(Closed) Family complaining of thank-you-card ettiquitte!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@alicroo86:  I’d write the thank you notes And apologize for not getting them out sooner.

Sorry, but no, you don’t have a year to get out thank you’s. People tok their time to celebrate your wedding with you and spent time and money to buy you a thoughtful and present, the least you can do in return in express your gratitude in a timely manner.

 

Post # 48
Member
3238 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@Rubbs: Yes, you thank them for coming to the reception but if they gifted you something you need to specifically thank them for that as well and assuming you received the gift on your wedding day, you wouldn’t have opened it to thank them for it at the reception. Plus, thank yous should be written. Did you not write thank you notes for birthday or Christmas presents growing up either? Because most people regard that as really rude. 

Post # 49
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@carolinabelle:  I really don’t care what people consider rude. I think some people are ridiculous about getting their thank you. 

When I get a present from someone, I call them and thank them and have a conversation with them. That’s how I was brought up. 

We’re talking about wedding thank yous here. It’s only obvious you’re going to get one, but to sit and dwell about it is just ridiculous, IN MY OPINION. 

Post # 50
Member
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I had mine out in two weeks i think under a month is appropriate. 

Post # 51
Member
3238 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@Rubbs:  Well, unfortunately when you ask people to spend their money, vacation days and time to celebrate you then it ceases to be all about what YOU care about and inclusive of what your guests care about as well. If you don’t care about being polite and appreciative of gifts that’s fine, but you really shouldn’t fault people who do care. 

Post # 52
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@carolinabelle:  Oh yes, cuz I took everyone’s hand and checked off the Will Attend slot. Get real. 

Post # 53
Member
3238 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@Rubbs: If you didn’t have to force your guests to attend and they came, celebrated with you, and gifted you something of their own accord because they care about you then it should be even MORE imperative that you thank them correctly. I can’t BELIEVE that someone would argue against the value of thank you cards. If you don’t want to send them then so be it, but to try to justify that level of rudeness is laughable. 

Post # 54
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@carolinabelle:  How on earth could you possibly not feel that your gift was appreciated?! So a time limit answers that?! So what you are saying is that if someone doesn’t send out their thank yous within a month or so, that they are less appreciative of your gift?! 

Post # 55
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@soontobeMrsBoo:  I don’t get WHY guests have a YEAR to send a gift, but brides (and grooms) dont have longer than 2 months to send out thank yous. It’s so ridiculous. Or why a person who sends no gift gets a thank you either. Sorry, but the reception was a thank you enough. It’s sometimes really irritating the thoughts on here about guests vs brides. 

Post # 56
Member
3238 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@Rubbs: The way you wrote your first comment in this thread made it sound, to me, as if you didn’t think thank you cards were necessary at all. My comments to you didn’t mention a timeline because I was more or less talking about the necessity of thank yous period. Sorry if I misinterpreted what you were saying at first, but that said, I do think its common to think the bride and groom (or whoever) didn’t appreciate your gift if they don’t thank you for it. Usually when you appreciate a gift you let the giver know that and the commonly accepted way to do that is through a thank you note. I didn’t invent the rules of etiquette, but I certainly see the merit of them. 

Post # 57
Member
1915 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@alicroo86:  I wrote thank you notes for gifts as they arrived.  I completed all of my thank you notes by the time I left for my wedding and it took me another three weeks after my wedding to complete them.  I didn’t even cash any of the checks until they were done.

If I don’t get a thank you note from people, I assume that they did not appreciate or were grateful for my gift, so I don’t give additional gifts no matter the circumstances.

Post # 58
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it’s rude they are complaining about not receiving a Thank You card. Unfortunately, not everyone was raised to send thank yous for gifts (which I find odd). According to Emily Post the etiquette on this is that they should be sent out within 3 months of the wedding.

I think to keep the peace, you just should send out the ones for those who are complaining this week. Then press on and get the rest done. We’re finally almost done with ours (Im the only one working on them, ha). 

Post # 59
Member
3238 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@FoxyBride14: It’s actually pretty common etiquette that guests who don’t give a gift don’t get a thank you note. Some people are misinformed about that, obviously, but yes the reception is a thank you for the attendees and the card is a thank you for the gifters. Sending a thank you note to guests who didn’t give a gift can be seen as gift grabby – like your soliciting a gift by reminding them that they didn’t give one. 

As to why guests have up to a year to give gifts and brides and grooms have just a few months to thank them? That seems pretty obvious to me – a gift is not required but a thank you for a gift is. Also, I have yet to meet someone who doesn’t appreciate a gift no matter WHEN it arrives. 

Post # 60
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I honestly thought within three months was proper … That being said, I don’t think I’ve ever received a thank you card within that time frame. On one hand, it’s kinda annoying, on the other hand, I don’t think about it too much.

Post # 61
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@carolinabelle:  Oh I certainly feel they’re necessary, but to lose sleep over them..no. 

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