Family angry about no children at reception

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

ha!  That’s right, you are no longer welcome.  HA! 

Post # 4
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

@DiyBlondie: don’t worry about it. Honestly, people like that aren’t worth having as your guests anyway. I find it humorous that people can’t bear a night away from thei children so they can have a nice adult evening with their spouse.

Post # 5
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Honestly, I think that children should definitely be invited, only because if I was

invited somewhere when my kids were younger, I had to take them.  Especially if

this is family.  My opinion only.  Kids are what makes life worth living.  I would be

offended also, but like I said My Opinion Only. 

 

Everyone on this earth is different and will have different opinions.  If you put it out there that this is how many seats that are reserved, well then the ones that will give an attitude will just have to deal I guess.  Don’t let it stress you out.  It is your day, and you want it the way you want it.  But you have to put yourself in “their” shoes also to understand where they are coming from. 

Post # 6
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Unfortuntately, a lot of bees experience backlash about this topic. Stick to your guns, and if they don’t want to come, then that’s their choice

Post # 7
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh that sucks!  This does seem to be a controversial issue for sure.  I have struggled with this too-especially not having the Flower Girl and Ring Bearer invited to the reception.  Perhaps if you choose to talk about this with those irritated guests, you could mention your reasoning behind not having kids at the reception.  Our reasons include that there will be drinking at the reception and that we don’t feel it is an appropriate environment for kids and also that we have a really tight budget and can’t afford to invite all the little ones.

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

We didn’t invite children to our wedding and DH’s sister refused to come and we even offered to provide childcare for them.

Some people are just like that and they simply forget that even though they got invited, the day is NOT about them.

Stick to your guns and if you need to, write a script for when/if you have to make phones calls.

Sorry that the invitation wasn’t clear, but we are unable to accomodate the kiddos.. We hope that you can still come and celebrate the day with us….. (yes) Great we looking forward to seeing you and SO’s name there… (no) Aww, I’m sorry, well you will definitely be missed.

If you’re still worried that some may not comply, you could always see about getting an extra room and setting up childcare so that the kiddos could be there. We had planned this and were gonna have someone make a McDonald’s run if neccessary… nothing to freak out about but a just incase… I know for me, there was NO way that I was okay have kids at the ceremony and we just didn’t have table room at the reception so I was happy with this back up plan.

Goodluck and don’t let the crazies get to ya 😉

Post # 9
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow if these people dont care enough about you to spend a single night away from their precious snowflakes (hire a sitter! its not that hard!) in honor of your wedding than dont be sorry you wont have them there. You should only want people who really care about you and are there for you to be present at your wedding. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a nice adult-only celebration. A wedding/reception is not any small childs idea of a good time anyway. In fact my aunt and uncle begged me to make my event child free so they wouldnt get stuck babysitting their grandkids again instead of enjoying the party. I did, and everyone had a great time. I understand people love their kids but I can only shake my head at parents who cant spend a single evening away from them for something as important as a wedding.

Post # 10
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

people that give you grief about not inviting their children are rude – if you have child minding issues then decline with good grace and shut the f*** up about it i say

Post # 11
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

@Annabelle86: I don’t have children so I suppose I am bias, but wouldn’t spending every waking moment with your kids be unhealthy? I would think that having a babysitter allows social and growing opportunities for both parent and child would be refreshing for both.

Post # 12
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@eloping: I agree. I don’t have kids but if I did and I really couldn’t be separated from them I would just decline, not leave a stupid little jab to make the couple feel bad.

Post # 13
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I put on my invitations “Adults Only.”  Yes, children are important, but really? One grown-up night away from them is too much to ask? WTH? What kind of role model are those parents when they have no lives apart from their children?  Seriously? My friends are stoked to have a night out with each other to celebrate with me. 

Post # 14
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Mrs.ChubbyBunny:

You are 100% correct. Ive worked as a teacher for 3 years and I always know the kids that have been tied to mommys apron strings from day one. They cried about every single change, from switching crayon colors to putting materials for one subject away and getting out another, they are developmentally stunted in that they could not do anything for themselves that other kids in the class could do, they had trouble socializing and needed far more help and personal attention than any other kids. These kids were usually, if not always, the children of the classroom mothers and the mothers who would come in at lunch to feed their children and wipe their hands etc. They also always had the most difficulty being away from their mothers during the day and it caused a lot of temper tantrums and emotional distress. I get frustrated with mothers who have to hold their kids hands 24/7, its not good for them!

Post # 15
Member
5179 posts
Bee Keeper

@Carolyn72: I have to agree here… children are the most fun and entertaining at weddings to me!

 

As for the people not being able to spend one night apart from their kids.. I am quite sure that is not where this backlash is coming from. I love spending time alone with Fiance. HOWEVER, (especially related to family but not confined to them) to be told that you are welcome but your child is not is similar to how you would feel if you were invited to a wedding but your husband was not. You are family, my children are my family. I would not attend a wedding where my children were not invited unless I was IN the wedding. The same goes for Fiance. I still find it strange how brides don’t expect people to react this way. NO, it is not about the guest.. but brides do put a lot into making their guests comfortable don’t they? As a good host they absolutely should! Weddings are not ABOUT anyone, it is a celebration of love and commitment. That being said, those responses carry a lot of merit seeing that you invited them but they don’t feel welcomed. 

Post # 16
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Carolyn72:Kids are what makes life worth living

Maybe to some, but not everyone.  Not everything that you do in  a day is child friendly, so it shouldn’t surprise people that not every single event is child friendly either. Brides shouldn’t be made to feel bad because they don’t want kids there, and parents shouldn’t take offense to it. You have no idea what their reasons are, and its their wedding, they can invite who they want.

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