Post # 1
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
So husband & I decided we will start working on path to try to conceive this coming spring. 🙂 As someone with an autoimmune condition, it will bring challenges.
Well my in laws just asked us to join a family cruise for a week Sept 2020 (mini reunion, an uncle or two will be there). The timing could not be worse.. Being immune compromised, high risk /higher chance miscarriage, there’s no way in hell my doc will want me on a cruise ship if pregnant.. And I don’t feel comfortable doingdoing so. Secondly, I have zero interest in sitting around on a boat drinking booze for a week.. That ship has sailed (ha). I don’t want to wait another year to ttc. Lastly, husband says it’s been on his bucket list to go on a cruise. I feel like the bad guy here.. Mother-In-Law will throw a fit if he doesn’t at least go. Far before this cruise talk I’ve been hoping to plan couple small trips soon BEFORE ttc & that would go out window to use our PTO time for cruise. 😐 It’s lose lose situation it seems.. What would you do? Any ideas? Please help!
Post # 2
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
jonasbutterfly : I don’t see a problem in Darling Husband going. If you are pregnant there is truly not much he can do for you anyways. So why stop him from enjoying a cruise especially if you’d not be interested anyways.
Post # 3
Member
4330 posts
Honey bee
Granted I am not immunocompromised, but I’ve been on a bunch of cruises and have never been sick. I work in health care and I am fastidious about washing my hands, taking off shoes etc. I insist that anyone staying in my suite must follow the same precautions. It takes some people months (or longer!) to conceive and if your husband really wants to go that would be enough for me to either let him go on his own or accompany him.
Also, I don’t drink, but there’s plenty to do on a cruise that doesn’t involve alcohol and with shore excursions you’re not on the boat the whole time, in fact you’re generally off it for the entire day. Unless you plan to get pregnant and stay in your home throughout the entire pregnancy I dont see a cruise as a problem. If you go with a reputable upscale cruise line and take basic precautions chances are you will be fine. Also, once you have children and they go to school, you will find that they become perfect little vectors for viral and bacterial infection. Discuss the issue with your doctor and make your decision.
Post # 4
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
I have an autoimmune disease and have had zero restrictions while pregnant. I just got back from a whirlwind month of traveling that involves flying to Europe and driving up and down the East coast of the U.S. on at least 4 occasions. Unless you’ve heard this directly from your dr, I would not assume there would be any restriction that prevented you from attending. Sounds like the issue here is you don’t want to attend if you’re pregnant. That’s a whole other issue and would need to be worked out with your husband. But I would consider the possibility that you won’t be pregnant by September. My immunity problems led to infertility and it took us over 3 years plus many rounds of IVF to conceive. Even for a healthy couple with no medical issues, it can take 8 months to a year to get pregnant.
as for whether your husband should go solo, I would have no issue with it. My husband has spent the better part of my pregnancy traveling for work, sometimes gone for 3 weeks at a time. I am 28 weeks now and he just left again for a week. I miss him I don’t really need his “support”.
i understand wanting to plan a separate trip with your husband so I’d figure out if there is a way you can do both. Maybe a weekend trip somewhere? Utilize a holiday weekend etc.
again, this is all based on a timeline that may Or may not work out. I’d see if you can book refundable tickets for the cruise and go from there just in case you can’t attend.
Post # 5
Member
3801 posts
Honey bee
littleanchor : this!
Planning for pregnancy is a bit unrealistic. I would talk to your doctor about the safety of you going on a cruise while pregnant. Lots of pregnant women do it or go on other vacations. I sure did and do! If you just don’t want to go, fine, but I wouldn’t stop your husband from going. You can always book for both of you and get cancellation travel insurance (mine covered pregnancy as a cancellation reason).
Post # 6
Member
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
jonasbutterfly : You have no way of knowing whether you’ll be pregnant or not in September. I would book the cruise for both of us and buy trip insurance. That way, if you are pregnant and your doctor says it wouldn’t be safe, one or both of you can back out with no loss.
If you really just don’t want to go, you should be upfront with your husband about that rather than giving him excuses that are easily refuted. Yeah, it kinda will make you the bad guy but at least you’re being honest with him. You can discuss it together and come to a decision.
Post # 7
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
I agree with @littleanchor , you are basing your decision off of a timeline that is not for sure. I think it’s a great idea to see if you can get a refundable ticket, and decide from there. Does this have to be booked right away?
Agreeing again with @littleanchor, I totally understand wanting to go somewhere with just your husband. A weekend trip would be great and you might really enjoy going on a cruise with him too especially if it’s always been something you’ve wanted to do. I’ve personally never been on a cruise – i get violently sea sick – but know tons of people who have been and absolutely love them. There seems to be a lot more to do on them than just drink, so even if you are pregnant i think you could have a good time. But i also understand your concern with hearing all of the stories about people getting sick on them.
But, you don’t know how you will be/feel when pregnant and that’s assuming you will get pregnant before then. Either way, good luck, my FIL’s want to vacation with my FH and I too and i would also much rather just go with my FH rather than his parents too, but…sacrifices…
Post # 8
Member
6845 posts
Busy Beekeeper
I wouldn’t keep my husband from doing something on his bucket list because I *might* be pregnant or even while pregnant, and I had two high risk pregnancies. Plan a couple of weekend trips with your hubs and it won’t be a lose-lose situation.
Post # 9
Member
4608 posts
Honey bee
You can’t stop living your life or bring any other plans in other aspects in your life to a grinding halt just because you plan to have unprotected sex and maybe if you time it just right might be knocked up to some unspecified degree, which being pregnant also isn’t a good reason or excuse to stop living your life. Pregnant women travel, work, run marathons, win international tennis competitions, control the government of entire countries, and so on and so forth.
And unless your husband is a world-renowned OBGYN or a voodoo practitioner of sorts, ain’t nothing he can do that you can’t do for yourself or to stop you from potentially miscarrying.
Post # 10
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
So don’t go. Your worried about being pregnant, don’t want to sit around a ship drinking booze, you think your Dr. won’t o.k it. Seems like you have already checked. So why can’t your husband go by himself? You wouldn’t stop him from doing something that is on his bucket list because you have reasons why you can’t go would you? That would be very selfish of you. I would never ever think about doing that to my husband. It would be a lose lose situation if you don’t let your husband go. And if you don’t want to sit on a ship drinking booze than don’t. I didn’t. There is so much to do on a ship and off the ship besides drinking.
Post # 11
Member
9806 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
You might not even be pregnant in September. And even if you are, it would still be early. It’s not like he’d be risking missing the birth. I’d let him go. I would consider going (after talking to your doctor but I wouldn’t make assumptions about what is/isn’t approved).
Post # 12
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
I understand that some people don’t like the idea of a cruise for a variety of reasons (sea sickness, potential for quick spread of GI diseases, etc), and honestly likely wouldn’t want to go on one myself while pregnant because I’m a germaphobe. But I do think you should at least let your husband go, since he seems to really want to and this is a perfect opportunity for him to cross off a bucket list item you don’t really care about/want to do, without you having to be there.
I did have some concerns myself about travelling after our planned TTC timeline began, mostly because both trips in that time frame were with family and involved brewery tours etc so it would have been quite obvious if I was pregnant but not ready to share yet. However, we had some semi-foreseen delays, and ended up getting pregnant right after the second trip. While I did discuss it with my husband (like what if I’m 3 or 6 months pregnant for these trips), we still booked them and ended up going not pregnant. I’d say if you’d be willing to go not pregnant then consider booking with insurance for a refund. If you just wouldn’t ever want to anyway, then send your husband and use lack of time off etc as an excuse.
Post # 13
Member
797 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: September 2017 - California
It’s not really reasonable to ask your husband to put his life on hold or not make plans for something because you might be pregnant. If you are pregnant at that point and he does need to stay home with you for any reason, he will just have to cancel, but not making the plan if he really wants to go seems unnecessary at this point. If you don’t want to go even if not pregnant, then you shouldn’t have to. There are plenty of excuses you could make to avoid agreeing to go. It doesn’t sound like it will be much fun for you, but if there is a social expectation that you will go, then it sounds like you would be best off coming up with an excuse – you could just say it’s going to be a busy time at work, or you don’t have enough time off to spare, or any number of things.
Post # 14
Member
12320 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I don’t see it like PPs. This is also about sacrificing their vacations as a couple in favor of a cruise without her. If that is an excellent possibility, a solo trip in lieu of one or two trips closer to medical care would not be OK.
Post # 15
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
I just went on a cruise with Norwegian and they’re FASTIDIOUS in cleaning everything and having people either wash their hands or use antibacterial stuff constantly. If people are discovered sick they are quarantined in their quarters and if they don’t follow the instructions they can be kicked off.
You’re probably safer from getting sick on a cruise than on any other vacation you could possibly take.
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