Family Angry about Adult Mostly Wedding

posted 3 years ago in Reception
Post # 16
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I understand it was a tough decision for you but, it’s rude to allow some kids but not others. The out of town family could have come without their kids by hiring a babysitter back home. 

 

Post # 17
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Well, that’s quite a pickle you’ve found yourself in.  I honestly don’t think there’s anything you can say to the aunt to appease her.  Some people just want something to be upset about.  But since she is part of your family (or will be in a couple of weeks lol) you need to be very careful about how you handle this.  

If her her reason for wanting to bring her children a financial one?  Is it an option to help her with childcare costs for the night?

Would it be possible to remove all children by hiring babysitters to look after the out-of-town children during the wedding and reception?

 

Post # 18
Member
2531 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

From what you’re saying the families understand and respect your decision. Your aunt is just trying to stir things up. I would go directly to the family member who is ‘upset’ and ask them about it.

 

unless your aunt is one of the people directly affected by this then it’s nothing to do with her. 

Post # 19
Member
2432 posts
Buzzing bee

I am a teacher, mom, grandma, crazy about kids of all ages, and 150% pro child free weddings.

I think making children attend weddings is child abuse. That said, a wedding can only be “child FREE” or not “child FREE”. There is no middle ground.

Post # 20
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2015

No real advice here.  Just wanted to say I get where you are coming from with your decision.  You said you already weren’t able to invite friends that were important to you due to venue constraints.  I totally would have done the same.  Having the friends you are able to invite attend will be mean more than a few 2 year olds that aren’t going to remember this wedding and will be happier at home. Ignore the haters 😉

Post # 21
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
ann.reid.9277 :  “I think making children attend weddings is child abuse” made me laugh out loud. You must either attend terrible weddings or know only terrible children. Both?

OP, you picked a venue that doesn’t suit your guest list. Nothing you can do about it now but the lengths you went to to describe this situation on your wedding website etc. should not be used as justification when talking to hurt family members about this. 

Post # 22
Member
4895 posts
Honey bee

Every wedding I’ve been to with kids has been pretty awesome.  The kids are a hoot out on the dance floor.  But then again, I’m pretty much only friends with considerate people who are good parents and recognize when a kid is overwhelmed or should no longer be in a situation.  Ditto for my family.  Kids can be awesome.

That’s neither here nor there though.

It isn’t all or nothing – you are allowed to invite some children and not others (just not if they are the same family – you can’t invite Susie but exclude her little brother Johnny – that is where it is all or nothing).  However, you also have to understand that if you don’t have a concrete line in the sand it makes it really hard to justify (and even then they might still be upset).  Concrete lines would be things like “Only children of siblings” or “Only children in the wedding party” but when it’s some cousins but not all the cousins then you’re treading into hurt feeling territory.  You can do it – no one is obligated an invitation to the wedding.  But then you have to deal with the consequences of your choice to pick a very small venue that required you to play the pick and choose game and those consequences include dealing with their griping about it and the possibility that they may choose to not come. 

So, drink some wine, tell them you are sorry that you aren’t able to include everyone you wanted to, and know that eventually it will be over.  Since your wedding isn’t until October, you can see if you have some declines and let them know there is space to bring the children if it continues to be a dealbreaker.  They may still be sore about their kids essentially already being rejected and now b-listed, but there’s not a whole lot you can do at this point.

Post # 23
Member
458 posts
Helper bee

The issue I see is you’re dictating who needs to find childcare based on you assessing their life and logistical issues, and deciding what deems some parents deserving of having their child accommodated and others not deserving of having their child accommodated. I know distance might seem like a logical cut-off, but local people may have their own reasons as to why it’s difficult to leave their child but they’re not being afforded the same courtesy and consideration as the out of towners because you’ve decided that travel distance is the only or most important factor that needs to be considered which isn’t really your place to judge.

If you have a clear cut-off like “only children of siblings” or “only children in the wedding party”, people might be disappointed and they may not be able to come or choose not to come, but at least it’s a clear set of criteria as to why their kids aren’t invited, because you had to make a cut-off somewhere. Not because you’ve assessed their childcare situation and decided their childcare situation doesn’t need to be accommodated but somebody else’s does.

I understand you now can’t uninvite the children of the out of towners, or invite the local children, but maybe you could say to the Aunt that you’re sorry you didn’t realise it would cause problems for her, unfortunately it’s too late to change the invite but you understand if she isn’t able to come.

Post # 26
Member
1751 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
thyme142017 :  At the end of the day, it’s your wedding and it is out of line for anybody to try to go against “the program.” With that being said, I can understand guests being upset and confused that their child couldn’t attend when other children can. It’s a mixed message for sure. But, still 100% your decision.

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