(Closed) Family Disapproves of Best Groomswoman

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2946 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You will have to brush this comment off.  Don’t talk to her about it, don’t give her a chance to bring it up.  Who knows if the rest of your family will feel this way (maybe they are more progressive) and even if they do… You can’t care about it.  People will constantly have opnions like this about your life.  Your husband has lunch with a female co-worker, they must be having an affair.  You go for drinks with an old guy friend, you must be trying to kindle a romance.  You send your kids on a trip to grandma and grandpas alone, you must be having marrital problems you don’t want them around to see.  Anyone can twist minor things into a huge deal.  You can only control how you react. 

Post # 4
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

Then you are going to have to ignore her.  Tell her the decision is made and is no longer up for discussion.  If she brings it up, leave.  If you are on the phone, hang up.  EVERY TIME.  Eventually she will get the message.

And you can tell her there is a 53 yo MOB here whose 2 best friends in the entire world are guys and have been for over 25 years.  I find your mother’s ideas here appalling.

Post # 6
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

One of FI’s best friends is a (married) woman. They have know each other for years and have managed not to bump uglies yet. It *is* possible for a man and woman to be friends


Post # 7
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@AllyCRN:  Just warn the groomswoman ahead of time that your mom is “old school”, “judgmental” or “crazy” or whatever adjective you choose to use and explain that she doesn’t understand male:female friendships. It will be ok!

Post # 8
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@AllyCRN:  If she is made to feel uncomfortable or unwelcome, you leave with her. If they make her unwelcome, they’ve made you unwelcome. I’m not saying you need to storm off. Just politely make your exit if whomever refuses to stop their accusations after a gentle warning.

Post # 10
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I, honestly, would have no problem telling my mother to leave an event if she were making someone uncomfortable. She doesn’t have to agree with you, but she certainly does have to respect your decision and not undermine it by talking crap to your family. The next time your mother brings it up, I would firmly tell her that 1) this is the last time you’re going to discuss this and 2) she should be aware that if any blabbing continues, or she makes groomswoman uncomfortable in any way, she will be escorted out of the event, even if it’s the actual wedding. And then stick to it.

Post # 11
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Make sure you introduce her to your mother asap at a pre-wedding event. It’s harder to be mean about someone after having met them. 

Also, is there some way you can subtly get her into your mother’s good books? For example, my mother would be a big fan of someone if they helped set up/clean up at one of the pre-wedding events. Especially seeing as she is in the wedding party this wouldn’t be too weird. 

I know that she is a groomswoman but can she come to an event with the bridesmaids sans your mother? If you can get your cousins on your/her side that will help things a lot. Try laying the groundwork but talking about how excited you are that she said yes, what good friends you are with her and how important she is to you etc etc. 

Post # 13
967 posts
Busy bee

I would tell your mom that this is yours and fi’s wedding and if she can’t treat your fi’s best women well then she will be asked to leave. 

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