(Closed) Family disappointed in baby's gender

posted 6 months ago in Babies
Post # 31
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

i am so sorry you are experiencing this. let me start by saying congrats!! i am a mom of two boys and you are in for a wild, but the funnest, ride. There is something so magical about the love between a little boy and his mama. i wanted a girl so bad! now i wouldnt give my boys up for anything. i dont know how or why your family could be so closed minded but its honestly their loss. once that baby comes hopefully none of this will matter. good luck, i will be thinking about you! 

Post # 32
Member
9684 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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rainbowduckie :  

l would upfront say ‘well we are very happy with the baby’s sex. I hope when he’s born you don’t keep wishing he was something else. ‘ 

 I hate this kind of inappropriate negative comment and would doubly hate it on my baby’s behalf. The sex of someone else’s child is not something anyone else should be negatively banging on about. 

Post # 33
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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rainbowduckie :  This seems so unusual for a family to so adamantly want one gender and for it to be a girl! Overall, people say boys are easier, prefer them, etc (I’d say because of sexism although that’s going on a tangent). 

I am also pregnant with a boy and I did receive some comments from a couple people about how they wish we were having a girl but at the end of the day what matters is that you and your husband are happy! We don’t have kids for other people. We have them for ourselves. And I know I’d love any child I had irrespective of their gender.  As is true of almost all parents. 

I feel like when the baby arrives people will get over it and love the baby for who he is. At least I really hope so!

Post # 34
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee

I would be so pissed off. 

I have a little boy who’s 10 months. He is a very easy baby. Super calm and a little shy. He is my world and I love him so much.

 

Post # 35
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

 I have two boys 11 and 13 and wouldn’t want a girl!  Boys are so easy in terms of the drama department!  I don’t do well with the high pitch screaming that girls do! lol. So, don’t fret! Boys are chill.  Just be prepared to go with the flow when it comes to messes.  I’ve learned to embrace the mess and cherish the memories.  Also, boys will always love their mommas, girls go through the “i hate you” phase.

However, I can relate. When I found out that my 11 year old was going to be a boy I could feel the disappointment from people. That was my second boy and the 3rd boy in our family. No girls.  It ruined the whole finding out the sex experience for me.  That is why if we get pregnant and are able to have a 3rd I do not want to find out the sex.  I would be thrilled with a healthy baby but I know others will be initially disappointed if it is not a boy or a girl and I do not want to experience that again.

Post # 36
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Tell them that, since they object to your baby’s gender, they won’t feel bad that they never meet your baby. Seriously–it’s really destructive for children (or anyone else) to spend time with people who wish they were something they’re not. So protect your child from these idiots. Who needs them?

Post # 37
Member
6947 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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rainbowduckie :  how nasty of them! And I’d be willing to bet if it was a girl they’d tell horror stories about that instead. I wound up with one of each and I do think one grandma in particular is delighted about the new one… she’s got six sons though, so a change is probably nice. And she still absolutely loves my son as well.

All 6 sons are awesome people, even the one I find a bit more obnoxious than the others. Not one of them ever got into real trouble in childhood or as teens. They all get along amazingly though I hear there were some fights as kids… that’s normal. I’m constantly being told how handsome my son is (he got lashes that women would kill for and eyes the size of a waif in a fairytale). I’m constantly told how smart he is and what a great vocabulary he has. Sure he hit his sister with toys a couple of times and was a bad nurser as a baby but whatever. Overall he’s wonderful and your son will be too. My daughter is great and completely different and I’m far more worried about her when she’s a teen than him (I’ve got years ahead of me)

Tell each and every one of them that if they ever want to see a grandchild at all, they need to knock it off. Any sign of dislike or disappointment or favoritism and your whole family will vanish from their lives. Damn they make me mad. 

Post # 38
Member
3318 posts
Sugar bee

Since you won’t actually know this child’s gender for 4+ years they could still be a girl. 

Genitals do not equal gender. 

Post # 39
Member
270 posts
Helper bee

I can’t believe people in 2020 are still doing gender stereotypes. Even some well meaning comments are full of gender roles (no offense, it’s just very surprising in this day and age). I mean girls = frills and princesses while boys = sports and robots??? No wonder so many people are having identity issues, dysphoria, and face a lot of social pressure to conform. 

I don’t care about my child’s gender at all. Personality can’t be determined by genitals, especially likes and dislikes. I loved Hot wheels and leggos as a girl but I still loved dresses! That didn’t make me any less of a girl. Please allow your kids to like whatever they like and don’t assign a gender to it. 

Post # 40
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

I have two boys who are now in their 20s and I couldn’t have been happier. When I had my second son, I had convinced myself I was having a girl. (I didn’t want to know in advance). The minute he was born, I wouldn’t have changed a thing and never thought about having a girl again. The minute I saw him I was totally happy and overwhelmed. I think once your son is born and the grandparents see him, all this crazy thinking will go out the window. They will fall totally in love with him. 

Post # 41
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2020

I totally disagree with them. I mean, they should be happy for whatever the kid will be: boy or girl. The important part is to be healthy and wealthy in life. The good part is that most of the cases, they will change their mind quickly after the newborn will smile to them. 

Post # 42
Member
708 posts
Busy bee

I’m so sorry you got that reaction! I find it so odd because historically couples would wish for a boy to carry on the family name…

I truely think everything will change once the baby is born!

I havent conceived yet, but i look at photos of my fiance as a little kid and it makes me want a son even more! 

Just pray/hope for a happy, healthy, baby! and congrats 🙂

Post # 43
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

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rainbowduckie :  

I was a single mom of a son who is 21 now and I loved every minute of being a mom to a boy over a girl. I have pictures of the two of us during mother-son dances when he was little. He gave me away when I got married and stood as my man-of-honor.

Your hubby will be able to help with the struggles that I had to figure out on my own like potty training a boy when your equipment is different. I learned real quick to advise my son to point down and had the wet shoes to show for my errors. 

I found cuter clothes for boys than girls (I don’t do pretty) and boys’ toys were more fun to play with. I never had to deal with the level of drama that parents of girls can often deal with.

The best description of boys over girls that I ever heard was from writer Erma Bombeck. She said that boys were easier to raise than girls because you know where you stand with them, right in the path of a hurricane. There are no surprises because you learn to expect the unexpected. 

My son once tore down the curtains trying to swing from them like Tarzan. He tried to cover it up by hiding the mess under a blanket, stood in front, and told me he loved me when I asked what he was hiding. 

He also brought me anything he could pick from the yard with petals just to see me smile. Even if it wasn’t our yard.

Yes, you will have some craziness at times. Expect it and love every minute of it. I did! 

Post # 44
Member
9684 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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andielovesj :  

l know l know, but l think we are fighting a losing battle and ‘gender’ is now used everywhere when it is ‘sex’ that is meant.
l remember a bee saying how utterly shocked her grandmother would be if she called her ‘Gender Reveal’  party by its correct name lol.  

Post # 45
Member
3318 posts
Sugar bee

 

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elderberry :   as long as we don’t point it out, it perpetuates the myth that genitals and gender are the same.

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