(Closed) Family complaining of thank-you-card ettiquitte!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 77
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@fascinated:  I throw photo cards away (unless it’s really close family). I don’t keep printed photo albums and I dont really care to have a photo of Cousin Hilda cluttering my drawers. It’s a nice thought, but if it’s going to delay the thank yous, I dont think it’s worth it.

Post # 78
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@fascinated:  true, it might be generational. I don’t care either way to be honest. 

Post # 79
2454 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@MoonlitMagnolia:  +1

That’s how I was brought up.  We had one week to enjoy a new toy and write a thank you.  If that thank you was not written within a week, the toy was taken away.  Oh, you want to spend the next 2 hours playing on your Gameboy?  Better take that 10 minutes to write out a thank you to your grandparents.  It makes sense to me.  Once I started getting checks for things, I gave myself a two week limit- write the thank yous within two weeks of cashing the checks, but preferably sooner.  There wasn’t really a consequence if I didn’t, but it motivated me to trudge through them.

Write them out while watching tv or a movie.  Or while waiting for the laundry to dry.  5 minutes here and there adds up fast.

Post # 80
12 posts
  • Wedding: November 2014

Haters gonna hate. Apologising or changing the wording wont change their minds. 

I would focus on the intent behind the cards, not whether you complied with one persons subjective timeline of ‘proper etiquette’.

You are intending to give a personaised thank you to your dear guests who shared a very special moment with you. An extra month or so wont change than intention and the recipients will still appreciate it. 






Post # 81
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@alicroo86:  Emily Post says thank you notes for wedding gifts need to be given within 3 months from receipt of gift.

So, if it’s been 3 months since receipt of the gift then you are wrong and need to send a thank you asap with an apology for your tardiness to those relatives that are peeved.

If it has not been 3 months then simply send a thank you for the gift.

Easy peasy.

Post # 82
1916 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think photo cards are a silly excuse to delay sending thank you cards and in my experience, these usually take six months or more to receive.  I realize it takes time to get proofs back from your photographer, order them, etc.  I wrote all of my thank you notes on blank cards and mailed out holiday cards with our wedding photos.

Post # 83
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I was raised to get my ass on thank you cards ASAP.


Today I wrote out all 15 of my Christmas thank you notes and I wouldn’t want to wait a day more.  I get it…..people say they’re busy.  You’re busy, I’m busy, we’re all busy.

 I think two months is the max a couple should go.  Who honestly thinks ONE YEAR is acceptable for thank you notes?  Give me a break.

Post # 84
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@louisianablue:  I think it’s so rude.

Thank you notes are about the gifter – waiting 6 months for pro shots is saying that the thank you card is more about you than them.

Post # 85
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

I had a friend get married almost three years ago, and I’m still expecting her thank you to show up in my mail someday. I never assume that someone isn’t sending a thank you card 😉

Post # 86
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Somehow over the years, people have confused the “you have one year to give a gift” with, “you have one year to write a thank you card”.  That is SOOOOO far from the case.

I’m also of the mind that they should be sent as early as possible.  They should be a priority.  I wrote mine on the plane on the way back from my honeymoon.  


@louisianablue:   +1  The whole “but I wanted to put a picture on my thank you cards” thing really is a silly excuse to me too.  First of all, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s 6+ months later and most people assume they’re not getting a thank you.  And most people aren’t going to look at it at that point and say, “Well it has a picture on it, that’s why it took so long to send.” 

Post # 87
12246 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

We had all of ours done and sent one week after the wedding! But I wanted them all out of the way when we left for our honeymoon (one week after the wedding)!

I think as long as they’re received by 3 months after your wedding date, you’re fine!

Post # 88
3302 posts
Sugar bee

@KateByDesign:  I think it’s also a little self involved to think that people would rather not be thanked, so that they can get a picture of the recipient. I don’t expect that people are desperate to have a photo of me and husband. 

If people are super keen on sending out a photo, there is also the option of a 2nd mailing.  And really I keep people’s wedding photos for a few weeks then (guiltily) throw them out.  


Post # 91
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Rubbs:  Yup, I completely agree with every word you said! 

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