(Closed) Family angry about no children at reception

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 167
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

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@MrsNeutrino: I can understand your side because of your culture. I have a lot of EI friends and they are very family-orientated as well.

 

Post # 169
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

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@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: :). I just feel that weddings are family oriented events. The true joining of two families by choice and children are family too. Yes, there is a celebration.. but that is not the most important thing. Maybe priorities are just all mixed up. We just all need to agree to disagreeon this one because I will never feel that it is ok to not have my child welcomed at a family centered event and the opposition will always think that it is ok. 

Post # 170
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

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@MrsNeutrino: Yay to Neutrino being back. This has been a fun and enlightening discussion. Again, I have to peace out, but I will be back!

Post # 171
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Some reasons we will not be having children at our ceremony and reception is because in Utah, we have a not a drop law, that means you cannot even have a sip of wine with your dinner if you will be driving children in your vehicle. So, yeah NO KIDS being a criminal justice major and soon to be police officer, I will not allow anyone of my friends or family drink if they are going to drive with their children. Another reason is that we don’t want to have children of our own, and while in most scenarios, a wedding is a family affair, not to us, yes two families are coming together as one, but we are celebrating with our friends and family, and most of our guests were ok with us having an adult only celebration, while there are a few people who find it puzzling, they know me and know I don’t enjoy spending time with children, so why would I want them at my wedding?

I can see why some would be offended because they love their children, but it is their choice to attend or not. But based on the OPs topic, people writing things on an RSVP that is rude and snarky is just not necassary, a simple NO will suffice, especially since most brides don’t include a section on the RSVP for “random rude comments to the newlyweds”…

Post # 172
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Quite frankly, I don’t want to pay $100 for a child to pick over the filet mignon. Hell, I don’t want to pay $50 for CHICKEN TENDERS AND FRIES that could have cost $4 in a freaking HAPPY MEAL.

I don’t see what the big deal is. Would you bring your child to your sorority formal? Your office Christmas party? Yes, I understand the family aspect, but an adult event is an adult event according to how the host or hostess is defining. Respect their wishes and leave the kids at home or don’t come. It’s that simple. If you feel turned off, sorry, but there’s no need for a snarky note. I can say the same about recent drama on the ‘bee. No need to leave you huffy, “I’m outta here” post. Just keep it moving…

Post # 173
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@RayRayFurious: I was going to say this exactly. Thank you!

Anyway. I’m hosting my wedding in New Orleans… on a Friday night… one block from Bourbon Street. If you as a parent (and I’m using a general “you”) feel like that’s a good environment for your kids, then be my guest.

I’ve had people ask why I wasn’t hosting it during the day or in a different locale so the kids could come. Why? Why?! Because I feel like it. That’s why. Shell out $10000 for your party and then you can invite whomever you please.

Maybe I sound like a brat with these previous comments. But I’m offering my guests a fun night out, great music, a beautiful four-course meal, plenty of drinks, a shuttle to and from… If they throw a hissy fit over having to leave their precious little kiddies at home, then they are the ones being brats. Enough said.

Post # 174
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@eloping:

there is absolutely nothing wrong with having an adult only function. 

children are not required to be thrust upon all at every single occasion – they are the love of YOUR life but not everyone else.

 I agree with you totally.  Does this mean if a woman is invited to a bachelorette party or a man to a bachelor party that the kids should be able to go along too?  This is a perfect example of having an adult only function.  So why is a wedding, an event that some couples/families put 10’s of thousands of dollars into and should be able to run any way they see fit, any different?  

I love kids, I do, but there is a time and a place for kid-friendly events.  

This might be a little of topic, but here’s my thoughts on a related topic:  It sems to me that when I was little everything was about “the adults.”  We weren’t allowed to play certain games when certain adults were around because they were too noisey.  We weren’t catered to. We were at the mercy (so to speak) of what the adults wanted to do.   Now that I am an adult it seems to be the total opposite.  I feel like when I’m with people with kids its “all about the kids.”  We have to do whatever the kids want to do.  Johnny wants to run around screaming at a restaurant, well thats ok, he’s just expressing himself.  All the adults want to do one activity, but little Suzie doesn’t want to, so everyone goes does what she wants to. Anyone else experience this?  Is it a generational thing? or Just the way I’m perceiving things?  It sort of ties into this whole no-kid weddings in that it’s that “all about the kids” midset.  

 

 

Post # 175
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

oh, and one more thought.  Kids are invited to parties all the time that parents are not.  Birthday parties, slumber parties, etc.  I’m pretty sure that my parents just dropped me off and didn’t walk in and grab a slice of pizza or bring their sleeping bag with them because “hey, my kid is inviited, so i should be too, we are a FAMILY”

Post # 176
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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@mrsjjohnson2b: Do I love her kids? Yes, I do.  If she needs me to baby sit again would I do it? Yes, I will.  Will the little MONSTERS be invited to my wedding? NO THEY WON’T.

Thanks for that. It made me laugh so much!

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@mrsjjohnson2b:. Some people have bad ass kids and the parents think its cute.

THIS. Everyone wants to think their kid is so precious and well behaved. When the reality is that many kids much like their parents are ill mannered.

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@SoupyCat: If you are offended that your little darlings aren’t invited, or can’t afford a babysitter to leave them, don’t go. But it’s not a guest’s place to tell the host how to throw their party.

So simple of concept but its sadly too much of cross for some parents to bare.

Post # 177
Member
4012 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@Lee_Ann: This! This is how I grew up! We definately were NOT catered to and I wasnt allowed to go to weddings, as they were adult functions that I  A: Didnt even know or understand the meaning of and  B: would be bored out of my MIND at!

I don’t see an end in sight for this thread! LOL Its interesting to see the difference in opinion. I would LOVE an adult only reception, but I’m not sure how that will boil over with SO’s family. We will have to see.

Post # 178
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

I have rewritten my response several times.

Look at it this way, one less thank you note to write after the wedding!

You cannot let these things bother you. You cannot please everyone. There will always be someone who will be upset about something about your wedding. 

You didn’t invite children, and some people are offended, others are probably thrilled. You could elect not to serve steak, and some people will be upset because they like their meat, others will be thrilled for an opportunity to try something different. 

Weddings are expensive. They take a lot of time and energy to plan… You cannot plan your wedding with the expectation of not offending anyone, because it isn’t going to happen. You can’t make everyone happy, and you’ll drive yourself crazy if you try. 

Post # 179
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

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@Loribeth: Very well said.

Post # 181
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@DiyBlondie: Yay! for Dads! Aren’t they the Greatest?

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