(Closed) Family Comments making me angry

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7946 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

tell them you hope they will be able  join you to celebrate your special day with you and your future husband.


Post # 4
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@msbriezyb:  We endured a few negative comments about not having our wedding in my (expensive) home city (which would be twice as far for FH’s family to travel). The negativity died fairly quickly though and the closer we got to the wedding, the more our guests got REALLY excited to travel. We were pleasantly surprised by the turnout (which included people who originally griped about us having it where we live) and everyone ended up having a wonderful time. 

You can choose to ignore their negativity or just counter it with enthusiasm for what you have planned, while acknowledging the effort it will take to get them there, “We know it’s a big deal to travel, but we’re so excited for everyone to see x,y, and z. It’s going to be AMAZING and we really want you there!”

Post # 5
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

I’d keep it simple…we are starting our lives together and what a better place to celebrate that than where we call home.  You are welcome to join us, but understand if you are not able to make the trip.

Post # 6
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Try to ignore it!
Say that you hope they’ll be able to make it and you’re looking forward to their company on your wedding day.

Secretly party because you’re saving so much money on a REALLY expensive day.

There will always be nay-sayers during the wedding planning process, it’s just part of the game to learn how to ignore them!

Good luck!

Post # 7
2461 posts
Buzzing bee

@ajillity81:  +1


I agree with PP. Don’t say this to them but my opinion is that if they are not paying for it, they have no say in where it is and what it looks like, as well as who is invited. No pay, no say! 🙂 And I understand your grandmother’s worrying though because (I don’t know the situation so this may not be the case), she might have a hard time getting down there or maybe it will be hard to afford it, etc. BUT they shouldn’t keep making comments on it – you’ve started paying for things and they’re not helping…so it can be wherever you want it to be 🙂

ETA: It was commented on a little bit in the beginning by a few friends and family members on FI’s side (especially his grandma) because it is quite a drive for her. BUT it is the cheapest around and as far as I know his family is not paying for anything so…yeah. Most of my family comes from 2-10 hours away if they would be coming from where I live, so it is about 30-45 minutes closer. And in a more laid back place, with a shuttle bus that runs from the venue to the hotels in the bigger town, etc.

Post # 8
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Tell them if they want it to be in MD they can pay for it, otherwise it’s gonna be in FL! Tongue Out

Post # 9
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

Eh, just brush it off.  Every couple I know has been though this debate with family at some point.  My FI’s family legitimately asked whether we’d consider having the wedding in their town…which is located in the middle of nowhere, is 6 hours away from us, has no wedding vendor options, and only his parents and older brother live there (our extended family lives all over the US).  Yeah…not going to happen.  We thanked them politely and went on with our own plans.  Just change the subject and focus on how awesome your wedding is going to be.  

Post # 10
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

It’s amazing how much more guests think their opinion counts than that of the bride and groom, isn’t it? I understand the inconvenience of travel for guests, but I still feel it’s nothing compared to the inconvenience of planning your own wedding out of state – especially across as great a distance as you are talking about.

I agree with PPs who say to keep it simple. “This is where our wedding is; I sincerely hope you’ll be able to make it.”

If it’s a problem for many of your guests, you could always plan a smaller celebration back in your hometown for a few months down the road. You certainly aren’t obligated to do so, though.

Post # 11
460 posts
Helper bee

@msbriezyb:  I can understand your frustration. but it’s your money your choice. Like pp said: the two of you start your lives together in FL so it will happen there. 

Post # 12
3949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I kind of can see where they are coming from.  It goes from a commitment of a few hours on a weekend to a big trip, and have to make arrangements.  


I did the same thing you did tho, moved from Baltimore to Florida, but the majority of my cousins/aunts/uncles and in-laws live mid state.  It was my dad, three brothers and their families that had to travel.   For older people, the wedding was normally held where the bride grew up, but normally the bride didn’t move too far from her family, so it made sense.  People are going to complain, and hopefully this is the only thing they have to complain about.  Also I got married in March so my relatives from NY & Baltimore were happy to be at the beach the day after my wedding 😀 

Post # 13
1320 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ignore the negativity and focus on the positive. Sorry to hear your family isn’t being more sensitive!

Post # 14
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi @msbriezyb:  “Traditionally” Weddings were held in the Hometown of the Bride… for convenience in a time when the Bride’s Family / Parents were the Hosts.

This is no longer the case in a great many marriages… in so much as the Bride & Groom are the Hosts for their own Wedding.

If this issue should come up again, I’d just say “We are having it in Florida because it is where the Groom & I live… it is far more convenient / easier logistically for us to do the Wedding Planning here than 6 States away, and over 12 Hours = 900 Miles away from where we are

Hope this helps,


Post # 16
413 posts
Helper bee

@msbriezyb:  Fake like you are totally on their side but then repeat that it will be in FL. Say something like: I know, I wanted it to be in MD too. We kept looking and everything was booked or so expensive. We just couldn;’t do it. So FL it is. So did you hear about such and such (insert news gossip etc about something else). Change the subject quick. People are going to complain- that is just what they do. If they realize you are just not listenign, they will stop complaining to you- they will just complain amongst themselves which is just as well. MD is so expansive and so is DC, and they really should know better.

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