(Closed) Family drama and postponing my wedding

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
31 posts
Newbee

I think your fiance already made the attempt to smooth things over, at this point there is nothing else he can do but be pleasant when he sees your family. It’s up to your mother and other family members that are involved to move on. Expecting him to beg for forgivness is, in my opinion, absolutely ridiculous and unreasonable. I don’t know what he said, but maybe growing up he didn’t have someone constantly telling him what to do. I know I didn’t and I probably would have blown up at some point too. I completely agree he shouldn’t have especially since your family was nice enough to let you two live with them, but at the same time I can see where he was coming from. I don’t think you should hold any resentment towards him for what happened, now you know he doesn’t like to be told what to do all the time.

If it were me, I would talk everything over with fiance and decide on a date. It sounds like your mother will only get over it if you either break up, he begs for forgiveness, or you just start your life with him and get married. Talk with your mom, tell her your getting married and you want her to be part of it. If she loves you and wants to be a part of your lives (marriage, GRANDCHILDREN) then she’s going to have to accept his apology and move on.

Post # 4
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Waiting isn’t going to get you any closer to where you want to be. At this point your parents have made their decision and now its your turn to make yours. If this is the man you truly want to marry then go ahead with your plans. Those that truly love and support you will be there regardless.

Post # 5
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

So you and I have the same background.
Just some advise, you postponing your wedding is only making your family WIN in this situation.  They are still in control.  Are you relying on your parents to help pay for the wedding?
I would go along and continue planning and not postpone.  Your family will come around. 

Post # 6
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@flee:Your parents do NOT decide who you spend your life with. Your Fiance is your future, move forward. If they choose to attend, that would be fabulous. If they don’t, they are adults and they are entitled to their choice. Live your life.

Post # 7
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would slowly start planning, like setting a date and location and then share that information with your family.  You’ll be able to gauge their reaction and then your own.  If they are unhappy you can make the decision to move forward or stop and continue to try to reconcile. Like the other posters said you are probably going to have to make a choice, but if you do it slowly it might make it easier on both sides. 

Post # 8
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My family is extremely important to me as well. I would feel terrible if I thought they weren’t going to come to my wedding or support our union. But who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? Your family or Fiance? Set the wedding date, begin your own family. 

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