(Closed) Family complaining of thank-you-card ettiquitte!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

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@lolot:  Um, yes, I had all of my thank you notes out for both of my weddings ASAP.  With the second wedding I had a full time job and a toddler.  Still got them out within a month.  If you CHOOSE to make it a priority it can be done.  Do a certain number every day instead of thinking you have to do them all at once.  Worked well for me both times.

Post # 18
Member
9123 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

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@hermom:  
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@MrsBeck:  obviously some people can and have done that, and that’s great. Good for you! (Which is why I posed the question of “all commenters” instead “any commenter” – small but significant difference.)

It’s certainly doable, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to have under one month as a hard and fast expectation.

Post # 19
Member
3751 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Emily Post says:

Contrary to popular myth, the happy couple does not have a year’s grace period.  All thank you notes should be written within three months of the receipt of the gift. Ideally, a response should be written on the day you receive a wedding gift. If that’s not possible, set a daily goal. It’s a lot easier to write three or four notes a day than to have to write a hundred notes in a month after the wedding!

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/167-wedding-thank-yous

 

Post # 20
Member
3400 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Personally I think it’s a lot more rude for somebody to make a comment about not receiving a thank-you card than it is for somebody to get them out a little late.

Do people gift give only for the thank-you card?

I sent mine out 3 months after my wedding. I definitely felt bad about it, but it was better late than never.

Post # 22
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@alicroo86:  I wouldn’t get upset about it. Some people just like to complain. I think though, folks get lost in finding the “perfect” thank you cards, and writing just the right note inside. I don’t think you should pressure yourself that much. I got my thank you cards out in two weeks. They were simple, classic and cheap cards from Michaels. I thanked them for coming and for their gift (if they gave one–be sure to give a thank you to all your guests, even if they didn’t bring a gift). Mention how much it meant to you to have them there, etc. 🙂 Good luck!

Post # 23
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@alicroo86:  Ugh. That totally sucks about the Facebook post, which I think is not so great. I would personally not react to it at all or address it in your thank you cards. Just get them out as quickly as possible so theycanstop complaining (start with your relatives, then move on to your friends and get your relatives out ASAP). After two months I would never assume that I wasn’t receiving a thank you. I do think that when it gets to five or six months that it is really a long time. I haveyet to receive a thank you from a wedding I attended back in July. What really sucks is that there is one wedding I went to and gave a gift (it wasn’t much but we honestly didn’t have a lot of money and had to travel) and we never received a thank you – that was about three years ago. My parents received a thank you though! I am not exactly happy about it but whatever.

Post # 24
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

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@alicroo86:  Reading is fundamental. I did ask when you received the gifts. A simple “the night of the wedding” would have sufficed, but I see why your family had to check you.

Post # 25
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I used a teaser the photographer sent me and had thank you’s in my hand in 2weeks. Had them made from shutterfly. Thank you’s were out in a less than a month, but I only needed 35 so it was easy. I felt a bit uneasy waiting too long so I made it a huge priority. ALmost all of our guests gave cash and we’re very generous and I wanted to say thank you ASAP!!

Them going on Facebook and making a comment is messed up. But, and I realize this now with weddings, people get really offended when they don’t get a thank you card. I’m still waiting on a thank you from an April wedding and Ill be honest I’ve side eyed plenty when I think about it.

Post # 26
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@jny1179:  +1

I use the 3 month rule personally. I am getting the rest of my Thank You notes out this weekend, but I wish I got them out sooner. I did send them to all the older folks who pay attention to etiquette Thanksgiving weekend though to cover my ass. 

Post # 27
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@alicroo86:  I don’t think two months is too long. If you had a big wedding especially. I can maybe understand your family whispering about ettiquite behind your back (as silly as that sounds), but to put it on FB like that is really childish. I would send out as many as you can ASAP and maybe a note about “thank you for your patience!”.

I think a few people on here are being too hard on you. Even if you never sent out thank you notes, you shouldn’t be singled out on a public forum like that

Post # 28
Member
1647 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Honestly, I doubt there is any hard and fast rule. For me, it’s a month, but I wouldn’t be upset even if I received one 6 months later or not at all. It also depends on how many people you have at the event. 

Post # 29
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@alicroo86:  I spoke with my Mother-In-Law and her friends about this at my shower.  Since so many couples have stopped sending thank you notes, if they don’t receive them within 3-4 weeks after the wedding, they assume they aren’t going to receive them.  We didn’t have a honeymoon so we sent ours out 2 weeks after the wedding.

Post # 30
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@alicroo86:  There are many ladies on here who jump on any opportunity to make people feel bad for whatever reason, just ignore them.  

Send cards out to the complainers ASAP and start working on the rest of your cards.  I got mine out about 2-3 months after the wedding, nobody complained, I doubt the majority of your guests think you’ve given up on thanking them. 

Post # 31
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think immediately mentioned by a PP probably meant after the honeymoon is over. In general, if I do not receive a thank you note after a month, I assume I am not getting one. Ignore the FB comments and get those thank you notes sent out.

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