Just do what you can and hope for the best.

Post # 5
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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thyme142017 :  We had an adult only wedding with the exception of one breastfed baby for the ceremony. It was a good friend of mine – he was in a carrier the entire time – and she chose to take him home at his bedtime where her Mother-In-Law babysat so she could enjoy dinner, dancing etc. We now have a toddler and am attending a wedding next month that’s adult only/no kids. And you know what? I am 110% okay with this. These are dear friends of ours, we are SO happy for them. We are attending to celebrate them! If we go and there are some children there who are close to the bride and groom I would notbe upset. Because it is their day and while we adore our daughter my husband and I understand and accept their decision. You were nice enough to reach out and explain, this woman sounds like a drama queen. Just ignore and carry on!

Post # 6
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You need to tell this aunt to mind her damn business. Ask her straight forward if she wants to pay for the reception so she would get to decide and fuss on who is and isn’t invited. 

Post # 7
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee

1. Please learn how to use paragraphs. 

2. This is not a situation where the “invite certain kids but not others” was used correctly IMO. I think it’s unfair to let 7 children come but not the local ones just for the fact that they live locally. If this was a “siblings kids only invited”, or “breast fed kids only”- that’s an acceptable divide. But I really don’t think the child’s living location should be used as a cut off:/ 

 

ETA- you also need to realize that you personally chose a venue with a 75 person limit! So you really should’ve planned your must have guest list before deciding on a venue. Now you’re having to face the struggle of getting your ideal forest theme wedding instead of the people you wanted at your wedding. 

Post # 9
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

Hire a babysitter for the out of town kids. Problem solved.

Post # 10
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I can’t read this. It’s too hard to follow. But all or nothing with kids.

Post # 11
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Would your venue allow you to bring a kids picnic table?

Post # 12
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You and Fiance are allowed to invite the people you want to have at your wedding to your wedding. This includes children. You have simply invited the people you wanted to invite. nothing wrong with that.

Post # 13
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I would uninvite the aunt.

Post # 14
Member
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I have to agree that there is no way to make this okay with the people who are upset. I do find it unfair that you will have numerous children in attendance, but have omitted those who live locally. It is like you are saying, “Oh, I see you all the time anyway; I don’t need you here for this important day.” The place where one lives being the dividing line is difficult to understand, IMO.

That said, it is your wedding and your choice. But the decision to have it at a venue with limited seating was your choice. You chose to omit three family children while allowing at least seven other family children; surely you can see why some view this as arbitrary and unfair? Regardless, the decision was made. They will be upset (I would say rightfully so). That was the risk you took when you prioritized the venue over the people attending.

Post # 15
Member
528 posts
Busy bee

If the venue is paid for and all, there’s not much you can do. But I think figuring out a guest list first should have taken priority over choosing the venue. The relationships you forge are certainly more important than a one-day event.

I can totally see why the aunt was upset, and I would be too. Even though your implementation of this some-children-and-not-others policy was not completely arbitrary, it was still certainly harsh.

I agree with 

View original reply
echomomm. Basically, you’re indirectly telling kids in your new family that they couldn’t make the cutoff list just because they live nearby while 7 others are still allowed to come. Regardless of whether the other moms are okay with that, doesn’t mean that they don’t have a right to be upset. If she’s creating drama and being mean, then that’s not right also. So, you should apologize and move on.

But I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t attend your wedding. After all, she lives nearby and can visit you any other day, right?

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