(Closed) Family complaining of thank-you-card ettiquitte!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
8683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@Rubbs: Yikes! I was thinking the same thing. I’m obviously in the minority but I NEVER care when (or IF) I receive a thank-you card! Seriously, there are way more important things in my life to worry about. 

ETA: I’m not saying I dont send thank-you cards OR that I would take a long time like OP but I would never think about if I did or did not receive one. 

Post # 63
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@gelaine22:  I was beginning to think I’m the only person here, or on this planet for that matter, that thinks this topic is ridiculous to lose sleep over. Thanks; I’m glad I’m not alone.

Post # 64
Member
8683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@Rubbs:  Nope, you arent alone.

Post # 65
Member
11266 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@jny1179:  +1

 

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@alicroo86:  i would also suggest that your dh write the thank yous for his family and friends.  the task will be accomplished in half the time.

 

i send my thank yous out within 5 days of my wedding.  i started writing 2 days later and finished them up.

just as you scheduled time to plan your wedding; dress shopping, venue searching, diy projects, etc, you need to schedule the time to do your thank you cards.  once you get started, it’s very easy.  don’t look at it as one big task, just do 15 a day or something but make sure you stick to your schedule.

Post # 66
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@alishaloo:  how many guests did you have at your wedding?

Post # 67
Member
2836 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@Sparkidoodle:  I don’t think that’s a fair assumption.

We were married Nov 16th.  We wanted to use a photo on our Thank You cards.  So we had to wait to get proper photos from the photographer, order custom made cards.

They just arrived the Saturday before Christmas.  I just sent the first small batch out on Monday, and people recieved them Tuesday.

While I do believe a timely Thank You is important (and I am very good about sending Thank Yous- after you’ve known me for awhile, you know you’ll get one from me just about anytime you give me something- and if you don’t get one, it’s a serious oversight/mistake on my part or it got lost in the mail)– but there are A TON of reason’s why 6-8 weeks might not be enough time.

If you go on a honeymoon- say 2 weeks long, after the wedding, there’s 2 weeks.  Then you need time to get back and settle in- not only are you returning from a 2 week vaca, but you’re coming down off of a wedding and are a newlywed.  There’s 3 weeks.  Depending how many you have to write- each one hand written, it might take you a couple weeks.

 

I already have a five year old, too- so he takes up our time as well.  At least when people recieve ours, they will see they are custom made!

 

 

Post # 68
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I just received a thank you note for a wedding Fiance and I attended in early August and I didn’t bat an eyelash. Some people just go looking for things to get offended about. Two months really is nothing. Kudos to people who are able to churn them out right away but that is not the case for everyone and I think what your relatives did on Facebook was way more rude than taking a few months to get your thank you notes out. 

Post # 69
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

 I was raised that the written word, and a heartfelt thought about the time and effort people put in gifting me something was another option.  Other people made time for me, so why wouldn’t I make the time to write out a few lines. 

I bet you got your registery done in a timely manner so they could get you the gifts?  Would you all have cared if you hadn’t received a gift within 3 or 4 months of your wedding from people that attended? 

My one SIL and Brother drove through Canada for part of their two week honeymoon, and she actually did all thank you notes while he drove. They had over 300 people at their wedding. 

 

Post # 70
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee

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@FoxyBride14:  But most people who gave a gift were prompt, and either sent it before the wedding or brought it to the wedding.  They didn’t wait a year.  So if they’re prompt about gift giving, why is it acceptable to lag at a thank you? 

Post # 71
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would never complain but I also think 2 months is kind of long. We got ours out within a week of the wedding. If you had 300 cards to send you and DH could do 10 a day and get them out in a little over 2 weeks. 

Post # 72
Member
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I only did thank youa for those who gifted or Helped in someway. Im

unsure of numbers to be honest but we had thank yous out with in two weeks. 

Post # 73
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My personal opinion is that if youre not too busy to USE their gift, you certainly shouldn’t be too busy to thank them for it, I.e. You had plenty of time to spend the money they gave you, but not send a note that takes less than 3 mIn. to write? Not cool. Speaking hypothetically, notspecifically  about you, OP.

Post # 74
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@fascinated:  it’s not. But some people don’t get the thank you cares from their vendor until 2-3 months after the wedding. Especially if they do the photo cards. 

Post # 75
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@sauerdragon:  I agree.

I think it’s highly innapropriate for people to call you out on Facebook or to talk to your mom about it. I can understand wondering quietly to themselves why they haven’t received one yet though. We attended a wedding in August and I was surprised that it really bothered me that we’ve never gotten a thank you. Personally, I had all of the thank you notes in the mail the week after each shower and a week after we returned from our honeymoon. I purposesly didn’t get thank you notes with wedding pictures on it because I felt getting a thank you to everyone was more important than the picture. I also didn’t think anyone would miss the picture. 

Post # 76
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee

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@FoxyBride14:  It would be interesting to see a poll amongst guests. Would they rather wait for a photo thank you, or would they prefer a more prompt response, or do they not care either way?

While I think some (many?) brides place high value on the photo cards, I’m not sure how many guests do.  TBH most of the comments I’ve heard on the subject run along the lines of “I finally got a thank-you” rather than, “that was such a cute card, it was worth the wait.”   

Maybe it is a generational thing. 

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