(Closed) Family complaining of thank-you-card ettiquitte!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 92
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Emily Post says three months, and in my opinion she’s the final word, so it seems you have some wiggle room still.. However, even if you NEVER sent one, I think complaining on facebook about “wedding thank you ettiquette” is a far worse offense.

Post # 93
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@alicroo86:  I think 3 months is fair. I also think that they are being way more rude than you by complaining about it. That’s harsh. I’d just get them done this week and not apologize or mention it. You could personalize those particular ones especially, like pp suggested. I did that for the people that I thought might particularly care about thank you notes.

For my thank you notes, I got them out at the 2 month mark. I would have liked to get them out faster, but it was the holiday season, I was busy at work etc etc. I mostly wanted them done so that it would be over with because I was stressing about it a bit. I still think 3 months is ok though.

As a guest, I like to receive these notes, but it’s not a big deal for me. Whenever you get around to it is a-ok.

Post # 94
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee

The last wedding i went to i got the thank you card 2.5 months later. I was just pleased to recieve it. It was a lovely personalized card and i cant imagine being upset about the fact that i didnt get it sooner.

Post # 95
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

It doesn’t really matter what Emily Post thinks about sending out thank-yous, nor what you mistakenly thought was the grace period for sending them out – apparently in your family, the tolerance for waiting for thank you notes is about two months.  Now you know, so start cranking them out ASAP.

And yes, it’s the job of your older female relatives to be the etiquette police. Some day it’ll be your turn to crack the whip on thank-you notes to some other bride.

Let me just point out in the time it took you to post here, you could’ve written three thank-you notes.  Just sayin, no excuse.

Post # 96
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

So everyone on here seems to know now that it is “proper etiquette” to send thank yous out within three months. It has only been two, why is everyone attacking the poor poster? She didn’t say she wasn’t sending cards out at all, she said she is working on them and plans on getting them out within the three months. I think people need to cut her some slack here! I would never complain if my thank you note came more than a month after the wedding, and especially not on a public forum like facebook. I got a thank you note this past summer for a wedding I attended the previous fall because they were waiting for their pictures from the photographer and I was happy to get it! I’m sure some people were able to get thank you notes out right away, great! Good for them. Sometimes things happen in life. Is getting a thank you three months after the wedding really such a horrible offense??

Post # 97
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
@Weddingmuse:  best response ever!  esp the part about time spent writing this post vs writing the damn cards!

  

View original reply
@andielovesj:  You’re right!  No one is that desperate for a photo of the bride and groom.  I am also guilty of tossing the photo thank you card.

 

But seriously OP,  2-4 months is reasonable.  Just send theirs first and move on. 

Post # 98
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think three months is reasonable and you should just ignore your relatives and get them out ASAP.

We’re still waiting on a thank you from a wedding we attended in July. They sure didn’t waste any time cashing the check, though…

Post # 99
Member
13906 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You don’t have a year to send thank yous (I’m sure this has been said before, but it’s a pet peeve of mine).

I went to a wedding in early September that I’ve yet to receive a thank you card from.  It’s been discussed all throughout the family of how rude the couple is for not acknowledging gifts.

Post # 100
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@Bracelet00:  +1. A year is a very antiquated notion. I’d be pissed too. I was raised to send thank you cards immediately. 

Post # 101
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@MrsEME:  Frankly, I doubt anyone will give a crap if the thank yous are customized. What they care about is the expression of gratitude. I would much, much rather get a timely and warm note written on the cheapest paper about how much the recipients are enjoying than a fancy photo with a printed “thank you.” 

One expresses real gratitude, the other was clearly sent out of obligation with the least amount of effort possible. One I will keep, the other will go right in the trash with an eye roll and a mental note to not burden these people with my generosity ever again.

Post # 102
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

While I do think it is rude if I NEVER receive a thank you card and it was hammered into me to send thank you cards for EVERYTHING (i sent them for all the attendees at my bachelorette), it blows my mind that people have nothing else in life to worry about than the timing of a thank you card. MAYBE 9 months after the wedding it MAY cross my mind and i’d be like hm that’s odd, it’s been a while. but i would never vocalize that to another family member. for the most part i forget about the wedding after i’ve attended and don’t remember thank you cards until i receive one. i could not care less about when i receive it because… that really shouldn’t be the reason you’re giving a gift, in my opinion.

OP – i think these people (particularly the facebook complainer) are very rude and nothing you do or say will change their opinion. i don’t think you’re in the wrong… 2 months just isn’t that long to me. but since it bothers you that they are thinking you’re rude/talking about you, just hunker down this weekend and try to get them out ASAP… or send those two out immediately and move on. they’re ridiculous to be discussing it.

Post # 103
Member
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I was raised to write the thank you note before using the gift.

Now, I would feel very odd cashing a cheque without having first wrote the thank you note to the giver. I may not race to the post office to send it, but it should get done as soon as possible. It’s a part of event planning, and the time should be scheduled. You obviously did cake tastings, menu planning, decor DIY, and everything else that comes along with planning a wedding on top of dealing with your regular life. Thank you cards should be no different.

Post # 104
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

View original reply
@Zhabeego:  I completely agree with you about the part with getting a warm and sincere thank you than  getting a photo with “thank you for the gift”. I didn’t notice the time that past on the one we received with a little photo of them in it but I did notice that they could not even be bothered to write what we had gifted them. It was more of a – oh, um, thanks for the thank you?

Post # 105
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

Does anyone seriously save photo thank you notes?  I’ve received a handful of them but they go into the trash eventually, just like the ones without photos.

Post # 106
Member
5285 posts
Bee Keeper

I wont dare post how long it has taken me to get my thank you out for fear of being burned at the stake!!! LOL I had two wedding ceremonies and one of them had 300 guests..I have to write those all by myself s my hudband is super busy so it took me alot longer then what has been posted as “acceptable” in this post

 

The topic ‘Family complaining of thank-you-card ettiquitte!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors