- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
My FH and I are in our early 30s. Our wedding this year will be the first one for both of us, neither of us has married before. We are both the youngest of our siblings, and each of us has a sister. FH and I grew up about 2,000 miles from each other, so we picked a major city that is easy to fly to, stay in, pretty cheap, and has plenty to do that is located in between where both of us grew up so that it would be easy on the families to travel for the wedding.
Neither of our families seems to care that we are getting married. They’re happy for us, but that’s as far as it goes. We’ve waited so long to find the right person to get married to, and it feels like our families should at least be saying it’s about time! But no, they just act like…meh. FHs family called yesterday to tell us they want to fly in the day before the wedding and fly out the day after. They are retired, have plenty of money to stay a couple of days, and they know that we will need help getting last minute things for the wedding and setting things up. FHs sister is divorced, but when she got married, their parents spent days ahead of time helping her. Its not like FH is the bad child or anything, he has always been a good person and never got into trouble, so we don’t understand why his parents are treating us differently. They like me and we all get along well, so I don’t get it.
My own mother is bipolar but refuses to get help or medication for it. Sometimes we are fine, other times she gets crazy angry and gets irrational. My dad and I were always close, so anytime my mom is mad at my dad, she yells at me also. Its always been this way. A couple of weeks ago my dad was in a minor car accident that was not his fault, but my mom got really upset and started yelling on the phone to me about how she’ll end up paying thousands of dollars because it probably was his fault and she went on and on about things that were untrue. Anytime she’s mad with my dad, she brings up everything in the past that he has ever done to upset her. So after her rant about the car accident, she started talking about how she’ll have to work the rest of her life because he doesn’t have a retirement set up for her and a bunch of other things that she always ends up complaining about. She then started crying on the phone saying that I always take my dad’s side. I calmly told her that its because he never badmouths her and I’m tired of hearing her complain about her marriage to me. I don’t feel its appropriate. She then hung up on me and hasn’t called since.
I talked to my sister right after and she blew it off, saying our mom is like this and will get over it. I waited a week, didn’t hear from anyone, so I called my dad to talk with him. He just said that my mom has been fine with him, never acted angry toward him, and the insurance ruled the accident the other person’s fault and he does not owe any money. He alluded that she never mentioned anything about me, either. He also did not ask about the wedding or seem interested if I was okay or what is going on in my life. Its been another week since then, and I haven’t heard anything from them. My mom is the type that normally calls daily, so this is unusual. I could be dead and they don’t seem to care.
I don’t know what to do. I want to just cut my mom out of my life, but that would mean cutting my dad out also. Would this be the best option? Should I not invite them to the wedding? I’m seriously thinking of telling them FH and I eloped so that they won’t show up to our wedding in sept. I’m not sure if she’s still planning on going anyway. I feel she owes me an apology for yelling at me and hanging up on me, but this woman has never apologized for anything. I’ve tried setting boundaries and being an adult and having rational conversations with her about her behavior before, but it just makes her crazy all over again.
All of my friends live out of state, but FH has a good support system here. I feel like I want to elope so we can have our own wedding without people who seem so uninterested, but I think he wants something more traditional and doesn’t understand how I feel, no matter how hard I try to explain it to him. What do I do? I’ve been crying for days now.