(Closed) Family Drama-Advice much needed!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

As someone outside of this situation, the solution seems clear to me: Be a part of your sister’s wedding and forget his sister’s wedding. If you don’t have a relationship with her, why would the two of you be there? If they wouldn’t even tell you the date, why would they expect you to be there?

I don’t have a relationship with either of my sisters, and neither of them were at my wedding ceremony. They aren’t a part of my daily life, so why would they be at my wedding when they don’t even care about me?

Post # 4
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow! It sounds like there is really no way out of this without hurting/upsetting someone close to you. If it was me, I would go to your sister’s wedding and let your husband deal with his family. It’s his mother that wasn’t open with the date, he is the one that feels obligated to be in two places at once, and he should be the one that figures out a solution. Let him take the heat for this situation and don’t let his mother/sister put the blame on you. If it is really important that he be at your sister’s wedding for you (not your sister) than tell him that. He will have to deal with the drama/tough decisions and the consequences of them. I hope this helps but most of all, I hope that everything turns out for you. 

Post # 5
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Ditto to brideatbeach.

Be a part of your sister’s day, and forget the other wedding.

If they truly valued you being a part of their day, they could have at LEAST given you a date.

How does your husband feel about it?

Post # 5
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Ditto to brideatbeach.

Be a part of your sister’s day, and forget the other wedding.

If they truly valued you being a part of their day, they could have at LEAST given you a date.

How does your husband feel about it?

Post # 6
Member
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You attend your sisters wedding. He attends his sisters. No reason to kill yourselves trying to make everyone happy cause there is no happy medium.

Post # 7
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@bklynbridetobe: Not trying to pick a fight here, but her husband already agreed to be in her sister’s wedding. I feel like that’s a committment he already made and he should uphold it. He doesn’t have a relationship with his sister; blood doesn’t mean everything. Just my opinion.

Post # 8
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think that’s really messed up. Why do they expect you to be in the wedding when they wouldn’t even give you a date. It sounds like the mother is asking for your husband to be in the wedding, not his sister. If she truely wanted him to be in the wedding then why didn’t they give you the date as soon as she confirmed it? She should have made him promise to be in her wedding FIRST with a DATE. Why wait 3 months and only tell you after your sister’s date was set in stone? She should have told him 3 months ago which left your sister time to find another date if hers wasn’t set. He already officially promised to be in your sister’s wedding with the date and everything. Not to mention YOUR sister is HIS sister. If they argue about him not being in family pictures, serve that same comment back to them. Ultimately, it sounds like he’s choosing extended family (his mom/sis) over his immediate family (you). I understand the obligations people feel they should have but ultimately the most important people in your life must be your spouse and children, no one else. It might be unfair telling a person to choose, but that’s reality. What you do does not affect your relatives the same way it’ll affect your own family unit and it’ll have more sever reprocussions.

It comes down to… what type of people do you and your husband want to be… do you want to be the type of people to break a promise for an important event? Does your sister care if your husband is in her wedding? You could always split but those situations are usually accompanied by people questioning how well your relationship is since husbands and wifes are usually at these things together. And this could always lead to more problems. If he really must be in both weddings, could he possibly be at the ceremony for your sister (as an usher/first look pics/etc) and then the reception of his sister? Or are they at the exact same time?

Post # 9
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

i think, in  order to not cause drama between you and your Darling Husband, you need to let him make the choice of what he wants to do… AND SUPPORT HIM NO MATTER WHAT. i know its hard and fustrating but….maybe him going to his sisters wedding will help fix a  broken relationship…..

just be supportive, and hope for the best

Post # 10
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsStrawberry24: I agree

I’m honestly confused why there’s any issue, why would he pull out of one wedding to attend another wedding where he’s had a falling out with the couple? Is it because he wants to be there for a possible reconciliation down the road? In which case, you do need to support his decision. Yeah she sounds like a nut and probably only insists he be at her wedding because she now knows there is a conflict… but what can you do? It’s his family and he does get the ultimate say on what he chooses to do that day, and you do have to support him because whatever decision he makes, it comes from a good place.

Encourage him to wait and think about it for a while. I know I don’t know her but I feel pretty confident that she’ll be so unpleasant during the planning process that he’ll choose not to go to her wedding.

Post # 14
Member
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@brideatbeach: No fight darling, your right, I was posting in hurry and forgot about that. But I also see @MrsStrawberry24: point. Ultimately, I hope that he stands his ground, especially if his sister continues to be a basket case. Either way someone is going to come out hurt and disappointed. And I don’t get why his mom pulled that stunt. This was completely avoidable.

Post # 15
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Pennylane80: I hate to say it but you might have to go to your sisters and he go to his sisters…

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