(Closed) Family Drama already! (a bit long sorry but please help!)

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I think ith your wedding being so far off, it might be best to just quit talking about it with others for a while and when they bring things up just reply “We are still working out the details” or “We are still early in the planning stages, and have a lot of time to decide”. Sometimes the fewer people involved in the planning, the easier it is.

Post # 4
918 posts
Busy bee

@Ej88:  why would babies need to come to the wedding?

I don’t understand her thinking.  Babies crying and interrupting the ceremony is such a distraction, and annoying. Also if you invite her baby,who knows who else wil lwant t obring their baby. Your wedding isn’t a daycare…they should just pay for the sitter and go with it.


I would drop this for now: So much can change and hopefully one of those things will be her mind by then. πŸ™‚

Post # 5
2623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You should have not have told her no because it may cause great issues if you back out now. It really doesn’t make sense to me that she would take him to the ceremony and get it picked up for babysitting to enjoy the reception. I don’t get it but you have time and perhaps later on tell her due to the church your plans have change as it was early in the planning  when she asked.

Post # 6
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

your wedding is over a year away.   i agree with pp.  don’t discuss it until closer to the wedding.  the baby isn’t even born yet.  a year from now, she may want a day away from her child.

Post # 7
5323 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Ej88:  Right after we got engaged, my sister started stressing about baby sitters for the wedding, what arrangement was I going to make for her kids, she needed to know now. The wedding wasn’t for a year and baby sitters weren’t even close to being on my radar. MrsMeNow’s answers of ‘we’re still in the planning stages, we have lots of time to decide’ is definitely the most diplomatic way of putting them off. You never know, that child may well be the most well behaved one year old you’ve ever met and you won’t have any issues!

What I learned was that the babysitter was the #1 important thing to my sister because her kids are her #1 important thing. I got really annoyed by how often she pressed it on me, but eventually I just was very upfront, told her I understood how imporant it was, and that it would be taken care of but likely not until a couple of months before the wedding once the venue and hotels had been booked, etc. Just be firm and try to be diplomatic for as long as you can πŸ˜‰

Post # 8
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would do what pp suggested and stop discussing plans and just make them.it’s never nice to be given an ultimatum and that would get my back up as well. Just politely say we have already said he’s invited and drop it. They can’t argue if your not. They feel it’s a family ceremony and don’t want him excluded. Just have your fi mention to his brother that if the baby cries will someone please take him out. Babies cry and honestly if he does it’s not the end of the world!

Post # 11
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Also, it’s ok to ask that the child be taken out of the church if s/he starts to cry. It’ll disrupt the ceremony for a few seconds, which isn’t a big deal in the scheme of things.

Post # 12
3 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013


This may or may not help but i attended my Fiance cousins wedding at a catholic church and had to leave the hall or chamber because of my child, i was mortified but as a parent it happens. Luckily i discovered there was a room for just this occasion that had a large glass wall that was SOUND PROOF.  I hope you are lucky enough to have one of those in your church as it solved the issue of me wanting to see the ceremony and my daughter being verbal.


Post # 13
6 posts
  • Wedding: August 2013

I understand your concern, and its amazing when your planning a wedding what small details can cause such stress, i attended 2 weddings last year with my young daughter, one she was fine at and the other she got a little loud. So i took her outside, its the respectful thing to do whilst a wedding is going on, so if they insist on taking the baby hopefully they’ll also do the same thing. Good luck.

Post # 14
54 posts
Worker bee

Oh, sweetie.  That sucks.  My best advice is to take her aside and talk to her about it. Take her to lunch, fuss over the baby if he’s with her or obsess over photos if he’s not.  Ask questions about what time he naps, if he sleeps through the night.  Let your cousin know you care about her baby-and her!-but that you do have concerns.  Mention the baby being uncomfortable, again mention the long drive and such.  Is she breastfeeding or will he not eat well for someone other than his parents?  That could be the case and she doesn’t want to make you feel obligated to invite him.  And when you mention the sound, add that you’re concerned the echo might distress the baby even more.  From the sound of your church, I’m guessing the echos can be pretty loud.  Who knows, maybe your future cousin in law will suggest for herself that she sit in the back or near a close exit.  If not, gently broach the subject, but be sure to let her know how important it is that she be there with you when you say your vows.  As for the aunt?  Ignore her.  She seems like a person who loves drama.  And the planning? Only involve your parents and your fiance’s parents and those who know you best.

And if you still don’t want children, you can always have the exeption of those babies still dependent on their mommies-that is to say, one year and younger.  Then call the mommies and let them know that, for their comfort, you’ll set up a special pew in the back, maybe even specially marked/have a special decoration, for their own comfort, in case of dirty diapers, crying, ect, they can make a quick escape.  I’m sure that they don’t want their baby interupting the ceremony any more than you do πŸ™‚  And you can alway request that children of certain ages are requested not to attend-with clever wording in your invites.

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