(Closed) Family Drama

posted 12 years ago in Family
Post # 17
3625 posts
Sugar bee

I’m kind of in a similar position as your Mom. My younger daughter got engaged first. Shortly after,my older one got engaged. I let THEM decide between them who would get married first. Both decided to wait before setting their dates.

2 years later,the younger one’s Fiance started pushing for a date,and after many discussions with them it was set for June ’08. Gown & all accessories,Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, venue,DJ,etc was bought and/or booked until 6 months before. My daughter got cold feet and everything was canceled. They remained engaged with no scheduled date except for ‘some time in the future’. Older daughter was frustrated as she wanted to get started with her planning,so they set THEIR date.May,2010. (Following me so far?) lol

Last year in early ’09 ,older DD and I were in full wedding planning,buying things,scheduling appts.,deciding on vendors,etc. getting things in place for her wedding. An opportunity arose for an inexpensive wedding reception and I jokingly mentioned it to both of my daughters,and the younger one who had no scheduled date,loved the idea. It meant changing gears and getting HER wedding done in less than 3 months. Doable,but completely unexpected. AARRGGG!!

I am one person. It was incredibly difficult to plan 2 weddings in less than a year. Switching back & forth between colors,styles, and everything else is draining!

My point of all this is it may have nothing to do at all with you being ignored,tho you may be FEELING ignored. Hers is first,you have some time,and both having the money and energy in planning is hard to do for 2 daughters at the same time. Maybe if you give her some time to finish up with your sister she can give you what you want and need from her.


Post # 18
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think there’s a lot of good ideas/advice being thrown around here.

First, I feel for your situation. Whether or not your Mom intends to make you feel “less than” when it comes to your wedding, it still sucks. How awful to make you feel this way.

That said, you don’t need anyone else’s permission- including your Mom, your sister, or anyone else- to have YOUR wedding when you want it, however you want it. I think you and your Fiance need to sit down and make a list of what is most important to you with respect to your wedding. If you really want to have a bigger wedding, but you don’t feel you have the money, you can either have a longer engagement in order to save the money, or you can respectfully present your situation to your parents and ask if they would be able to contribute. If you decide to be married by JOP, or to have a Destination Wedding, make sure it’s what you and Fiance really want. Whatever you decide, make sure you do it with pureness of heart- don’t do it to spite your Mom, or beat your sister to the altar, etc. Only you and Fiance know what’s best for you.

P.S.} I think your idea of having a JOP marry you in the spot where your Fiance first told you he loved you is INCREDIBLY romantic. As for how to deal with the newspaper and your nosy family’s reaction- I would be incredibly PROUD to tell that story to anyone. I mean, really, if you tell them “We decided to have an incredibly romantic intimate ceremony at the very spot where Fiance first told me he loved me,” how could ANYONE get angry with you or have anything snide to say about that?  Then I would take the money you would have spent on the wedding and I would have an equally romantic and wonderful honeymoon with the Fiance. Live it up, girl! Contrary to how your Mom is making you feel, you DO deserve it! 🙂

Post # 19
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I may be misreading, but it seems that you’re waiting for your parents to offer to pay/contribute and are frustrated that they haven’t?  Just ask them.  Then, one way or the other, you’ll know.  Let them know that even though yours is a way off, you need to figure out the budget now to avoid stress later.

And a Destination Wedding and/or small, romantic ceremony isn’t a bad idea.  You have a small child!  You don’t need to waste your energy on family drama 🙂

Post # 21
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yeaaaaaaaaaah! Romantic Destination Wedding and umbrella drinks for k8e-girl!

Post # 22
12 posts

Gotta love small town newspapers!  I wanted to put my daughter’s engagement announcement in the Tampa Tribune and it would have cost a fortune!  Not that important, I say.

Just take your mom to lunch and casually ask if she was thinking of helping with your wedding, because you are trying to work out your budget.  NO PRESSURE.  Let people be who they are and you’ll be a lot happier without the drama.  Whatever you do, I’d be sad if my mom and dad could not be at my wedding.  And how sad for him that he can’t help you on your special day if he wants to.  If you have a destination wedding, he probably won’t be there, unless YOU help HIM lol.

Think about what you’ll remember in 5 or 10 years.  Go with that.


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