(Closed) Family angry about no children at reception

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 137
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

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@MrsSl82be: No, of course not all people feel that way. No opinion is universal. But some do, and I get it, it makes sense to me.

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@heather25: No, unless the college friend’s best friend is there and really misses them, probably no-one would mine too much. The difference is that parents will take it personally as a reflection on them. Their child is just that after all – their child, a part of them. So people will take it personally that you don’t think their child is special or important.

Post # 138
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

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@heather25: Haha, congrats to you too! I’m sure there’s better things to be winning at than writing on a forum, though…..

Post # 139
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

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@VickyAurea: I am still unsure about this.  I’ve gotta mill it over.  My initial reaction is this though:  A parent thinks their child is special, but they probably don’t automatically think that other’s children are special to them or as special.  Why wouldn’t it occur to them that other people don’t think that the parent’s child is special and should be invited to a wedding.

Post # 140
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

A party is being thrown. Sometimes parties are for adults. Sometimes they are for the Whole Family event. Being offended that a party is one or the other is absolutely ridiculous.  If she received an invitation to attend a Black Tie Gala following an opera opening with the President and First Lady, would she respond, “If my kids aren’t welcome, then neither am I?”

The recipient just lacked the life experience to know that some weddings are thrown as adult affairs. Their world-view allows them only to see weddings as family reunions (to borrow from a previous poster), which is too narrow a definition.  This goes into the category of accepting those things that you cannot change. Also, just to reassure you from personal experience: the families that come despite their annoyance that their 5-year-old can’t be there will be the folks who tell you, at the end, that they had the best damn time of their lives. In my case, it was largely because the most annoyed parents were likely to be the parents who most forgot that they were living, breathing individuals allowed to have some fun away from their kids. Also, for a family that never has adult-only affairs (there are around 30 grandkids and great-grandkids), it was pretty dang neat to see every generation of adult getting together and being able to mingle in ways they have never done in decades.

 

Post # 141
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

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@heather25: Perhaps it is more of the opposite – not “not being special” but being “so awful they’re banned”. If you thought people were offended by your child’s presence and prefered them to not be there than to be there, that would make some people feel personally offended.

Post # 142
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

Combined with convenience issues. In light of it being a clear inconvenience for you to have to leave your child(ren), the hosts still feel that your child is banned. So your child must be awful, right? Or just really not liked by the hosts. Or liked, but not enough. It just makes sense for people to be offended by this.

Post # 143
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

@VickyAurea:  What do you mean!  There is no greater accomplishment in life than the leader board!

Also, I guess I don’t think as children being banned.  I just think of them as not being invited.

Post # 144
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

Ooooh also, I think it may be slightly more understandable to guests for evening receptions. US weddings seem to start at all different times and just be a few hours long (maybe not all), whereas a typical wedding here would be, say, 1pm-1am.

Post # 145
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@mrsjjohnson2b:

🙂

Post # 146
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

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@VickyAurea: I want my wedding to be that long!!!!

Post # 147
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

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@heather25: But you get a rehearsal dinner, right? So you get two parties!

Post # 148
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My opinion is that if it is your family, then an exception should be made.  I absolutely think that you should include your favorite nieces and nephews in the celebration.  It is a once and a lifetime event, and putting myself in the shoes of those kids, I would say I would be pretty sadden to not be invited. Yes, it may be an “adult” event..but at a young age, who doesn’t want to get dressed up and play pretend once and a while!  If they’re toddlers and don’t know anyways, then maybe you can talk to your guests and let them know that they would enjoy it more without the kids and offer to find them a baby sitter.  It really comes down to your decisions, but we invited our family with their children (infants and all). With all the excitement, I doubt I will even notice them at all. I can not imagine our wedding day without our nieces and nephews being a part of it, however bratty they are..because they are family.  Friend’s kids are different, the ones we see to on a regular basis we included because they are important to us..if we don’t know them well enough, we don’t mention them in the invite.

Post # 149
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

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@Verno Inferno: Re. parties, I have 2 best friends. One had a 21st party the other week, the other couldn’t come because her child wasn’t invited, which present childcare issues. It also presented travel issues as she would have got a lift to the party with her own mother but since her mother has kids too, she also couldn’t attend, leaving my friend no form of transport either and no money for public transport. People are sometimes too quick to assume that all of those issues can be easily resolved by everyone. Of course this party also had other kids invited to it, which causes added drama of choosing one kid and not another. This wasn’t a wedding, though, I am just making a point that sometimes adults only party can be controversial too.

Post # 150
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I just wanted to point out that in New York children are in fact allowed in bars (not necessarily just pubs) as long as they are with an adult, and honestly I don’t care as long as they are well behaved.

On the wedding no kids at wedding topic, I think it is rude and dreadful for people to respond with a snarky comment to an invitation because their child wasn’t invited. It is okay to leave kids at home for an evening. Surely everyone can do with a breather every now and again.

On the other hand, I love kids at weddings and yes, I invited children to my very adult, very fancy formal wedding. My 7 year old niece was the life of the party and people are still talking about her teaching my Mother-In-Law how to dougie till this day. I think it is very unfair to paint children as party-ruining monsters, plenty of grown ups do that too. All teh kids I’ve seen at weddings I’ve been to have eaten their kids (way cheaper) meal and rocked the dance floor like nobody’s business.

Post # 151
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My coworker has 3 kids.  I baby sat for her one day and the oldest which is 5 made the 4yr and 1yr old get in my ottomon and closed them in and sat on it so they couldn’t get out, then she put on my skates on got on my couch and jumped off…Do I love her kids? Yes, I do.  If she needs me to baby sit again would I do it? Yes, I will.  Will the little MONSTERS be invited to my wedding? NO THEY WON’T.  And I already told her don’t bring those little MONSTERS anywhere near my wedding and she said she wasn’t going to bring them any way.  She knows her kids are bad. Some people have bad ass kids and the parents think its cute.

My wedding will start at 4 and the bar will be open from about 3:30 and stay open til midnight.  Open bar all you can drink…the 5 kids that will be in the wedding will be leaving when Grandma leaves… I can see me smacking someones kid for knocking down the candy on my candy bar or sticking their finger in my cake.

LOVE LOVE LOVE KIDS BUT THEY WON’T BE AT MY WEDDING

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