Post # 1
My FH popped the question to me almost two months ago. I would like to have a real informal family get together/party to just kinda celebrate and to introduce our families.
But as I have posted before in my thread Engagement Reactions and Family Conflict (http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/engagement-reactions-and-family-conflict), our families haven’t been the most supportive of our engagement since we are 20 and still in college, even though we have been together for five years, and living together for over a year of that. We have set the date for late 2013 so we can finish school. Even though they say they are excited, they cringe the few times be bring up being married or the wedding or just walk out of the room all pissed off. Excited, my ass!
Anywho, I would like some outsiders opinions. Should I just give up on the hope of ever having an engagement party? I know no one will throw us one, and I don’t think anyone would be too happy about us throwing our own. We just want to celebrate and have this actually be a happy occassion for our families so it will be happy for us! And I know it sounds shallow, but Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law are quite the “attention hogs” and we would like some attention too.
Post # 3
Maybe just have a quiet engagement dinner so that the families can all get together…maybe even at a restaurant or something. If it’s just your families, then they may be more like to all come so that they don’t seem like party poopers.
Post # 4
I know you want an engagement party- and that you would like it to be from your families- or with them there- but what about celebrating with your friends who are truely excited for you? Your family will come around hopefully- but it may take a few discussions. I had an interesting talk with my mom about a month into my engagment that ended with a week of not speaking to her. When I explained why I was so upset, things turned around. Sometimes it takes just saying whats on your mind and listening to why they are upset or un-approving. You two have been together for 5 years- it’s not like you’re young and just marrying someone you met a minute ago- or rushing into it. Maybe talk to your parents and try to understand why they are not so supportive, and then explain in very simple terms what you really want- their love and support and a party. 🙂 Good luck! I hope they come around!!!
Post # 5
@glittermoon: I just don’t like the idea of forcing anyone to stay. I don’t know. At a party they can walk around and not be stuck sitting next to someone all awkwardly.
@Onelove: Sadly, we have actually already talked to our families several times about what they are feeling and why we are upset. All they say is “We’re excited.” then go back to the way it was. Our parents are VERY stubborn people. It has gotten to the point where I kinda just want them out of my life. I don’t think Mr. Christian’s mother has ever liked me, and my parents have never really been emotionally supportive. I know it isn’t a huge deal, and it doesn’t make me not want to marry my FH, but I am really pissed about how selfish everyone is being. We’re trying to be understanding of why everyone is so uncomfortable with it (age, long engagement, still in school, etc.), but no one has thought of us first. No one has stopped to think about how their behavior is upsetting us when it should be a happy exciting time.
Sorry. Kinda started ranting. I just don’t really know what to do. I want to be like “Oh! It is my wedding and my fiance, and we’re together and that’s all that matters and we’re going to make our own happiness whether people like it or not”, but NO ONE is excited for us. Not even really our friends. They were all like “Eh. Figured after 5 years.” and that was about it. I just kinda thought an engagement was more of a to-do. I want to do things that make me and the future hubby happy, but what’s the point of having a party to celebrate when no one wants to be there, or mention things about the wedding every so often when people just get upset and leave the room. I am just so confused, and our families have kinda just sucked the excitement out of our engagement. WHat hurts most is looking back on this in the future and it not being a happy time.
Post # 6
Perhaps you could just have a get-together but don’t call it an engagement party. Like have a BBQ for labor day or something, and invite both families. if you are not planning on getting married for a while, you can have an engagement party at a later date.
I’m sorry your families aren’t more supportive and interested! Hopefully they will come around in time.
Post # 7
I would skip the party – our families were excited for us and we still didn’t have one. It’s not really proper etiquette to throw a party for yourselves, and given the cirumstances it sounds like it would be extremely awkward. They have over two years, I’m sure they’ll become more excited once it’s close to the actual date!