Post # 1
I wrote a post about this previously but did not give enough information.
I got married eight weeks ago and my husband’s family has been upset with us since then.
His sisters were his groomsmaids and on the morning of the wedding – at the hair salon – one of them started crying to me about how she wanted to wear her hair in the same hairstyle that I was wearing my hair, and not in an updo like all the other bridesmaids. She was upset about how much she hated her dress. She picked out her own dress out of almost 30 options and more than 10 different colors. (Originally, the bride-and groomsmaids had total freedom over what dresses they wore until this same sister was upset about not having enough direction.) They could also pick out their own hairstyles, as long as their hair was worn up and differently than my hair. She acted badly enough that the stranger sitting next to us apologized to me for her behavior.
After that, both sisters ignored myself and my husband the entire day of the wedding and for the eight weeks after. They think that we should apologize for (1) not allowing the sister to wear her hair the way that she wanted, and (2) for not making their dates an important part of the wedding. We didn’t know their dates prior to the wedding and the dates did not try to know us, or even say “congratulations” after we got married (and neither did the sisters). We did not know their dates, nor were they invited, nor did they make any attempt to speak to us in the two days that they were at the wedding – which we weren’t upset about until the sisters and the mother blamed us for not setting aside special time to bond with them (while we were decorating, meeting with DJs, picking up food, visiting with other family members, etc.). The sisters want us to apologize for not “making their feelings equally important as ours on our wedding day.” However, not only did they not speak to us to ask how they could help for the wedding, but they even missed the wedding party photos because they refused to speak to us on our wedding day after the hair salon, because one sister wanted to have the hairstyle that I wore and did not want an updo. Her sister and mother think that she acted completely appropriately in asking me to wear a different hairstyle on my wedding day in order to accommodate her insecurities about her shoulders.
What I am asking now is this: Are we being completely unreasonable for expecting them to put their own things aside for our wedding day? Or should we have dedicated more energy to making them feel important and included?
Post # 2
I answered in your other post and I said
Well your updates make it clear to me that they were actually in the wrong and and were petty and silly and unreasonable.
That being said, forget it OP , not important , don’t give it headroom and certainly don’t exacerbate the situation by seeking apologies.
Let it die a natural death and how about you post a pic or two of you and new husband and how nice you looked ,and let us focus on that instead
And I still say that .Dearest OP, stop poisonlng your early married days with this stuff.
Post # 3
You’re right, we should focus on the more important things! Thank you.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2016 - pier 5 hotel
Nope they sound nuts to me. I might be biased though bc I’m in a similar situation. I knew my little sis was going to be weird about her hair too so I literally told her right after I got engaged that my bms will get to pick their dresses as long as they were blue and have whatever hair style they want as long as it’s up since mine would be half up half down. She freaked(as I knew she would) and said she wouldn’t look good with her bangs so I said either u where it up or u can be a guest not a bm. I also said I’d at for the up dos. So so far she said she’ll wear it up and that she’s growing out her bangs ( her idea not mine). Well see the day of what happens but I’m dreading it.
Post # 5
A pleasure. Now let us have a peek at a pic or two?
Post # 6
Unless you want to start a family feud that could impact your future relationship with his entire family…time to extend a mild olive branch and start putting this episode behind you.
Post # 8
I am so sorry! I would not apologize or admit to any “wrongdoing” but I would make it clear to them that you want to move past this incident and continue working on your relationship. You didn’t do anything wrong, they acted like selfish brats, but for the sake of your marriage, I urge you to avoid letting this turn into a massive thing. Don’t apologize- you didn’t do anything wrong- but there is no need to seek an apology from them. I hope things start to improve soon! Your wedding was beautiful and you looked gorgeous!
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Congratulations!!! Love your pics!
Post # 9
Post # 10
oh, this all sounds familiar. Though things were worked out eventually, people didn’t speak to husband and me in one case for years after the wedding. Reason apparently was about the same. That we were selfish is thinking that the wedding was about us and our wants, we should have realized that it was a day to put the families wishes first before our own. Mind you, we didn’t get much of any offers from them to help either, and didn’t hear until I got a phone call 3 weeks before the wedding that anyone was upset. They had plenty of chances to voice if they were unhappy with the plans they knew we were making.
In our case think a lot of it was actually that we didn’t put parents names on the intvite, we listed ourselves as hosts which we were.
it was pretty clear that certain people thought we should have taken what they wanted more into account with every detail. We actually didn’t really know what their wishes were since they weren’t telling us until the last minute. I dont think you did anything wrong. It’s not their wedding day, it’s yours. I bet when those same sisters marry, they will expect everyone to recognize their days as their own. If it’s any conselation, you are not alone- these things seem to happen a lot. I think they were just jealous and feeling down that the day wasn’t about them. I dont think you did anything wrong at all.
BTW- your pictures are beautiful 🙂
Post # 11
Congratulations. Love your pics. Your dress was beautiful!
Post # 12
Leave it! Any feelings you may have to air about his family, let them go – I know it’s easier said than done but having just gotten married myself and been a spectator to much family/girl drama as well – I know how easy it is to get wrapped up in all the drama but remember this:
Your wedding is about you and your DH. Let the rest of it slide, and enjoy your newly married life! Congrats!! XX
Post # 13
Your pictures and expressions look like you had a fabulous day best wishes for a long and happy life together. While I am not a fan of telling people how to wear their hair, I do think they are being petty and insecure. I would let it go and act like nothing happened, you have a long life ahead with this family.
Post # 14
Why were the dates there if they weren’t invited? If that’s true, that was extremely rude and inappropriate on their parts. Contrary to what many people here believe, etiquette is clear that just because they are in wedding party, does not obligate you to invite them with dates. However, if you agreed they could come, even last minute, it was your obligation to greet them at the wedding, not the other way around.
Are you sure it’s a good idea to post their pictures? Telling a story about family drama and including pictures of the actual people involved doesn’t seem like a very wise or considerate thing to do.
As I said in the other thread, you were completely nappropriate about the hair. You get input into the dress and that’s all. You don’t have control over personal grooming and it wouldn’t have made the slightest difference in any case.
Post # 15
It sounds like a blessing that they aren’t speaking to you. Enjoy the peaceful silence!
And never apologize. They were 100% wrong.