(Closed) Family disagreeing over autistic step son

posted 10 years ago in Reception
Post # 17
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you’re making the right decision for him! As an autistic person myself, I wish I’d been left behind during family weddings and events as a small child. While I can tolerate them today, as a kid (especially at his age!) it just freaked me out. I ended up miserable and made everyone else around me miserable as well. The sound, the crowds, the sheer number of strangers, strange places, and new things can be really overwhelming. I think both your families need to step back and get out of this decision making process. The only people who ought to be involved in this are the mother, the father, you, and your step-son. His needs and desires need to be placed above and beyond those of anyone else.

You sound like you’re going to be an awesome step-mom! Wish I’d had someone as understanding when I was his age!

Post # 18
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think you two are absolutely doing the right thing.  I agree with the pps who have said that, now that you have explained the whole thing to your Future Mother-In-Law, you should stop discussing it with her.  She knows all the reasons, but she’s letting her emotions get in the way.  Plus, she has never been primarily responsible for him for an extended period of time, so she can’t fully understand how distressing a big crowded event would be to him.  From now on, every time it comes up, just say “Yes, we’re all very sad but we have to do what’s best for stepson.” and keep repeating that without getting into the explanations.  It makes it harder for them to argue if they have to start out saying “you don’t have to do what’s best for him, do what you want!”

Post # 20
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

You are making the right decision, and I think that in the end, your Future Mother-In-Law will eventually come around and realize it’s for the best.  It’s probably just her gut to want him there and she’s too proud to let that gut feeling go.  My friend’s youngest sister is severely autistic and came to her wedding just for the pictures, which were at her house and only with family.  It was just the only way to do it – it’s a tough choice but you’re making the right one!

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