(Closed) Family Drama at/after wedding

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m shaking my head while reading your post…

Why do some people think YOUR wedding is all about THEM?? It never ceases to amaze me how selfish people can be.

You can’t please everyone and you certainly have a good attitude about it!

Post # 4
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

So glad it is everything you wanted, people can be so selfish…

Post # 5
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@bluewolverine: I cpmpletley understand why you would be upset about the family saying they felt “shit on” so silly…you are right…go out and intorduce yourself.

 

On that note though i really hope you arent ignoring your dad because of what he did or did not do at the wedding.

My parents did not even do a welcome to the family speech for my wedding, even though i really wanted them to. You know why? bc they were nervous to be infront of people…and i knew that but i still asked them anyways. If anyone was in the wrong it was probably me. I know if i pushed it they probably would have agreed but they would not have enjoyed the day as they would have been so nervous…my dad was a wreck walking me down the aisle bc he was so scared. Forgive your dad for ditching at the last possible minute, its not worth the grief.

Post # 7
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

firstly i feel that you should cut your dad some slack – im guessing he was in a very tough place emotionally (never knowing if your body will let you down or not is upsetting) and although you say you know his condition and you knew could have walked you down the aisle and said we do on cue he didnt feel he could and i cant help feeling a bit sorry for him right now as im guessing hes feels disappointed about it already. i understand you are disappointed as well but you said yourself he has a disability

as far as your inlaws go – its not about them, its not your job to walk them around and introduce them to everyone. hopefully they will settle down about this and let it go

Post # 9
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m sorry.  That all sucks balls.  

 

Based on what you’ve said about your dad, I don’t think it’ll occur to him to apologize.  What he did was hurtful and inconsiderate.  But is it realistic to expect that he will be sorry?  Sometimes people we love behave in ways that are unfair to us, that hurt us.  At a certain point we have to accept what the limits are of what they’re capable of doing.  Example: my mom never apologizes for anything, and has done some really bad stuff.  There’s no point of me getting angry that she’ll never say sorry, because it’s getting angry over something that will never happen.  I have had to learn to accept it and limit my contact with her.

 

Your in-laws need to grow up.  There’s a lot of stuff going on at a wedding, it’s not your obligation to introduce them, and you’re not a mind-reader.  I’ve never heard of it being customary during a wedding to introduce the in-laws to everyone.  They’re adults, haven’t they ever heard of “socializing”?  And, uh, weddings have long-time friends and family; I’m sure they knew at least a few ppl.

Post # 11
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Let me get this straight-

You’re angry at your DISABLED dad who CANT SPEAK because he was embarrassed of the way he looked and his inability to speak with so many people around and plus you had to cancel the father/daughter dance.

Are you for real?

How do you think HE FELT when his little girl got married and he couldn’t even walk her down the aisle or say two words?

And you’re also upset because your inlaws are mad that you didn’t introduce them?

Geez can’t you see that it’s BAD FORM not to introduce your new in-laws. Even if your mother in law didn’t want to do a mother/son dance. She may not have wanted to be at the center of attention with that dance but at the same time didnt want to sit in a corner either.

Ive said it once and ill say it again– It may be the bride and groom’s “big day” but that doesn’t give the newlyweds the right to treat others with disrespect.

It doesn’t take but a few minutes to make some introductions as you’re “working” your way around the room. It’s not about making someone else feel “special” on “your day”–it’s about manners and courtesy.

Seriously you owe your in-laws an apology and an even bigger one to your dad.

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Neutrina: seriously? The bride was supposed to walk around the entire wedding with her inlaws and introduce them as they went? Was the entire wedding only her friends and family? Were they the only people there who didn’t know others?  Perhaps she should have had a speech to go around the room introducing everyone to everyone else?  I can’t even understand how on her wedding day she should have been introducing her mother in law to everyone there. 

Post # 13
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I suppose a lot of it comes down to how you view the wedding… is it all about the bride and groom or is it about two families joining together?  I suppose there are cultural and family differences there.

Some brides think it’s all about them…  It somehow tends to be the groom’s family that gets insulted.  😛

Be considerate of where you seat people, acknowledge them and try to include everyone especially family members.  If you hide your inlaws in the back corner or ignore them the whole night, expect drama. 

That’s one thing I really prefer with Spanish weddings… friends come second to family.  The parents are up front, not bridesmaids or groomsmen.  The head table is the married couple and their parents – all at one table with both parties being equally important as it should be.

Post # 14
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

The OP didn’t say that she sat her inlaws in the back of the room, the inlaws wanted to be introduced when the bridal party walked in the reception.  They wanted the bride and groom to introduce them personally to every guest there.  This isn’t about the bride wanting it to be only about her, this is about the inlaws clearly thinking it should have been a lot more or all about them.

Post # 15
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Neutrina:

really? I don’t know about you but at my wedding I’m not going to have my in laws at my elbow the whole time introducing them. The guests at your wedding are there to see you…not your in laws. They should have introduced themselves to people if they wanted it to be known that they were the extended family. To op: your dad is possibly embarrassed that he couldn’t be there for you on your wedding day. Cut him some slack.

Post # 16
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

No.  It’s about the groom’s family feeling “shit on.”  Obviously something wasn’t done right if they felt ignored and unimportant.

I think it’s reasonable to expect some recognition or special attention towards the closest members of your new family.  Special seating?  Having their names on the program?  That is the absolute minimum.  I seriously doubt they expected her to escort them around all night, but a five minute introduction “hey come meet my aunt and uncles!” seems appropriate, especially if you know they’re shy people.  I know I’ll be introducing my family to his at some point during the night.  

I think the attitude of “even if your family (or someone else) behaves ridiculously, your wedding can still be amazing” pretty much sums it up that she does not care how her family felt at her big day.  I would have apologized to them if they felt that way… even if it was not my intention.  She even mentions her poor father has performance anxiety and that’s his fault, too.

Whatever, I just think family is the most important part of a wedding.  Others feel different and that “the family” is only the bride and groom.  Brides should be a little more considerate and sensitve to other’s feelings…. it’s NOT all about the bride.

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