Family copying wedding details

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
8777 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

amanda61017 :  ‘any help or advice would be great.‘ — Ignore it. Who cares. You’re not the first bride and groom to not give each other gifts or to write each other letters. Even if you were, seriously, who cares if she does it too?

Post # 3
Member
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Hmm. I guess, could you suggest to her that if you have mutual guests, it might seem odd to have things so similar and maybe feel like it would take away from some of the specialness of her day…?

as for letters to each other, etc…that kind of stuff is still going to be very private. For you and for her. So I wouldn’t worry about that. 

and obviously you have enough of your own planning to do, but maybe you could steer her to some ideas you like but didn’t go with since obviously she likes your taste and style? That way she has some direction to go but might not copy every detail as much?

Post # 4
Member
9539 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

She is going after you, will look like she copied and doesn’t care. What can you do? Nothing. Accept it and plan the wedding of your dreams.

Post # 5
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee

amanda61017 :  This would drive me absolutely nuts at first!  I think after taking a step back on it though the things to consider are that she is going to be married a month after you, so you get your day with your original ideas first, and that she admitted to you that she wants to do what you are doing.  So this isn’t some catty dig at you, in a round about way, it’s a very big compliment. 

It seems moreso that she really likes your ideas, and seems very stressed or not thrilled at the idea of planning her own wedding than like she wants to copy and try to steal your thunder in any way.  It sounds like she is very influenced by what you come up with, so maybe an idea to help sway her in other directions, would be for some things you are helping her plan to say “you know I really couldn’t decide between (what you are actually doing) and (something else), and looking back on it I would have done (something else), maybe you should try that for your wedding so we can see what it would have turned out like!”  You would be helping her plan, also getting to see some of the ideas you liked but may have scratched for your own wedding, and might get her to make some more differences between the events.

Post # 6
Member
7683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

amanda61017 :  Have you shared everything with her?  Anyway it’s after yours!  Flattery is the best compliment. 

Post # 7
Member
2507 posts
Sugar bee

amanda61017 :  none of the “ideas” you listed are unique. I doubt your dress is even unique.  Her wedding is after yours, so yours will still be first and “original”, so who the eff cares. People will think she copied you, not the other way around. If it bugs you that much, just don’t tell her anything about your wedding. 

Post # 8
Member
1378 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t share anymore ideas with her and tell her that it might look odd to have the EXACT same things at her wedding.

Post # 9
Member
7419 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Everything you’re doing has been done before. There really are not that many original details in weddings. Colors? You’re the only one who will notice. Same with the dress. There are goimg to be loads of similarities for any wedding. No one cares. You shouldn’t either. 

Post # 10
Member
1378 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

I say sell her your stuff once you’re done.

Post # 11
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Yours is first, so really, who cares? I saw two weddings this summer that looked nearly identical, down to the venue, colors, decor, everything…the brides don’t know each other even remotely, not much is truly original these days. 

Post # 12
Member
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Start telling her ideas that are the complete opposite of yours.  Bonus points if they’re ugly decor or really strange ideas.

Post # 13
Member
3846 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Your wedding is first so she is the one who’s going to look odd (if people even notice, which they may well not). Just stop telling her anything about your wedding. Or tell her her wedding will look weird if it’s exactly the same so you’ll help her think of other ideas. It sounds like she just really isn’t into planning rather than deliberately trying to be annoying.

Post # 14
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Canvas Event Space

Yours is first so I think it’s fine if some of the details are the same, however what I would be concerned about is that she may be expecting to benefit from being able to use stuff from your wedding without having to purchase it herself.

I think that’s a convo that needs to be had and if that’s the case you’ll need to decide if you’re okay with that or if you expect to be (partially) reimbursed for items she intends to use.

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