(Closed) Family disappointed in baby's gender

posted 3 months ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m so sorry your family is being like that 🙁 

Congrats on your baby boy!! I have a one year old little boy and he is the sweetest little guy and so happy and laid back! I think either gender can be hard and it more so has to do with personality at the beginning. I also have a daughter (2.5 yrs) and she was so much harder as a baby.  

I also know my mom and sister both wanted my daughter to be a girl because we didn’t have a girl grandchild/niece so they really just wanted all the cute girly clothes and headbands. Is it possible its something like that for your family members? 

Post # 3
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Ugh. So rude.

Tell them you plan to raise the baby gender-neutral and let hir choose when zhe’s ready. It’ll either shut them up or get them cooing over adorable baby boy stuff in short order.

Post # 4
Member
9426 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

That makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. I have a baby boy (2 next month, so I guess not much of a baby anymore!) and he’s our whole world. He’s so unbelievably sweet. He wasn’t an easy baby, but I don’t chalk that up to him being a boy.

While I never got extremely negative reactions, some people assumed that I must’ve wanted a girl just because I’m a woman. It was annoying because no, not all women want a girl and I in particular really, really wanted a boy. I felt like those comments implied LO wasn’t as wanted as he truly is.

I would flat out say, “Dh and I are incredibly excited, so keep your negative opinions to yourself.” This is such a poor reflection of them and for your son’s sake, I really hope they get over it the second they see his sweet little face.

Post # 5
Member
321 posts
Helper bee

I ran into the opposite…”You’re lucky you’re having a boy.  They’re so much easier.”. Lol   Some people just have a bias.  I think once your little boy arrives your family will change their tune.  I mean…babies are hard to resist!

I have a 4 month old little boy.  He’s a smiley guy and loves to squeal and babble.  I can already see he’s going to be a “me do” kid. Lol.  Congrats on your little boy!  He’ll bring you lots of joy.

Post # 6
Member
6915 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I was someone who really wanted a girl and ended up having a boy. More than anything, though, I’d been praying for the perfect child for us. That’s exactly who we got. He will be 10 this year and he was an AMAZING baby (a happy, peaceful, easy, smiling Buddha baby – the perfect first child for people who had no idea what the hell they were doing) and he’s been an amazing kid in general. He’s loving, kind, thoughtful, curious, helpful, funny and incredibly sweet and cuddly. So many of my thoughts and assumptions about boys have been challenged by being his mother. He is exactly the child we needed to have, the child *I* needed to have.

It’s unfortunate that your family has been so openly negative. I think people have their biases and, in many ways, children come along to challenge them (so do other people we encounter in life but they’re way less cute).

Post # 7
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

Your family is incredibly rude and insensitive. 

I have a 6.5 month old little boy, so I don’t really know much about raising a boy yet, but I will say that I originally wanted a little girl, but damn, I love this little boy so much.

It probably has nothing to do with his gender and everything to do with who he is, but he’s absolutely amazing and I wouldn’t want it any other way, so much so that even though before I wanted one of each, now I would be happy to have another baby boy. 

 

Post # 8
Member
7121 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
rainbowduckie :  Oh. My. God.  People are so inappropriate.  This is actually one of the reasons we decided to be Team Green.  My Mother-In-Law is WAAAAAYYY too invested in any future grandchildren’s genitals. We’re actually just no longer on speaking terms with her, so she couldn’t revel in her replacement granddaughter when she arrived anyways.  

I would get comments like, “When you and my son have a baby, I hope it’s a girl so she can just sit here all sweet and calm.”  My stepson was always high energy, but he also has ADHD.  Then she would turn around and say things like, “You don’t want a girl.  Girls are b***hes.”  She hasn’t seen her first granddaughter since she was 8 months old (turning 9 years old this year), so she was always banking on us having a girl… which made me want to be Team Green even more. It might be something you want to consider for your second!  Or just find out and not tell anyone the sex.  I’ve known people that have done that too.

My stepson also desperately wanted, and still wants (we’re pregnant again and Team Green again), a baby brother.  So we didn’t want him rolling his eyes at another sister (he has 3 at his moms, and now one with us) for 4 months.  It was a good choice, because within a week of his sister being born, he was telling me how much he was glad she’s a girl.

ANYWAYS.  I have lots of friends that have boys, and they’re seriously sooooo sweet.  A lot less timid than my daghter, but just as snuggly and awesome.  They have so much curiosity, it’s amazing.  And, in many way, boys and girls aren’t very different at the beginning.  My daughter (almost 2yo) likes cars just as much as any boys her age.  She likes running, jumping, wrestling just the same.  And how much boys love their mothers and look up to their fathers is just so precious to me.  I came into my stepson’s life when he was 5, and he was always ready to explore the next thing.  I just wanted to harbor that curiosity and watch it grow.  He’s now 12, almost 13, and he’s really such a boy with his video games.  But he LOVES his baby sister, and he’s so sweet with her.  Every night he’s over, he gives her good night kisses.  He entertains her playing with him, even when he’s busy with his friends or his video games.  And this year, he bought his first little girlfriend chocolates and roses for Valentine’s Day.  He’s truly amazing.

Post # 9
Member
3448 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I have one of each. My eldest is a boy. I desperately wanted boys each time and I didn’t find out the sex until birth. We stayed team yellow because I knew I’d struggle with knowing I was having a girl. 

my son is so sweet (most of the time) he loves train and cars but also playing kitchens and caring for his sister’s doll. 

I struggled hugely with gender disapointment when my daughter was born, though the rest of the family were thrilled as they all wanted her to be a girl. All I will say is that now she is here I love her loads and I’m so pleased to have a girl.

Post # 10
Member
4184 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My first is a boy, and I experienced similar comments. I always guessed it was because I’m a stereotypical “girly girl”, and people guessed I’d want someone to share those things with. But then I had a daughter and noticed a marked difference in stranger’s reactions. Something about little girls elicits a really different reaction. 

My son is so sweet and full of empathy. He loves me so much and always wants to cuddle/be physically close to me. My daughter legit slaps my face half the time I kiss her, and is about 10 times more stubborn than her brother ever was. So it’s really all about their individual personality. They both have incredible qualities, but neither has qualities I’d say are stereotypical of their gender.

I just started saying “we’re so excited it’s a healthy boy!”  to lead the conversation in a positive way. But I also was genuinely hurt on my son’s behalf, so I totally get it!

Post # 11
Member
13033 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Unacceptable. I would confront anyone who spoke to me like that and tell them the comments are ignorant, sexist, and that you don’t want to hear them. 

If it’s particularly bad I’d make it clear that if there is an attitude of preference when the baby is born and as he grows up that they may be seeing a whole lot less of you.

Post # 12
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee

Wow. That is so disgusting i cant even. You need to shut that down now. Like right now. How dare they judge and degrade your child before he is even born? Based on his sex no less… how awful. 

My son is the light of my life. He is such a sweet little boy and is so caring already at his young age (9 months). He is a jolly baby and everyone who meets him just falls in love with him. I am so lucky to be his mom.

I can go on and on…. Tell the family to stfu. 

Post # 13
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

My Mother-In-Law told me that when she had her first child (a girl), her family said “oh you must be so disappointed”, and then when she had my husband, they said “oh what a relief, you can stop now that there’s someone to pass on the family name”. 

Joke’s on them, both my husband and SIL are CFBC, so that name’s going nowhere…

I can’t believe people are still being so rude about this sort of thing!

Post # 14
Member
4057 posts
Honey bee

My husband’s family is comprised of 7 grandsons and 1 granddaughter. I was terrified at the anatomy scan for my first since I knew I would hear comments if it was a boy. Our ultrasound said girl (it was wrong), and everyone was so excited. I felt relief that I wouldn’t have to deal with the “another boy” comments. Well, when I gave birth we discovered we actually had a boy and the tech was wrong. I am so mad at myself to this day, that laying there I felt numb and was bummed he was a boy. I cannot stress this enough…do. not. let. people. take. away. your. joy. My son deserved nothing but happiness and excitement about his arrival, and stupid comments ruined that moment for me. Luckily it was a matter of about 30 min of shock, and I was totally attached and thrilled to have my little boy. He is so incredibly cuddly, sweet, and attached to me. I have actually always heard the opposite you have, that boys are way easier. My son is now four and he still loves cuddling me and tells me I’m his best friend all the time. I am pregnant with my second, and its also a boy. I have had the “oh you’re having ANOTHER boy” comments, and it does piss me off, but I know how awesome raising a boy is, and I don’t give a damn what the idiots say. My son is also so pumped to change diapers and take care of his little brother. 

I’m so sorry you’ve heard such strong comments from family. To be honest, I’d tell them anyone who is less than thrilled to welcome your son into the world does not have to have a relationship with him or you. To be negative about a sweet innocent little life is simply disgusting.

Congratulations on your little guy!! From one boy mom to another, they are the BEST! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
4914 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
rainbowduckie :  This is so disgusting and narrow minded. I got an idea, next time you see these people, open up some of the TTC threads so they can see how many people out there are struggling just to get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy & baby. Maybe they can show some appreciation of a new baby (penis or vagina included). I’m quite pissed off for you!

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